RCR

Hopefully writing this down and getting some feedback will help add a sense of perspective to my current problems.

Basically I am holiday for 2 months in Malaysia, and am having a fantastic time, and have met many people who i would call friends for life.

However 2 weeks ago i met a girl, (Mandy) who was rather lovely and all things being equal i thougt she shared the same sentiments towards me. These thoughts were confirmed when her best friend(Jane) told me we should go out. I got the girls numb er and prompltly asked her out to the movies on weds. Things turned out that we actually went on a double date with Jane and her boy-friend, and things didnt go too well, infact i felt that it was more like one of my earlier teenage dates whereby nothing was said to each other and awkwardness of the situation was incredible, i couldnt wait to go. Saw the film and then as the girls had school the next day we went to Starbucks for some hotchocolate, and the whole time Mandy's bestfriend was/had to be the centre of attention, needy/naggy and just an absolute bore. Infact i spoke more to Jane the whole night, screwed up....

So i thought right ill give it another go with Mandy, not mandy and her best friend, they were completely inseparable. On friday night i give Mandy a call and explicitly say i want to see you and can we meet at 8:30 outside this place and then i wanted to head into KL to go clubbing with some friends and would like her to join me etc etc. So im sitting outside the place and by 8:45 am begining to get a bit anxious. Give her a text where she replies that they cant get a taxi....I mean what the fcuk tell me this so i dont have to wait like an idiot,

So i go off to get a few drinks, when she texts me to say that she has arrived and that we can meet up. Great i wander into the bar and low and behold she is with Jane....who by 9:30(!) which was the time, is as drunk as a skunk...

The next two hours are spent trying to talk to Mandy/whilst she wrestles with her needy disgrace of a best friend, I'm set to leave by 12 and ask mandy if she can come, no she cant because she has to get her best friend home and tucked up by 1am...

I just say ok, give her a peck on the cheek(only personal contact throughout....)

Ok heres where it gets complicated...deep breath....

Whilst waiting for a cab, i see this absolutely stunning blonde...feeling somewhat drunk and over ambitious, i wander over and just introduce myself and ask if she wants to come to town with me, she couldnt but we exchanged numbers and names etc.

Thought nothing of it and went and had a great time in KL.

Ok so this blond(Sarah) texts me on saturday morning to say she is going out with some friends and would i like to join her.

We go out on saturday and have a great time, and get close.

We then meet up on sunday to see a film, and that was fantastic.

Im really happy and decide to take things further, all the time i havent texted mandy or heard from her either. I figured that she had enough like myself. Anyway on tuesday morning i get a text from mandy saying would i like to see her on sunday(she was leaving on holiday and would not be back until sunday) I texted back that we had to have a chat, and that i would meet her on sunday. She was confused and wanted to know what about. Now there is no way i am going to disrespect her by "Dumping her"(even though it would be somewhat tenuous to describe ourselves as in a relationship) over sms so i just left it at that and would see her on sunday.

Sarah and i go out on tuesday night where we have a great time till we go to quite a small club where Jane is with the rest of her school friends...(Jane is 16)

Of course Jane is as pissed as a fart, vacuous bint then starts shouting that Sarah is cheating on Mandy. And it gets quite heated, i try to reason with Jane, saying dont tell Mandy as i want to do this on sunday etc...fat chance of that.

On Weds, i get some rather nasty texts from mandy- and stupidly at the moment i reply quite curty and obviously this was a bad thing to do as it only worsened the situation(lesson learned in that sense, chalk one up to inexperience)

Then of course you get the insults from the best friend, i hope your happy etc etc...insufferable cow,

So with that sorted out....not the cleanest way to do things granted, but in my opinon case closed, a case of bruised ego etc

Go out with sarah on friday night and have a fantastic night,

Mandy got back last night from holiday and i think for some reason the shit really met the fan....

We were going to meet up this morning but it turns out that Sarah was receiving some really nasty text messages from an "anonymous" number(bravery in all its glory) and we have just had a chat, whereby i learn some really bad things....

Mandy is not good with disappointed or being upset so she hurts herself

Sarah is one of the nicest girls i know and she cant have that hanging over her...so we break up.

I have no problem with this as i want what sarah wants.

Now the thing that is worrying me is this girl that is hurting herself, what do i do?

Thank you for your time, sorry about the length....

Zeraph

Wow that was unnecessarily long. heh. Anyways, how did mandy get sarah's number?

