Extended family during the holidays- how much does it suck?

You know, stories and people descriptions and stuff.

My family has a bad habit of making me want to kill them all. For example, one of the groups that go to our Christmas has a bad habit of picking food directly off your plate or bowl if they're hungry, or stealing your bag of chips if you leave it on the counter for more than twenty seconds without a direct line of sight. They are the embodiment of gluttony. Then there are some who are manipulative, lazy, and just overall mean. Plus, they tend to trash your house and leave you with hours of clean-up.

So, just how terrible (or fun) is your extended family?

 

A lot.

Afghan families are a major pain in the ass.

For those who don't completely embrace their lifestyle, that is.

 

On December 24, my wife flew to Las Vegas to visit her sister and brother-in-law -- they have a house there. Our teenage daughter went with her. They will return Sunday night.

So I have had the house to myself, and gotten a lot of work done. I missed out on Chinese dinner with friends (I didn't see the message until too late), but other than that, I am really pleased how this week turned out.

I am feeling very grateful toward my in-laws for making this possible.

 

It's perspective.
I was moved far away from my entire extended family at age 6. It was horrible as we were close--many family get-togethers all through the years.
So, I spent my growing up years longing for extended family. I married a guy with 6 sibs, partly because I figured there would be much family togetherness. But, most of them leave me cold, so we see who we want to see at non-Christmas time.

I'm still hangin' with my tiny family--the one I made--plus my brother and his wife (no kids) and my widower dad. I look forward to seeing them hugely. I always enjoy them being here and I hate when they leave.
Since I spent some time with my brother's "in-laws" late last summer we've been planning how to get to together as we enjoyed one another's company so much.
I see my true extended family every summer at our cottages situated on 12 acres on Maple Lake in Ontario. People come and go at their leisure. There's impromptu get-togethers, nothing formal.

So I have no problems with the holidays and family gatherings, once I figured out what worked best. I did endure a number of years when my younger son was little, trapped in my MIL's small, filthy house, surrounded by 30 people and about 8 or so dogs. It was misery as the "highlight" was whomever my FIL decided to pick on enough to get into a screaming match. That's when I said "no more."

I get that family is family but I also get that as an adult, you make or break your own happiness. I really have no sympathy for those that believe they are trapped into horrible family gatherings. You always have a choice. Just be prepared to live up to the consequences.

 

Fangirl

 

Fair enough. I'm obviously not forced to attend with threat of execution, but I have an aunt that is fond of being cruel and she creates some pretty mean consequences. One year, I emailed my aunts saying that I wouldn't be attending, and my mean aunt emailed my mom insulting her parenting skills, accusing me of being heartless and void of any devotion to family, and saying that my cousins would be devastated and that we should both be ashamed. The drama that followed wasn't worth it. So, every year I have been attending.

My family actually isn't that bad. There's always something to do. One of the biggest issues is the constant stream of complaints from everybody. I'm not saying I wouldn't rather stay home, but it's never not fun to mess with and make fun of family. This time, I entertained myself by buying terrible and useless presents for everybody, such as a fairy princess wand, a bicycle horn, a head of iceberg lettuce, and a strange Asian dessert called a Yan-Yan, which probably had some sort of STD. This year was actually one of the better years, with no fights and some time to sneak out and hit the town.

 

I wasn't forced to attend with threat of execution but I think I lot of us, myself included, do tend to justify why we have to go to these things. After I had a kid and he had little cousins I went along for all their sakes--and for Grandma. For whatever reason this huge family likes sleeping over at one another's homes despite being within drivable distance of their own homes. So we'd leave the kid and drive home and pick him up the next day. But he got sick of the BS too, so then for a number of years, I set a two-hour limit to our visit and he came home with us. Finally they insisted on doing the whole thing on Christmas Day and I said eff that. I do Christmas Day with my family of origin either in my home or theirs. I've invited the in-laws here multiple times Christmas Eve or later on Christmas Day--they've refused all but once. I'd be willing to drive to see them on Christmas Eve but there was no bending. It didn't matter that people got married and had their own families, they went trouping up to the Wisconsin border to be verbally abused and eat take-out food for the holiday.

This year, we took widowed Grandma (MIL) and her sister out for a very nice meal around Thanksgiving. We'll see some of the rest of them throughout the year. Most of them are backstabbing gossips. Nothing lost in not ruining our holidays with them.

Glad you had no fights this year. Besides being grossed out by dogs casually pissing on the indoor plants (and no one minding) having to endure grandpa's temper tantrums ruined everyone's visit. He was never satisfied until he drove one of his daughters--or his wife to tears. That's just not how we roll with company in our home. No one should, IMO.

 

My extended family is mostly dead or working on it (senior citizens) as many opted out of having children. This makes the holidays pretty simple: Pick up my mother, go to church with her and then eat a $9 turkey dinner at Denny's.

It's kinda weird being the end of a family tree.