Fifty Shades of Choad: 9er and Baraka do chick lit crit

Okay, folks... I ordered the book.

I'll start reading it when it arrives and pretty soon we'll all be up to our knees in really bad commentary and fanged-dick vampire sex scene rewrites.

...

Baraka_Guru,

You better get on it, brother. You know that I'm an aliterate illterate. I'm gonna need reinforcements.

...

Please.

Envision a reloaded Masterpiece Theatre, Miss Noodle. Sir Baraka of Guru will be adorned in a fine cashmere sweatervest and drinking some tea while I slide into my burgundy smoking jacket, tilt back a stainless flask containing only the smoothest rotgut and crack my knuckles breaking the binding of this putative romance novel. Baraka and I will discuss whether the sex scenes are realistic, worth reading (or reenacting on our significant others) and ruminate on the implications of dark strangers thrusting their undead-yet-turgid fuckpistols into the oh-so-smooth-and-much-like-coffin-lining squeezebox of a mortal woman's vajayjay. This isn't going to be two pothead mallrats snorting at boobies, no-no, this is going to be serious art. *

* I have no idea what the plot is and I'm totally guessing it's vampire porn.

...

I'll be the judge of that, too.

 

Monsterpiece Theater, maybe... with Cookie Monster and Bert.

 

"Hey, we know I got class."

 

Unfortunately, the "lending" function is disabled on the Kindle book thanks to the publisher, otherwise I'd be able to lend it to you for 2 weeks for free, Baraka. I'm sure it's pirated somewhere on the internets, though..

 

Did anyone else picture him saying this with a diabolical smile?

 

Holy fuck, this will be epic.

 

We should sell tickets to this...

 

Ya know, this is the second time a mod has decapitated a thread, retitled it something absolutely awful and given me OP. Thanks, Baraka.

I'll get drunk later and come up with something 100% better. I gotta say, I'm really looking forward to this little homework assignment.

What will the new title be? Will Plan9 masturbate to this book? Find out on the next thrilling episode of 50ish Maids Wanna Get Laid.

 

Is this review going to be on webcam ????

 

Hah, you obviously haven't seen what I look like. I mean, nobody wants to see that.

 

I liked because I don't want to see that.

 

I have strange tastes

 

How does one masturbate a smooth spot, exactly? Like this?

 

/opens Notepad and gets ready to learn

 

How did you know? Heh. I refer to her as "La Femme Makita."