Clarity for the wanting......

My soon-to-be hubby is on the road all the time, so I get sex maybe 5 or 6 times a month. If he was home, it would be different. He is satisfying, and I love fucking him. However, I think that the lack of him being here is starting to get to me. I been having dreams about my bestie (wifey). Me and her have been off and on since I met her and she lives 6 hours away. Its always an unspoken that as soon as we see each other its on, however, we both love penis too much. LOL! I find myself wanting another man or woman and I know he would be okay with a girl, but I live in a VERY small farm town and everyone and their mother would know. I am just at a loss because this is the first relationship where I have not stepped outside of it. (Except for my wifey and thats an okay.) I just wish that I didn't feel this way and why is it I am always looking for something more? He will do everything I want including blood play if I so desire. UGH! Help me find some clarity here.

 

You don't sound ready to commit to a marriage. Give the guy a break and let him go. Sounds like he deserves a bit better than what you've got to offer.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but when you ask for clarity sometimes it comes in the crystal variety.

 

Our conversations have covered everything, literally. Its not as if I am looking for a new relationship. I know he would be willing to do anything I want and visa versa. We have even been looking forward to getting our business started so that he can be home and I think that may stop some of this. But he is just never home enough right now. I think the dreams about my girl down south have got me more wound up then anything. I have never dreamed about her.
--- merged: Jan 5, 2013 3:39 AM ---
And we both would like to start getting into the swingers scene.

 

Do you actually love this man? I ask because it sounds as if you are more concerned with immediate gratification than anything else.

Maybe I am getting the wrong idea, but acceptance of delayed gratification is a sign of commitment and maturity, both essential (in my view) for a successful relationship.

Honestly? I think I agree with Joniemack's first post. Talk about first-world problems (or is this just attention-seeking?).

 

Does he know about your same sex lover? Does he approve of the relationship? Have you discussed your desire to be with other men when he's been gone a while? Is he taking care of his sexual needs when he's on the road? Would it bother you if he said he was?

If having sex with other men or women is truly a driver for you when he's away, why aren't you having this conversation with him? Or have you already? Has he already nixed the idea and you think posting here will provide you with some support for what you'd rather do.

 

Yes he knows about her. He approves. He knows that I want to be with other men as well and he does with woman/men. We made a deal that there would be no play with anyone else unless we were consensual about it. And for the most part that means that we both have to be there. I don't want support, I just am trying to understand myself I guess, because I should feel content and happy with him. Which is why I am wondering if its just because he is gone all the time. I dont have this want and need feeling when he is home.

I dont know many people here and I guess I just needed to talk through this a bit.

 

Swingers. I guess that answers my questions. Nothing wrong with it for those into it, and maybe I have a different view of marriage than you, but starting a marriage off on the wrong foot is so easy to do, I'm amazed any marriages last more than a year.

Marriage is more than sex, and starting a business together. It's hard work and the intimate partnership a couple forges or fails to forge in the first couple of years is crucial to the survival of the marriage. This is not to say that arrangements can't be made to broaden sexual horizons during those years but the less time you focus solely on each other, the more difficult it becomes to maintain intimacy and trust.

Maybe these things aren't important to you. If they're not, you need to rethink marriage. At this point, I'm a bit baffled as to why you want to get married in the first place? Why don't you just be with each other when he's in town and be with others when he's on the road? It seems that's the relationship now and I'm finding out that both of you are okay with that.

What was your concern again. Oh yeah, small town values. You can either move, conform, or flaunt your lifestyle in their faces. Your choice, dear.

 

Are you just lonely? That would be understandable.

 

We have focused on each other. A lot. We have been together for 2 years and knew each other for 1.5 years before that. We are also about making our wants and needs known to each other. Like I said, I just recently started feeling like I was wanting something else, it doesn't happen when he is home, so I am starting to think its just a matter of loneliness more then anything. We have made great strides with each other in the trust dept. and I don't want to screw that up and I love him dearly. I will not step out on him. I just was kind of surprised by my thoughts and dream lately. Does that make sense?
--- merged: Jan 4, 2013 at 11:10 PM ---

No she lives 6 hours south of me. I get to see her once or twice a year. He knows when I see her and most times he's there.