so how long after.. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

ToothpicksMcgee · 05-12-2004, 12:51 PM

I got this girl's phone number, that was the easy part. We spoke monday. Haven't called her yet because if I did it would seem I'm desperate, which I'm not. So in your opinion, how sparse a time span should there be between me getting a number and calling it?

Averett · 05-12-2004, 12:53 PM

People please stop asking this question. For the love of God!

Call when you wan to call!!!

People need to get these ideas out of their heads about "if I call now I'll look this way or that way"

Ack.

The proper span between getting a number and calling is when you want to call.

ToothpicksMcgee · 05-12-2004, 01:03 PM

Condolences.

But not everyone's thought patterns are the same, and because I don't know her too well people tend to make assumptions like "oh he's pushy" or "oh he or she is so layed back" etc.

skysooner · 05-12-2004, 01:09 PM

There is a line of thought that says things happen for a reason. I believe in this to a point. Some things happen to us because we make them happen. Some things happen to us by fortuitous circumstances or "luck". Some things happen to us just because.

This is an example of the first and second. You can make it happen by getting off this "wait a certain amount of time to call attitude" and just doing it. If it doesn't work out, you probably weren't meant to be with her anyway. I spent years knocking my head against a wall trying to understand women and trying to play everything correctly. What it got me were 3 long-term girlfriends that I had begun to think of possible marriage with. One ended up cheating on me, one was just a psycho bitch who always ran back to me when her ego needed stroking and the third was unmedicated bipolar (which is its own separate hell). My wife (who I adore) just fell in my lap so to speak. It was so easy that I wondered where the relationship pain was.

There is a lot to be said for saying "What the fuck" and just doing it.

absorbentishe · 05-12-2004, 01:09 PM

Dude,

the issue isn't when to call her, but why haven't you. This has been asked a countless times here, and the consensus is that you need to call at least right away, or the next day. Screw the old wives tales about not calling for 3 days, yatta yatta. Freakin' call already.

ToothpicksMcgee · 05-12-2004, 01:20 PM

It's just that, like Skysooner mentioned above, I want to play the right cards this time. I'm constantly trying to analyse what I've done wrong in the past and trying to make them right with every new chance I get, but I suppose it's not the right way to go about this.

Maybe I should just go with the flow. I'll call the next opportunity I get, that is, at a reasonable time. Fuck, why do I make a big deal out of these things?

World's King · 05-12-2004, 03:55 PM

Everyone always wants to play the right cards. Give it like two days. Don't ask her out the first time you call... have a small conversation. Tell her to call you if she wants to go out some time... don't ask her out. If she says "Why don't we go out this weekend then?" Tell her to call you to make the plan.

Just give it a few days... call like on a Thursday. That's good advance warning for a weekend drunken orgy.

wraith41 · 05-12-2004, 06:38 PM

I have to disagree with the "call right away" consensus. I mean, if you hit it off great, sparks are flying all over the place, etc etc, calling soon wouldn't be much of a problem. But most of the time, you hardly know a person when you have a number. Calling right away can be seen as desperate, pushy, overbearing, psychotic...the list goes on. Personally, all of my friends whom are girls would react badly to a guy calling very quickly

ToothpicksMcgee · 05-12-2004, 07:31 PM

Ah finally someone who sees it my way... that's exactly what I was saying. I don't want to seem anxious, and I know for a fact women in general tend to examine these things thoroughly.

About making plans.. well, you see, I barely know this girl but I decided to have fun, so just like that I approached her and I went almost immidiately to the point. I never even asked for a number, I only told her that I thought she was really interesting and I'd love to get to know her. She just asked me if I wanted to exchange numbers right away so we could make plans. So basically i'll call her and ask her if she wants to do something or other, nothing too fancy, 'cause like I said, I barely know her and vice versa.

Funny, because I never got any girl's number that fast in..ever.

skysooner · 05-12-2004, 08:06 PM

Well there's a difference between calling quickly and calling incessantly. Anxious is when you appear desperate because you are needy/clingy or call too often at first. You can still call quickly and be confident. She might actually think you are a nice guy, because you don't play games. I met my wife through a newspaper ad I placed. I talked with her for about 30 minutes the day I got the letter, we went out that night and 2 more times that week. We talked every single day and were unofficially engaged within a month.

froseph · 05-12-2004, 08:45 PM

Sometimes I think people over think things. Does it really matter? If the girl likes you, she wont care if you call too early.

