Biblical Computer Bashing

[Furry]

I came across this old message log whilst going through my files. *Names changed to protect identities* I don't know if I should post it in humor or here, but anyway here you go:

Larry says:
still haven't fixed your computer I bet.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
leave me alone!
Larry says:
no!
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
you're bullying me.
Larry says:
Hahaha
Larry says:
*prod*
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
...
Larry says:
*prod prod prod*
Larry says:
All you need is motivation
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
grrr.
Larry says:
may I suggest unearthing a 486 and contemplating having to use it.
Larry says:
that should get you started
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
hehe.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
no, my PC will be fine.
Larry says:
I doubt it. It will slowly get worse and worse. Your mouse will become erratic. Your keyboard will start inputting japanese style and your USB devices will be mysteriously burnt out. And that's just the start, oh yes
Larry says:
your games will become overwritten with Pong and Pac-Man files. Your CPU will disintergrate in a flash of light, and these shall be the Signs Of The Last Days
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
mmm, pac-man.
Larry says:
Then the Wrath of the Angel of Gates shall pour out the bowl of viruses upon the land and you will be badly screwed over
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
viruses won't be able to run on a 486.
Larry says:
Niether will anything else.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
except pong and pac-man. two of the greatest games ever created.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
and breakout.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
and civ 1. and alpha centauri.
Larry says:
Yea thou shalt be shat upon back to the stone age and there shall be a wailing and a gnashing of IP protocols as you use your 9.8kbps modem to connect to the net.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
yay!
Larry says:
And thou shalt wait ages for porn to download (or anything else for that matter) and thou shalt ask thyself "Why oh why didn't I follow advice and clean my computer out when I needed to?"
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
heh.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
i already wait ages for porn to download. no difference there.
Larry says:
Thou shalt not see thy hi-res movies trailers and newsclips, nor thy worthy E-zines or newsgroups, and thou Email shalt come screeching to a halt verily.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
i do so love teh Biblical languaginess.
Larry says:
especially interspaced with modern phrases
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
indeed.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
and Verily, the annalls of Cyberspace will reign down its mighty Wrath upon you with an Error of Fatal Exceptions.
Larry says:
And the Blue Screen of Everlasting Doom and Horror shall dog thy footsteps until the end of thy miserable existance
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
and Lo! The Operations were Illegal, and He saw that it was bad.
Larry says:
And that was the day of code testing, or so He said
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
but yet they endured much suffering unto the Release Date, whereupon the masses moaned and wailed at the calamities bestowed upon them, He said: Let there be a Patch. And there was.
Larry says:
And He hosted all types of pr0n upon the net, saying unto them "Go forth and multiply" and Lo! They did. And Man named them Hardcore, Lesbians, Teens, Grannies and Interracial.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
heh.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
But then, from the Dark Spot in the hearts of the masses, arose an Evil Thing Indeed. And Peer To Peer spread, and the RIAA hath said "No! This is Theft, and thus is Not Right." And they petitioned the people, who told them to fuck off and kept doing it.
Larry says:
Now there were men in the city who said amongst themselves "Let us build a system unto the heavens, so that we may talk to God", and they built a tower to the heavens, whereupon the Firewall of God struck it down and made the men speak unintelligible languages so none could speak to the others, and it was called the tower of Mac.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
and the Great Kazaa was the representative of the Peer To Peer, and the people loved and adored it. Until one day our Prophet noticed that it hath, behind our backs, been transferring vast quantities of data and travesting your PC for its precious Resources. And the people were not pleased.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
And so, out of the ashes, rose Kazaa Lite. But the Great Kazaa was not happy, for its message of Peace, Love, and Spyware was being corrupted, so they Stamped Down and sent messages to the Almighty Google prohibiting searches for Kazaa Lite.
Larry says:
Then the mighty demon known as AOL came and said "despair, for thou shalt never see the face of God" and Lo! they told him to bugger off and swtiched over to broadband instead.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
and AOL continued to market their stupid free CDs to n00bs who did not Know how to use the internet.
Larry says:
Meanwhile the Almighty Gates had been planning to release the Messiah of All OS's in the shape of the Demon Longhorn, but pirates in Malasia cracked it and sold it to the ignorant people for $2 per copy, and they offended the Lord with their Unl337ness, for Forsooth! It Did Not Work and crashed their systems.
Larry says:
Damn this is fun.
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
Meanwhile, the Forces of Linux were gradually recruiting allies in this Great War, and the Almighty Gates had to do Battle with a Penguin named Tux.
Larry says:
Desperate, the eggheads branched out into consoles with the Xb0xx0r but it was stomped on by the Holy PS2 because it looked shite and had huge controllers
Larry says:
for verily it was the son of the Great Whore
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
But inside the heart of the civilised world, a Great Battle raged between the Great and Good AMD and the Commercialist Forces of Intel. And AMD created the 64-bit chip, whilst Intel decided to help the Almighty Gates with Palladium, an evil project to embed anti-piracy software within their very chips. and the people said No! we want to download mp3's illegally, but Gates did not Listen. Again.
Larry says:
I'm done here I think. I've run out of bible quotes for now, unless you want to carry on....
[KESF]Vaan: WAR! (huh!) What is it good for? says:
heh.

[MooseMan3000]

Alright. If I could read it, I might. While you might find the new name funny, it makes reading this far too difficult.

[liquidlight]

It took a bit, but the lines are funny

The Bible explained: an IM log between Moses and Jesus when they got bored and decided to mock the Egyptians!