Age Appropriate Clothes (12 Year Old Daughter)

My daughter (aged 12) visits my ex-wife on alternate weekends, and has her own clothes there that generally don't come here (long story, but most times she changes address by going to school from here and being picked up there, and returned to school before coming home in the evening).

One activity that she always does from home (rather than the ex-wife's house) is anything to do with Scouting.

As April 23rd is St George's Day, her Scout group always have a church parade on the nearest Sunday (which was today), so I collected her from the ex to get her home in time to get her uniform on.

I was interested (but not really horrified) to note that she was sent over wearing a "Velvet Underground and Nico" T-Shirt.

I'm fairly sure that my ex is not familiar with the CONTENT of the album in question.

So - the query here is - "Do you think it matters that the album deals with drugs, sex, and violence, or is it OK for a 12 year old girl to advertise because (as she says) it has this cool banana on"?

 

Have you asked your daughter if she knows The Velvet Underground or ever heard any music from that particular album? Any chance of her just being a Warhol fan? I'm just wondering because I know I wore some outlandish stuff as a kid without having any understanding about meaning or connotation. Sometimes I would pick something just because I dug the design or colors of it.

Only you can tell if your girl's reasoning is sound and honest. It is probably harmless, unless she also comes back in a Body Count/Cop Killer shirt.

 

Well, her step mother runs and art gallery, and upon questioning she was more aware of Warhol than Reed, Cage et al. Of course, she knew VU was a rock group, and when I put the record on she liked the songs - especially "Waiting For My Man" - although she was surprised that it was about drugs.

We had a talk about wearing merchandise for a band that you don't like, or at the very least know about, because you might actually be espousing a point of view that you would find anathema.

 

Better that than "Venus in Furs." Sounds like you've already got it under control.

 

She thought it odd "Shiny, shiny, shiny piece of leather". She is young enough that a song about sex seems silly rather than intriguing.

 

Sounds like you handled this perfectly. One thing I really learned is that most of the dress code type thing you have to let go. They go through phases, look at your own old photos and see for yourself. There are places you have to draw the line at of course... shirts/skirts too short/tight etc.. but most of it, you just need to let them discover their own identity. 12 can be a really icky age... kids can be weird... and adults can seem weird/insensitive/unfair to kids too.

 

One of the trends now is to wear rock shirts to look retro. My sister's daughter wanted a Beatles shirt. I don't think she's ever heard a Beatles song, other than "Here Comes the Sun". Should I worry about potential LSD trips or subliminal devil worship if she wears it backwards? I don't think so. The band's name is less significant than the "look". I personally think they are more interested in conforming than ingesting the music's content or conveying the band's intended message.

 

You're thinking way too hard. It's a vintage band shirt with a cool and entirely inoffensive design, it's not going to hurt her or anyone else. If the artwork or text were objectionable, that would be another story.

 

It could be worse.

Could be Misfits.

 

Meh. I've seen parents let their kids dress (or who have dressed their kids) in truly horrifying kinderslut apparel. A Velvet Underground t-shirt is nothing. Just be glad she's wearing stuff that actually covers the bits that need covering.

And besides, though I concur the album's a bit on the dark side of 70s rock, better Velvet Underground than Justin Bieber....

 

You let her know that sometimes somethings can have more meaning than just "hey, cool banana!" but I'm reasonably certain nobody's reading that much into a band shirt on anyone as long as it's not prussian blue. I mean after all how many kids wear Che shirts?

I think you handled it well but had a Dad moment. Maybe you also got the lesson in about how you dress in general affecting how people think of you.

 

Totally agree on the "Juicy" thing, rogue!

Regarding the t-shirt, I've ALWAYS had a problem with people wearing band shirts when they don't know the material - I'm a snob that way. In 1989 as a student, WAY before it was mainstream, I met someone in a G'N'R shirt with the Robot Rape (original cover of Appetite for Destruction) on it, and commented that I also liked the record. They didn't realise it was a record...

Fast forward to 2000 or so, and see all the kids wandering about town in Nirvana shirts, who certainly haven't heard Nevermind.

/pet hate

 

My future daughter better walk around as a nun.

And not the slutty type.

 

There's another type?

 

Well... whatever floats your boat.