Living With Roommates, and its Effect On Sexuality
 

I have a roommate....and when I say roommate, I mean we share *a* room. Which is fine most of the time...but pretty bad when I'm trying to get busy. The last time this happened, my boyfriend and I were in the middle of the most mind-blowing intercourse we've experienced together. Candles lit, eyes locked, orgasms at hand....and then we hear roomie's key in the lock, which is just about the best way to kill the mood when your roommate is a prude. When I yelled to hang on, she waited a few moments before yelling, "Can I come in yet?" I threw Ryan into the bathroom, gathered up the incriminating evidence, and threw on my bathrobe before I let in roomie, who came in and started chatting like it was nothing. Is it wrong of me to think she should have buzzed off for a few minutes instead of expecting us to stop, pack up, and say goodnight? She knew what we were doing....dead people could have heard us. Am I being selfish? I've never kicked her out of the room, my sex life is worked around her schedule most of the time.

Do you have roommates, or have you had roommates in the past? Have you run into similar problems? Your feedback is much appreciated.

Back in college I had a roommate with whom I shared a room with in the frat.

Now we had an open air dorm on the third floor, and whoever didn't have a girl that night had to sleep up there (poor thing).

Well long story short, my new GF and I were fucking like rabbits (my roommates description heh) to the point that she was over most of the time. If we were just sleeping my roommate was sleeping in a bunk bed and we were on a futon on the floor. Being young, horny, and not married, we of course had morning sex and more then once we did under the blanket while he was 'sleeping' (his bunk was really high and if he were looking down it would be obvious). On at least one occasion he was awake for it and we both told him good morning.

Now my roommate wasn't a prude, which helped a lot, and being guys we had the standard 'rules'.

If your roommate is a prude, you could just sit down and ask her ahead of time to not return until a certain time. This is the mature thing to do.

That or just get it on and let her walk in while you are at it. She should be mortified and embarrassed and will learn that way :).

i don't think i could handle that type of living situation, kudos to you for not going ballistic, i would have.

What about the tried-and-true rubberband, handkerchief (whatever) on the doorknob? Tell her that sometimes you guys will want/need some privacy (tell her that this goes for her, too), and that it'd be nice if when she comes home and sees the band, etc, that she hang somewhere for a while. If you tell her that you're willing to do the same for her, she should understand. If not, get a doorlock on the inside.. you know, one of those slidey ones.. then she can't come in anyways. lol ;)

I agree with sillygirl....sit down with your roommate and come to some sort of arrangement regarding those occasions when either of you may need some "private time".

Now, realizing that she's somewhat the prude (your description, remember), it might be judicious of you to phrase it so that she can take it as whenever either of you needs privacy or just wants to be alone. That way, she won't see this as her hindering your wanton, lustful acts (which she is), but instead as her allowing you - and you, her - to have the space each of you might need from time to time.

Just a thought. But hey, I'm a guy. My roomie and myself? Well, we've got separate rooms, for starters. But that doesn't mean that either of us might not get a request to make themself scarce for several hours.

if all else fails and you're getting desperate, buy her tickets to lord of the rings...that gives you 3.5 hours right there.

I agree about rubberband or Something on the door...I'm a guy, though, and would have no problems telling my roommate to get lost (got cellphones with text messaging? *plz stay away until next text recieved*)

Barring all that...Does your BF have a more suitable dwelling?

tried and true "do not disturb" sign we "borrowed" from a hotel kept my roommate and me from walking in unwanted...

worked 20 years ago, will still work now, I think

Yeah, I've got a roommate. My girlfriend has a roommate too. Its really hard for us to get any time alone in my room, since my roommate is ALWAYS in the room. Hes the antisocial never goes out type roommate. So, every night hes in there watching tv or playing video games. Atleast her roommate goes out and parties, and usually doesnt come back til the next morning.

I think there is a line where being "sensitive to someone's feelings" crosses over the line of reasonable, where it's actually (OBVIOUSLY) interfering with your own happiness. What the fuck do you owe her?

