to move on or not to move on???

[blktour]

(dont know if this is in the right area) Ok i have this girlfriend for six years.. i am 21 years old and yes we did go thru high school together.. but I am the kind of guy who doesnt thinks of other girls like i want to have sex with them when i see them.. i am very happy with my girlfriend.. now i know "all guys" think like this in thier head and dont act out on it but i dont.. so my dillema... i visit this other forum and the topic was about a picture of another girl.. so we had to make a choice.. so i participated.. and i said that i would hit it.. and that i liked them both.. i have nuthing to hide from my girlfriend so i leave my username logged on... and she got on my computer about a month later and she went to my "all my posts" area and saw that i posted this.... now she thinks im a liar and that everygirl i see i want to have sex with them.. i told her that is not the case.. and she wants a man that NEVER THINKS that.. i told her that its impossible to think that.. i told her that if she ever thought of anohter guy.. then it would be ok.. just as long as she was coming home with me.. she said that is fine but she cant live with someone like me.. Im like WHAT?? after all we have been thru?? she doesnt want to be with me over that.. ?? so now she left and never wants to hear from me again...AAAWWWW!!! what kind of stuff is this?? so i feel that i should not try to stay with this girl if she is like this.. i just think its time for me to move on.... what do u all think..?? i need some input.. im open for ideas...... help a lost fellow out..

[gh0ti]

Man, I would say move on. You don’t need to be with someone who is so insecure about themselves (and shallow apparently) that they break up with you over saying you would 'hit' a chick on a picture on the internet.

At the same time I ask myself, what else is going on here? Are there any other issues going on in your relationship?

I'm about a year and a half or so out of a 5 year relationship, which I'm just now honestly getting over. It's going to take time (if you really decide to walk away) but its part of growing up. In my case, I screwed up royally; got in trouble with the law and when it looked like I was going to go to prison she took off. I didn’t end up going to prison, and I'm almost done with my probation, she called me a couple of weeks ago telling me she wanted to get back together when I finished things up. I don’t think I can forgive her for walking away like she did when I needed her the most.

Being in a relationship that long you forget (or never learn as young as you where when you got together with her) how many women there are out there. Really beautiful, good women (not just the back stabbing, drug addict, slutty kind - I'm not still bitter I sware ;-)).

[mistered]

You need to tell her that you care about her, and the fact that you look at other women doesn't change that. Give it another try. It might be time to move on, but at least you tried. You'll find out if it was just an overreaction on her part, or if she is just using this as an excuse to get out.

[PDOUBLEOP]

She may be just playing with you to stroke her ego. Maybe she thinks that if you come chasing after her then you're really dedicated to her.

[Bill O'Rights]

I, for one, am going for the "move on" option. I know that it's not what you want to hear, but there it it. From my experience (I'm 42), she's got some emotional problems, and has got a lot of growing up to do. If she's willing to throw away your relationship, over something this minor (and believe me, in the grand scheme of things, this is very minor), then how is she going to handle a real situation? Unless she was just using this incident as an excuse to "take the walk", then Little Missy has got one hell of a lot of growing up to do, before she is ever going to be able to be in an effectual relationship.
On the other hand, if you're her "first" relationship, then she may truly not have a clue about what life is. It may take 2 or 3 failures on her part, to fully realize what it was that she lost. But, by then I expect that you'll have long since found a beautiful young woman, that can appreciate you for you, and not some fantasized Prince Charming.

[maleficent]

I got side tracked -- but Bill said exactly what I was going to...

I have so very little patience with people, of either gender, that act like that. You didn't do anything wrong, and she way way WAY overreacted.

Move on...

[rockzilla]

Yep, she's got big time trust issues. You're not gonna be able to help her with those. There are plenty more women out there. Take a little time to yourself, then get back out there.

[Wax_off]

Move on, find someone more connected to reality. Minor rant, I hate that women are socialized to think that this kind of behaviour is O.K. All those fucking romance novels give them totally wrong ideas of what men and relationships are about.

[Rodney]

She overreacted, so much so that I wonder if she was looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship. Even if not, as others have said her reaction was immature, her expectations 'way out of line. She doesn't know very much about life and relationships, may have some starry-eyed idea that a guy should worship her and nobody else. Well, the glands don't work that way.

I knew a guy who'd totally flip everytime he saw a good-looking redhead. Just couldn't keep his eyes off her. He never did anything about it, of course, but it was really obvious that his glands were firing. His wife ( _not_ a redhead_) just rolled her eyes whenever it happened. Like you say, blktour, she knew who he was going home with -- her. Your ex -- and she is ex -- isn't experienced or wise or secure enough to know that. If you want to give her one more chance for old-times sake, go ahead. But if she doesn't want to talk about it except to say that you're somehow bad, there's nothing to be done.

[noodles]

Originally Posted by Rodney

She overreacted, so much so that I wonder if she was looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship..

this is my initial reaction to the story. the "real" problem may lie elsewhere and this might just be an excuse of sorts for an out. if she's really committed to you, she'll suck it up and it'll work out. if not, is it worth it to continue the relationship if you know it will fall apart at something so rediculous?