05-12-2004, 12:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
ToothpicksMcgee Upright	so how long after.. I got this girl's phone number, that was the easy part. We spoke monday. Haven't called her yet because if I did it would seem I'm desperate, which I'm not. So in your opinion, how sparse a time span should there be between me getting a number and calling it?

05-12-2004, 12:53 PM	#2 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	People please stop asking this question. For the love of God! Call when you wan to call!!! People need to get these ideas out of their heads about "if I call now I'll look this way or that way" Ack. The proper span between getting a number and calling is when you want to call. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

05-12-2004, 03:55 PM	#7 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Everyone always wants to play the right cards. Give it like two days. Don't ask her out the first time you call... have a small conversation. Tell her to call you if she wants to go out some time... don't ask her out. If she says "Why don't we go out this weekend then?" Tell her to call you to make the plan. Just give it a few days... call like on a Thursday. That's good advance warning for a weekend drunken orgy. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

05-12-2004, 08:45 PM	#11 (permalink)
froseph Tilted	Sometimes I think people over think things. Does it really matter? If the girl likes you, she wont care if you call too early. __________________ sometimes it just takes a cat

05-12-2004, 01:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
ToothpicksMcgee Upright	Condolences. But not everyone's thought patterns are the same, and because I don't know her too well people tend to make assumptions like "oh he's pushy" or "oh he or she is so layed back" etc.

05-12-2004, 01:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	There is a line of thought that says things happen for a reason. I believe in this to a point. Some things happen to us because we make them happen. Some things happen to us by fortuitous circumstances or "luck". Some things happen to us just because. This is an example of the first and second. You can make it happen by getting off this "wait a certain amount of time to call attitude" and just doing it. If it doesn't work out, you probably weren't meant to be with her anyway. I spent years knocking my head against a wall trying to understand women and trying to play everything correctly. What it got me were 3 long-term girlfriends that I had begun to think of possible marriage with. One ended up cheating on me, one was just a psycho bitch who always ran back to me when her ego needed stroking and the third was unmedicated bipolar (which is its own separate hell). My wife (who I adore) just fell in my lap so to speak. It was so easy that I wondered where the relationship pain was. There is a lot to be said for saying "What the fuck" and just doing it.

05-12-2004, 01:09 PM	#5 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Dude, the issue isn't when to call her, but why haven't you. This has been asked a countless times here, and the consensus is that you need to call at least right away, or the next day. Screw the old wives tales about not calling for 3 days, yatta yatta. Freakin' call already.

05-12-2004, 01:20 PM	#6 (permalink)
ToothpicksMcgee Upright	It's just that, like Skysooner mentioned above, I want to play the right cards this time. I'm constantly trying to analyse what I've done wrong in the past and trying to make them right with every new chance I get, but I suppose it's not the right way to go about this. Maybe I should just go with the flow. I'll call the next opportunity I get, that is, at a reasonable time. Fuck, why do I make a big deal out of these things?

05-12-2004, 06:38 PM	#8 (permalink)
wraith41 Upright	I have to disagree with the "call right away" consensus. I mean, if you hit it off great, sparks are flying all over the place, etc etc, calling soon wouldn't be much of a problem. But most of the time, you hardly know a person when you have a number. Calling right away can be seen as desperate, pushy, overbearing, psychotic...the list goes on. Personally, all of my friends whom are girls would react badly to a guy calling very quickly

05-12-2004, 07:31 PM	#9 (permalink)
ToothpicksMcgee Upright	Ah finally someone who sees it my way... that's exactly what I was saying. I don't want to seem anxious, and I know for a fact women in general tend to examine these things thoroughly. About making plans.. well, you see, I barely know this girl but I decided to have fun, so just like that I approached her and I went almost immidiately to the point. I never even asked for a number, I only told her that I thought she was really interesting and I'd love to get to know her. She just asked me if I wanted to exchange numbers right away so we could make plans. So basically i'll call her and ask her if she wants to do something or other, nothing too fancy, 'cause like I said, I barely know her and vice versa. Funny, because I never got any girl's number that fast in..ever.

05-12-2004, 08:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Well there's a difference between calling quickly and calling incessantly. Anxious is when you appear desperate because you are needy/clingy or call too often at first. You can still call quickly and be confident. She might actually think you are a nice guy, because you don't play games. I met my wife through a newspaper ad I placed. I talked with her for about 30 minutes the day I got the letter, we went out that night and 2 more times that week. We talked every single day and were unofficially engaged within a month.