YOU have to bend over (no pun) to accomodate her being a prude, and she does nothing to accept YOUR feelings on the issue?

BULLSHIT.

Communication, agreement, and accomodation work both ways. If she wants to not have to see you having sex, then she has to accept the fact that you deserve some private time because YOU RESPECT HER WISHES. I HATE selfish people like that, and PRUDES have the highest selfish factor of anyone I've ever met.

She's being selfish. 1. Tell her you need private time, and that you need to work something out.

2. Find another roommate, or another room. Now. It's only going to get worse once you confront her.

When I lived in the dorm, we used a girl's hair scrunchie (rubber-band-thingie) on the outside of the door knob as a "keep away" signal.

It worked quite well.

well said analog, everyone had good suggestions, but what it boils down to is, well....you said it

Amen analog. Wish some of my roommates did better in that respect. I had to "accomodate" my roommate who did nothing in return. Though there wasn't anything sexual about that issue.

I am the "antisocial" kind who's in the room most of the time too. Let me speak for the others when I say you need to communicate if you need the room for private purposes. Just because I don't really like going out and partying doesn't mean I'm not willing to help my roommate out, OK?

Yeah, you just need a little signal--a rubberband on the doorknob, tape over the keyhole, something like that to let her know not to come in.

I had a roommate when I first moved out of the house. We had seperate bedrooms (thank god :) ) but the walls were super thin. It's really hard to try get your mood on when you can hear the ol' roommate snickering in the living room.

When we figured out this wasn't working, we started hanging a towel outside on the balcony (We lived on the second floor) that way he could drive up and see it from the street.

I was living in a three bedroom house with a couple of guy friends. Master bedroom was down the hall, and he never got much action anyway (poor guy), so he didn't bother me/us. The other bedroom was right next to mine, and OMG THEY WERE LOUD! I'm talking, wake me up in the middle of the night kind of loud. The walls were thin, so that didn't help matters.

Anyway, Master Bedroom boy had no shame. The boyfriend and I'd be right in the middle of some nice, wonderful sexin', and MB boy would come pound on the door "Hey, you guys in there?". Never got the hint. And I mean, he'd put his head against the door to hear what was going on. (Also thin doors). God. He wouldn't learn.

*sigh* I don't live there anymore, so that's good. Hopefully your roomie'll get the drift.

Simply communicate with your roommate and don't always have your boyfriend over just for sex. Let the roomie hang out in the room when's he's around, then she won't mind doing you and him a favor.

It is hard living with someone you are not in love with. I had a hard time with that in college. some people are more respectful thatn others. Also, some people are more considerate than others. It is really hard to find a good match. Good luck with your roomie.

My freshman year of college we had a dry erase board on our on the outside of our door and if there was a need for privacy we had a code word that would be written on the board. That code word was Salisbury Steak.

:)

I lived with the same roomate for all four years of college, so that tells you a little about how we worked things out.

Our deal was: the person being asked to leave got to say what time to expect them back. And sometimes (finals week, say) it just doesn't work to be kicked out of your room.

Incidentally, the proper term for having been sent away for your roomate to get some is "Sexiled".

We had a loft in our dorm room--I slept above, he slept below. lurkette would often sleep over which usually started completely asexually and often ended up with my poor roomate getting fucked over. :thumbsup: He never did say anything about that. Hard to say if he was asleep or not.

I had the same roommate during college as well, and we never had a problem.

Well, once senior year I was a bit of a bitch about it. But it was only because it was past 12 (curfew) and I was with my boyfriend in the hallway. We pounded on the door, and a little bit later she let us in. I did feel bad...

We had bunk beds, and I'm positive they had sex in the room while I was there. And I did once as well....

Most of the time she stayed in her boyfriends room, but senior year he had graduated so he mostly stayed with us. We got along fine though.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions...

