Do you keep secrets about sex from your spouse?

Do you keep secrets about sex from your spouse because you feel they would not understand? Some times it is hard for me yo talk to my spouse.

 

I think everyone keeps certain things to themselves.
Men (and maybe woman, I can only speak for men) probably don't talk about how often they masturbate because they are afraid their partner will think that they aren't enough for them.
There are some fantasies that are maybe a bit too off the beaten path for some couples to share.
I was lucky that Jadzia and I started in the same neighborhood on some of those things but even with all that I'm sure there were things that she kept to herself and I didn't pry.
It didn't bother me.
If she decided to share at some point (and there were a couple of times when we did pull out things). it was very intense.
Communication is amazing but it can't be forced.

 

A few, to be honest.

For the most part, I am a vigorous proponent of communication and sharing.

But there are a few fantasies of mine that I don't share with Mrs. Levite. They're a little...off the beaten path...and I know her well enough to know that she'd be uncomfortable hearing about them. Which is fine. They're fantasies, not fetishes, and I can live without them in our shared sex life. I just use my masturbation life to sublimate them, which is one of the chief purposes of a masturbation life, IMO. Mrs. Levite knows I masturbate, I never make a secret of that-- we joke about it quite a bit, as I do it much more than she does-- and she knows I have a fantasy life that plays out when I masturbate. I just don't share details, and I think she's actually happy about that.

And I don't think anything's wrong with this. I would certainly not keep secrets that affected our shared sex life, nor would I keep secrets in the sense of being unfaithful to her. Never. But I also think that, while free, open, honest, and frequent communication is key to both a good sex life and a healthy relationship, people are still entitled to some privacy, and that can be a boon and a blessing in instances of widely divergent tastes in fantasy.

 

Our lives are so much better since we tore down the wall of sexual secrecy between us.

 

Yes and no.

No, in that I have always been open about what I like.

Yes, because I have found that having these conversations are only partly useful to getting what I want and beating a dead horse is really not useful. I am not going to keep discussing what I want and not getting it. So there are some subjects that I don't bother with anymore.

 

Well, yeah. She would be hurt from my cheating. I kid, I kid. We share and have shared more in my time with her than I ever did in almost 20 years with my ex-wife. I don't think there is anything I would hold back from her, and she would be game to try almost everything. And I mean everything.

 

Like Omega, I had quite a few secrets (not so much secrets as things I simply didn't ever talk about - like what I really wanted, for example, something that is kind of important) from my ex wife, just because we were in such different places sexually. I feel incredibly blessed to have a partner now who I can be pretty much totally honest with, and vice versa. As she once said "Candor is very sexy"... I don't think that kind of honesty happens overnight because it requires trust. We've been together about ten years now and this wouldn't have been possible when we started. Having said that, I'm not a complete fool and know there are some things you don't say to your beloved. You don't have to say everything out loud, is my motto.

 

Thanks for the replies. I tell my wife most things but this is an open subject

 

We found that writing is less immediate and less hard to put out there than talking, and ever since we started to be open in the written medium our intimate life has got better and better

 

Nope, but I don't think doing so is bad either. If you have a secret fantasy to have sex with her sister and you know that would bother her to know about it, odds are you should keep it to yourself. Not all secrets are bad, not all truth is good.

As a counter point, imagine telling your spouse you cheated on them. Sometimes I think such confessions are to help the cheater feel better not be honest with their spouse. So to make it not bother your conscious you emotionally hurt them.

Secrets are very context dependent.

 

I SORRY

 

There are certain parts of my youth that I don't share with my wife. There would be no point in sharing them, and I don't feel guilty about not sharing them.

 

My wife kept more sexual secrets from me than I did from her.