Do you find your friendships forged here meaningful?

I have grown to depend on the collective conscious here quite a bit over the past decade. I see us as a community, and thanks to various meet-ups, I view some specific people here as true friends.

But recently someone told me that they don't understand how anyone could have real, meaningful friendships with people they met online.

I'd like to chalk that up to ignorance on their part, but the words were from a source that I consider reputable enough that I believe it is worth debating, internally and on here.

For instance, when I look at cutting out @cynthetic or @Snowy from my list of dear friends, I am left with an overwhelming feeling of disconnect. No. I know them. Thoroughly and completely. We have shared a window to our lives and to our souls through this space. They are truly my friends. Sure, they didn't attend my wedding or my daughters' first birthday parties. But... their importance in my life cannot be discounted simply because I met them through the TFP.

I'm not sure where to go with this... but rather than making this a blog entry, I'd like to leave this open to others to comment and share their thoughts on the topic.

 

I think that's a very old school way of thinking. People make friends online. People fall in love online. It's not weird anymore, it's just part of this interconnected existence we all share.

Why couldn't you make friends online? You interact with people. You share parts of yourself. You entertain and are entertained. What else is required of a friend? What aspect of friendship requires physical interaction?

It's funny because I remember asking myself questions like this a decade ago when I was attending my first meetups. As I recall Charlatan was there, along with amonkie, and I think aberkok as well. cellophanedeity too, though she doesn't come around here much anymore. I decided to just roll with it at the time, and I'm glad I did really.

A bunch of you have slept on my floor. I mean, that's evidence of friendship, but you know what else is? That I invited a bunch of people I only knew on the internet to come sleep on my floor. I don't really feel like I have to justify those relationships. You're all my friends, whether I've met you in meatspace or not, and that's good enough for me.

 

@Martian has a comfortable futon, and @kramus is a gracious host. @amonkie officiated my wedding. You, @genuinemommy has been there for me, and I hope I have been there for you. @Baraka_Guru and I exchange random messages on a regular basis because there are just some things in life other people don't or won't get. And that is just a smattering of the beauty I have experienced due to these friendships. Part of what was gratifying about the Great Toronto Meetup of 2013 was getting to meet some of my oldest friends.

To me, these things are evidence of true and lasting friendships. I talk about all of you with my husband and others with no need to mention that you are "Internet friends" because, to me, that's a dumb qualifier, and I guarantee that if you talk to someone below the age of 25, they could give a crap. Plus, many of these friendships have since stretched beyond the place where they were first made, and I love that.

 

For me, a friendship would need to eventually advance beyond JUST online interaction at some point. But to dismiss everyone you ever "met online" from the possibility of true friendship seems a bit extreme. Years ago there was a guy from another space who I first got to know online. Eventually it got to where we'd chat on the phone most days on my drive home, which coincided with his west coast lunch break. That went on for years. We grew very close, and eventually got to hang out multiple times. I do think the natural progression is to expand beyond online interaction for those that you truly become meaningful friends with. But there are lots of occasions where the online contact continues to be the vast majority of the interaction.

 

Eh. @snowy is a pretty close friend for me and it took us years to get around to IRL hangouts. We're close enough that she was one of the first people I told when I found out I'm going to be a daddy.

But I live a largely digital life to begin with so maybe my perspective is skewed.

 

If you are referencing my comment, IMO what you described between yourself and @snowy fits what I was saying. Eventually, at some point, the progression of most (not all) people with deep meaningful relationships that span many years probably is that they find a way to meet IRL. Due to geography, life, and/or whatever else, they may only meet once, twice, or a handful of times. For sure there are outliers. And maybe my definition of a meaningful friendship is more strict than some other peoples (past experience says it may be). But if most people here make a list of the top 2-3 friends that they met online, I'll bet they've met them IRL at least once?

 

I've been really fortunate to meet most of the people I consider close friends that I met via the Internet.

 

Yes. Been there, and then some. Thank you for your insight and friendship.

 

Many
@redravin was my groomsman, I was his.
Sagas, traumas, griefs, life events, fun, games... (with a variety of people)
Sometimes drinks (like @uncle_phil sometimes when he could come down)
Sometimes events (like @damnitall recently)
Even loves & flings

I've traveled near & far to see them (like @*nikki*) , even flew some to me. (like @halx)
A few were unreal IRL...most were real, genuine, wysiwyg
I've invested myself in the friends here as much as IRL.

It's about if you're sincere and not wear a mask.
Not so much your face or name, but what's in your heart. (revealing sometimes more than what you can or allow IRL)

What you give is what you get.