best friend with benefits

I have been in a relationship for the last 10yrs and love the man I am with to bits, but my problem is he has no sex drive and I do. Just recentlty I was out with my best friend (a guy) we were really drunk and ended up sleeping together what a fun night it was it was so much fun that I am sure it will happen again.
I have already stated talking to my present parter about the possibility of me sleeping with other men and he says that he is fine with that as long as I tell him before hand obviously I did not do this this time as the whole thing was unplanned.
I would just like a bit of advice from anyone that has ever been in a similar situation.
One thing I must say is that even though me and my best friend love each other I could never see us in a long term relationship and neither could he.
In the perfect world I would love to be able to live with them both then my life would be great but I think that this would cause problems in the end.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated

 

in the current relationship we are just living together, the best friend is single, we are all roughly the same age late me late 30's partner and best friend early 40's and there are no kids involved, and talking does seem like the best option has it will have to be done at some point I am just worried about starting the conversation

 

Ménage à trois?

Just don't get pregnant.

 

My gf and I have an unusual sort of open relationship. Pretty much "Don't Ask; Don't Tell". Her choice btw, she knew of my bisexuality before we started seeing each other. She simply does not want to be involved but is supportive of my desires. She has her things on the side too, and truthfully I am happier not knowing details I think. It's worked for 12 years now and has had no negative impact on our sex life at home. For what it's worth..... Good luck.

 

Until you tell your guy that something has happened that wasn't previously discussed, this is a moot question.

He may change his stance completely if he feels that you've violated a level of trust with him, and now nothing is OK.

 

I wouldn't make a habit of it... but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. My vote is for confessing to having already done the deed over telling him you're going to plan on it... keeping your lips sealed seems like it would be pretty easy!

 

You have the open relationship, but you have to explain to him that you jumped the gun and broke the rules you'd made. Explain everything honestly and I suspect he'll lean toward the forgiving side.

 

I'd say that I wouldn't suggest having that kind of relationship with someone who doesn't like sex, but I seem to be addicted to women who don't want sex. I'm married to one, after getting out of a marriage to another one. They want me off the market though, so to speak. Darned monogomy. Maybe your relationship makes more sense, after all.

Tell the truth, and go from there.

 

There is nothing wrong with an open relationship, however, sleeping with another man sure isn't going to help his sex drive.

Have him get some blood tests done to see if his Testosterone levels are low. If they are, that could be the reason for his low sex drive.

Now, as far as an open relationship goes, it can only work if everyone is on the same page. He can say he's fine with it when he's really hoping you'll say that you'd rather be with him. Everyone has to be on the same page sexually and mentally for this to work and not create friction (no pun intended) later. Jealousy issues, body issues, mental issues, birth control issues etc need to be laid out..then rules need to be laid out.

I know this umm.. couple that has others in the bedroom sometimes. This couple laid out basic rules such as no kissing, no fucking without the other in the room and birth control must be used on every occasion. This couple seems to be happy with it, but they also know that they are completely happy with each other and the sex life they share with each other so they don't need other people they just enjoy it every now and then.

Anyway, talk it out..ask him why he doesn't have sex drive and see if he'll go get his testosterone tested and then go from there before just jumping into an "open" relationship. Sometimes the relationship isn't as open as people think it is.

Fuck there's a lot puns to be had in there... carry on.

 

I second the blood tests. Having been with someone who suffered from extremely low testosterone levels, it's frustrating as hell for both parties. The Testosterone will also help with mood, which is something else that may be impacting the sex drive.

 

I'll second/third/whatever the testosterone thing. Mine was low, and I'm now on treatment. It helps with a lot of different things, and sex is definitely one of them.

 

I've been in a committed / open relationship with another woman since we were both teenagers. The most important thing for us has been to provide in advance for the forseeable possibilities that might arise as a consequence of going outside our relationship for sex. FYI, we live 3 hours apart because of our respective carers and are very much emotionally committed. Having sex with other people, (we are discerning in our choices and honest with everyone involved) has infused our relationship with a newness and a deeper level of mutual trust. I hope this helps.

 

I guess my problem is I'm in an open relationship and my wife isn't......

 

I'd honestly try to fix your guy first. I'm not a fan of open relationships though, jealousy sucks.

 

Are you people crazy???? Don't tell him that you've already had a taste of the action just put that to the back of your mind. You don't know for sure what his reaction might be and worst case scenario is that he leaves you as a result. Sometimes we are better off not knowing things and I don't buy any bullshit about 'a basis for understanding' or 'your relationship will be a sham if you don't...' It sounds like you intend to sleep with this guy again anyway, its called an affair and the idea is to do it in secret I think.

Edit spelling only.

 

'tis better to be dumb and happy than the alternative. if he does find out, at least the breakup won't be long and drawn out.

 

Don't tell him...

 

I'm afraid I can't see any good that can come from this. Someone's going to get hurt eventually.

 

Yeah...umm.. I can't get on board with the don't tell crowd. Thats adds insult to injury & just causes more emotional damage than coming clean. That has to be the dumbest idea ever.


Oh, and this has cuckold written ALL over it.