[AquaFox]

life lesson #1232431423

--never save your passwords or use auto-log-in features

[godxzilla]

I think thats rediculous - she was most likely looking for a way out. if she was thinking about it, chances are she already has a new man in mind. noticed any changes in her lately?

[Vincentt]

Drop her and don't look back.
It will be good for you to see other women anyway.
I can't stand women who 'break up' all the time when something little goes on.
She wants you to chase after her. Don’t play this game, or you’ll be playing it for the rest of your life. Can you marry someone who wants a divorce every time there is a snag in the bills?

I had a girl once ask for a “break” right before I went to the beach. She didn’t want me to go without her, but refused to ask off work to go. I go every year with my friend from high school so I told her I don’t do “breaks” and if she wanted one then it was over. On a side note, going to the beach with an old friend, is great for getting over a girlfriend.

We had gone out for 2 years; people have told me that I was quick to throw a relationship away. But I am not the one, who threw it away.

Just decide if you want to go crawling back on your knees, or find out what else is in the world. Do something that you always wanted to do, but didn’t because you were tied down. Like study abroad, or see what dating at 21 is like.

[World's King]

She spied on you then got mad with what she found. Her fault. If you have never given her a reason to think you would cheat on her before this, even though this is dumb, she should settle the fuck down and get ver the fact that you and her are both human.

See, in my many years of dating way too many girls an fuckin' them all over, I've learned a few things. If a girl gets mad and jealous if you talk to or look at another woman or is always making comments about you cheating on her... She's more then liky looking to cheat on you or already has. Move one kid. But just remember. They are all fuckin' nuts.

[Prince]

That's.....incredibly immature. This is the sort of shit you expect from a high school girl.

Time to upgrade, man. Big time.

[MikeyChalupa]

Maybe you should leave yourself logged in to TFP and let her read this thread.

And if you ARE reading it girly, you need to grow up. If this guy has been nothing but good to you since you were both in HIGH SCHOOL then give him a break. The problem isn't with him. If you have insecurity issues talk to him, work through them with him. Don't immediately assume that he's cheating on you or even that he would just because of a post in an on-line forum. He's not going to leave you to go find this mystery girl that was in that picture, and if you seriously think he would then you have more than just insecurity issues, you need locked up.

It's great that you love the guy so much that you are afraid to lose him. But if you walk around all day worried that you will, you will never truly enjoy him and your relationship together. Give the guy a chance.

-Mikey

[1010011010]

Move on. The specific issue you describe it irrelevant- she's looking for a reason to break up with you, and that is what she found.

_____________

On the other hand, it could be that she feels the need to go out and try new things. She's been with you for six years, through most of highschool. I'd wager she's starting to wonder what other people are like. So she might be trying to break up with you not because she has any particular problem with you (other than that you're familiar) but because she doesn't want to cheat on you.

So, provided you don't make the split too acrimonious, it's possible she'll go out, realize how shitty dating new people can be, and come back. Depends if you want to be in that position. If you can handle her fucking other people, forgive her, and take her back when it doesn't work out (and have this cycle repeat periodically), it's up to you.

She's just wondering if she's with you because she's been with you for as long as she can remember, or if she's with you because you're really the one she wants. If she decides that you are the one she wants, and you're still around and available, you two might be better off in the long run.

That said, I'd still recommend moving on.

[Stompy]

You're only human, so of course you're gonna look at other females.

I know she probably believes what she thinks is right, but in reality, she is quite insecure and has control issues.

As you can see, insecurity leads to nothing but major problems down the road. It's probably the most disgusting behavorial issue to have. I've experienced it quite a bit in the past from ex girlfriends. It's horrible and I feel bad you have to deal with it.

Move on as quickly as possible and/or ask her to seek professional help.

[edit]
Let's put it this way, if you two can have conversations of, "Yeah, I'd totally get it on with him/her", then you know you're good to go in the insecurities/control department.

[Coppertop]

She wants a man who will never, ever look at another woman and think to himself "Hmm, I'd hit that." Yeah right. She's dreaming. Total overreaction on her part.

[snowy]

Move on.

Like my dad says, "Women are like streetcars. There's another one every fifteen minutes."

Maybe next time you'll find someone better.

[ratbastid]

You know, living in denial about your (natural, normal, healthy) instincts isn't helping things. OF COURSE you see other women and have an irrational, immediate sexual attraction to them. If you have a pulse, that happens sometimes. You don't have to be a man, either. I just flat don't buy that you don't think like that sometimes.

Your (ex-)girl's problem is, she's looking for something that doesn't exist.

[Psycho Dad]

While I don't suggest anyone take advice they get online as gospel, I'll vote on "Move On". If this girl's panties got in such a knot over such a trivial issue as this, she'll really go nuts if she thinks you may have shown an interest in a real girl.

[longbough]

speak the truth
make no apologies
move on