My advice to your question though, is to forget about her. If she wants to hurt herself that is her business. That may sound a bit harsh, but I've learned you simply can't worry about everyone, and in this case it doesn't sound like there's anything you can do. I mean, you can't date her again, since when you inevitably broke up again it would be worse. What else can you do, go to her house and watch her 24/7 ? Only thing is to try and explain one last time what happened. Be mature about it.

Oh and not that you asked this but, dont let sarah get away just because of some stalker ex.

fnaqzna

Look out for yourself. Anything else is bullshit at this point.

RCR

Hey thanks

Sarah and Mady used to go to the same school thats how they had each others numbers

I was thinking along the same lines,

Thanks again

rcr

RCR

thanks though

ibis

Tell Mandy exactly what you've told us... if there is any hell about anything forget her focus on Sarah.

bal8664

Well what do you mean by "hurts herself"? If she is seriosly hurting herself in a dangerous way you should tell someone who cares about her, IE. her parents, or teachers. You could tell her friends but they may not believe uyou and just think your an angry ex trying to start trouble. I wouldn't just ignore it, she was your friend once remember.

Lone Driver

Wow, You went out with Mandy a few times. Two bad dates and a few messages does not a relationship make. So it didn't work out, you didn't marry her, you don't owe her. Get over it.

Don't let Sarah get a way thought. Do what you have to if she is what you want. You'll have a long time to regret a missed opportunity.

LD

RCR

I think mandy's problem is well know amongst people who care about her.

Lone driver:

Well put

Stick

Don't let Sarah go. Mandy needs professional help. Sounds like Jane should go with her.

Willravel

If Mandy tries to hurt herself, tell her parents. If they don't do anything, call the police. This is not your problem. It sounds like she was mucked up long before you got involved. If this is some desperate attempt for attention, she should be getting that attention from someone qualified to help her deal with her issues. Tell Sarah to block their numbers. "...it turns out that Sarah was receiving some really nasty text messages..." Yikes, dude. I'm thinking you start hanging out with people your age (because you couldn't be their age, otherwise you wouldn't be on TFP, as the age requirement is 18). As my experience has taught me, girls (as opposed to women) are more likely to do stuff like this. Also, the drinking age in Malaysia is 18, so Jane (16) should be home. I would be led to assume by Jane's age that Mandy as 16 as well. Drunk + underage = bad news.

Leave Mandy and Jane to their own devices. You clearly were not meant for Mandy. Sarah sounds like good news. Go have fun. You're young.

RCR

Yep Mandy is 17 and Jane is 16...

Sarah is 18 and myself im just 19.

These text messages are not abusive but incredibly hostile in only a way teenage girls can be.

There is a lot of underage drinking here....

thank you for your kind advice.

Cynthetiq

aaah I miss being in Singapore and Malaysia... lots of good times drinking out there... underage? you just have to have enough ringgits

Mandy has issues.... not your job to fix her.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Rainy

Dude i had a very similar situation about 4 years back.

I split up from my girlfriend, then 6 months later i'm in a night club with another girl on a date when my ex comes over while we are dancing and punches me and my date in the head. Needless to say the bouncers chucked her out the club, but i found out the next day that she was harming herself and even took an OD on painkillers and was in hospital.....

my advice, get a new chip for your cell phone, contact mandy's mother and tell her that she is self harming and just get on with your life. you're 19 man, so just look out for yourself and meet someone else.

Pwilll

If I were you, I would just tell Mandy what you told us, that you had some bad times and that it wasn't her fault it was Jane's. Don't tell her you met another girl. Just say that you don't think it's going to work out right, and, then go and talk to Sarah and ask if you can just start over because you really like her and feel terrible about the situation but that it's over.

Or make up some bullshit excuse...

Dale Kemp

Ahh, the answer is so obvious. You're in Maylasia on holiday. Enjoy the time, and then go home. These demented ladies need some space, and you need to get away from Mandy and her friend. They are trouble, with a capital T.

But see if Sarah wants to get together somewhere else, or some other time. If not, well, move on and get over it.

__________________
Trueheart

analog

people who hurt themselves don't answer to you, they only answer to themselves. let her down as nicely as you'd like, but then walk away and don't look back. she's not going to do anything to herself that she wouldn't have done without you anyway.

RCR

Yeah, im just walking away,

Im on holiday and to be honest things had gotten too serious...

Thanks all for the kind/intelligent replies!