I'll probably end up talking to her about it when we get back for Spring semester.

Edited.

In college we used bunk beds, i was on the bottom (so the fat kid didn't have to climb to the top while drunk, not only is your balance bad, but gravity pulls at the big kids ass more :) ) and I know several times i've had sex when my roomie was (i persume) sleeping above me.
of course, I believe that he had sex when i was below him.

Of course, when we wanted to have a private evening alone we communicated. The classic line of "hey, how about you don't come home this evening" worked pretty well for us.

one day, after not coming home last night because he asked, I asked him how it was and he said
"Fuck dood, you should have been here so we could have played video games or something. She got drunk and I spent most of the evening holding her hair back"

heh
I miss college, the roomies, the atmosphere, the sense of community and comraderie.

now people that live next to you are assholes and you can't really grab a six pack and head two houses down for a party (in most circumstances....)

Re: Living With Roommates, and its Effect On Sexuality
 

IMHO, having had 4 roommates at the same time, but NOT sharing a room with them, I think you and she need to have a talk.

If she's the kind that says "No Sex Before Marriage", and insists on it, then one of you needs to move out. There's no other way, unless you can arrange to only have sex elsewhere.

I shared a dorm room for one year in college. Neither of us was getting any, so it wasn't a problem. If it had been, one of us would have allowed the other some space. Or simply ignored it.

Why try to hide it? I'd just write: "BUSY FUCKING - ROOM WILL BE OPEN AGAIN AT 11:30"

Well, maybe it's been a while since you've been in dorms, but that sort of thing would have half the building outside your room screaming and cheering you on where I lived - which is amusing for a minute, but it does tend to get in the way of fucking. :p

i had somewhat the same situation....my roomate was always getting it on in our room and i walked in on them about 3 or 4 times...but i never actually went in the room...i just sat out in the living room and waited.....when im gettin busy he knocks on the door and we cover up then he actually comes in and turns the fucking light on....that just pissed me off....but thank god hes gone and i have my own room now....my best suggestion would be to just talk to her about it

Come up with a signal, ie sock on the door. A buddy of mine used to write "John, your sister called" on the message board. That way the roomie can go do whatever for a while. So long as it's mutually agreed, not a problem. If your roomie says no, probably time to take it to the housing board, so you want to switch rooms.

Bob

Signals are a good suggestion only if the roommate listens.

My roommate issues were solved fairly quickly. After the first time the issue was brought up, I simply made a call about two hours in advance to a horny friend of mine with a serious thing for Asian guys. By the time I wanted "a little privacy" she'd dragged his ass back to her dorm room - and I didn't see him again for the next three days.

He bought me a 40 of vodka later on that week. :D

Next time she stumbles in when you're obviously getting down, tell her to come on in, but continue having sex. If that doesn't make her leave, ask her if she wants to join. I'm only partly joking. Either way, things can only get more interesting.

or more awkward around the breakfast table.

I think you're being more than considerate for your roommate, but you should sit her down and explain that you have a boyfriend and the two of you need some private time. Work out some sort of sign for you guys, like a sock on the door, or a locked deadbolt (this would be an easy answer but since you're sharing a room I'm guessing it's a dorm, so that sort of solution is ruled out). make it clear that you'll reciprocate if she respects your private time with your man.

Re: Living With Roommates, and its Effect On Sexuality
 

I used to date a girl that was living in her dorm room at the time.

She divised a system with her roomy that worked quite well.
They made a few signs to hang on the door.

One said Eating

One said studying

One said Sleeping

One said lounging.

They only used the lounging one when they had their respective boyfriend there. That meant you knock once, and come back in half an hour. We knew we had to hurry up, and there was never a problem.:)

good system! :thumbsup:

'bout a million years ago, i was the oddman out when fellow dormie had his girl over for the night (i was top bunk, he&she the bottom) for me it was one of the most awkward/uncomfotable nights i ever spent. ended up crashing in a friends room down the hall.