Dirty Joke of the Day...

Not that dirty a joke, but one of my very favorites:

A call-girl service in Paris gets a phone call, the man would like to secure the services of a certain Claire. He is told that, regrettably, Claire is already committed that night. He offers to triple her fee.

"Does Monsieur know that Claire commands a fee of a thousand Euros a night?!" He knows, and agrees to triple it. The appointment is made, Claire shows up at the hotel room, curious to meet the man willing to pay three thousand Euros for the night with her. He seems like a perfectly nice guy, and they spend a very enjoyable night together; but he never gives a clue as to why he is willing to pay extra for her, and she leaves in the morning, curiosity unsated.

He calls for her again that night, and again is told that she is previously committed. He again offers to triple her fee, and they spend another vigorous night together. The third day, he calls for her again, again is told she is committed, and offers to quadruple her fee. They spend yet another memorable night together, but in the morning, as they are dressing, she says,

"Forgive my curiosity, ma cher, but I must know. Why me? There are so many lovely ladies in Paris, why spend so much on me?"

"Well," He says, "You see, I'm from Israel. From Ramat Gan, in the suburbs of Tel Aviv."

"You are?! But I am also from Ramat Gan!" She says, stunned.

"Yes, I know. Your mother and my mother are friendly, and when your mother heard I was coming to Paris, she asked me to give you the ten thousand Euros she agreed to lend you."

 

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.


Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit


Q: What did the letter O say to Q?
A: Dude, your dick is hanging out.

 

Did you hear about the new movie Woody Allen is making with Mia Farrow?
It's called "Honey I Screwed the Kids".

Pee Wee Herman has a new movie too.
"Pee Wee's Play (With Yourself) House"

 

It's 1938, and Jakob Goldblatt, an immigrant to New York, is looking for a present for his wife. He goes into Bloomingdale's, and gingerly enters the lingerie department. He looks around, bewildered and abashed. The salesgirl comes over and asks,

"May I help you, sir?" Goldblatt mumbles that he wants to buy his wife a gift. After a few questions, answered with mumbles and blushing and sweating, the salesgirl works out that he would like to buy her a new brassiere.

"Do you know what size she is, sir?" The salesgirl asks. Goldblatt nearly melts into the floor with embarrassment, and shakes his head. The salesgirl leans over and whispers,

"Just tell me this: are her breasts big?" Goldblatt's face breaks into a grin, and he replies loudly,

"Are they big?! Hitler should have them for tonsils!"

 

For some reason even my dirty jokes are mostly Jewy as hell...go figure.


A twine merchant named Yakov Tribwasser is visiting stores all over the South, trying to get twine orders. He is meeting with a lot of anti-Semitism, and not having much luck. Finally, at an old-fashioned general store down in Mississippi, he has been politely trying to make a sale, when the owner, shooing him out of the store, says jeeringly,

"Oh, I'll buy some twine, all right, Jakey boy-- as much as goes from the tip of that Jew nose to the tip of that Jew cock." And he shuts the door in Tribwasser's face.

Three weeks later, he is astounded when a semi pulls up outside his store, and the driver presents him with a COD order for 8000 units of Grade A twine. As he is standing there fuming, the mailman comes up and hands him a letter. Inside is an invoice for the twine, with a note saying:

"Thanks so much for your generous order. (signed) Yakov Tribwasser, living in New York, circumcised in Odessa."