Everybody Knows That the Bird is the Word

This may go over well; it may not. The concept is straightforward enough. Sometimes words just aren't enough, and you need to let your fingers do the talking. Describe some of your favourite ways of flipping someone off.

There's the Jack-in-the-Box. Extend your closed fist toward the offending party. With the opposite hand, turn an imaginary 'crank' while singing the Pop Goes the Weasel tune. Somewhere in the middle, stop singing and simultaneously 'POP' your middle finger into the air. Act surprised that it has popped up.

I enjoy the Magic Trick. This one requires a handkerchief. Extend your closed fist toward the offending party. Drape the handkerchief over the fist. Wave the opposite hand over the handkerchief in a mysterious fashion; make gibberish incantations if you wish. With a grand flourish, swipe the handkerchief away, revealing the proudly extended middle finger.

I am particularly fond of the elegant simplicity of What's In My Pocket? Pretend to go fishing for something you have discovered in your pocket. Be sure to ask the question, "why, what's this in my pocket?" and then produce....wait for it....
Your middle finger.

These are three tried-and-true methods I've used--at least among my friends and family--for years. Maybe I'm the only one to overthink such a thing as flipping someone the bird. But if you have thoughts or, better still, your own preferred methods of sharing the love, please share.

 

I can honestly say I've never felt the urge to flip someone off. I mean, I've definitely said fuck you to a few folks (emotional maturity FTW!!1) but I guess I just don't talk with my hands.

Though one I have seen used to great effect is the fishing pole. Pretty self explanatory really, pull back and let 'er fly.

 

I find using the middle finger in situations where you can verbally articulate your feelings to be incredibly childish.

There's always some man-bitch that thinks its hilarious to flip the bird at you. Almost as bad as the down O-game.

I use my middle finger to signal assholes on my motorcycle and to massage my old lady's g-spot. That's about it.

 

That actually leads right into the point I was going to make, regardless of whether or not anyone had bitten yet. I do use these in good fun. I'm not one to go all road-ragey and flip folken off while in traffic, or if the preacher says something I don't agree with, or anything. Creative use of my middle finger is reserved for those I hold dearest, who can appreciate the creativity and humor. The exception: I reserve the right to gesture at the phone with impunity whenever my mother-in-law is on the line. She does frequently earn it.

 

I've always liked John Bender's in Breakfast Club to the principal. He points his "bird" to the ground and says, "Can you hear this? Do you want me to turn it up?, and then proceeds to turn his bird up.