Evolution of a relationship?

[Sleepyjack]

What normally the time in which you can classify dating someone, and then to be your girlfriend?

what time frame or other metrics would be required?
eg number of dates, time seeing, number of family/friends met etc

I am sorta half seeing someone (1 sorta formal date and other times meeting up at parties/other social functions) and i was introduced as a boyfriend? at the time i was thinking wtf and still am, as i thought we were sorta friends, and then some, only seeing each other a few times now, but this kinda shocked me.

i talked about it for a bit, but generally wanted to change the subject cause i hadn't thought of the idea as such, even though it's normally on my mind anyway.

on the flipside, i hvae a friend who started seeing someone recently as well, just casual stuff, and he claims to have a girlfriend now. And he's saying girlfriend this, girlfriend that a lot.

Seems the label of a significant opther, even though it may not really or fully be there is somtimes comforting for people?

anyway, i was just scared for the moment, but maybe things will change?

although what about your own experience as a relationship forms from casual to more formal things (namely no cheating and commitment to one another)?
in other words, when to start using grilfriend and boyfriend?

[numist]

it can be any of many times...

with my SO, she was my g/f before we were dating, strange as that may seem, we were romantic before we dated.

Seems that the order and the time is unimportant, its just how it all plays out.

[em1014]

When my b/f and I started seeing each other we both thought it was a casual dating kind of thing. I guess our friends had a different idea b/c they kept refering to us as b/f and g/f. I knew my b/f liked me when he asked me out (he talked to his roomate, my friend, about it). I just assumed our friend was using the title "b/f and g/f" because that's what my b/f told him. The funny part was my b/f thought I had said something to our friend. Neither of us wanted that at the time, but neither of us had the balls to say something about it either. I guess it's kinda lucky because I don't see us together now if we hadn't been "forced" into that situation.

I think it was about a week or two into us seeing each other that b/f and g/f were used.

Another little quirky story relating to this is the first time I heard my b/f call me his g/f. We (my b/f and I, mutual friends, his ex g/f/best friend in the whole wide world and her friend) were all sitting around in the den. The phone rang so my b/f left to get it. When he came back he was listing everyone there, then he said "my g/f emily". He evidently hadn't told his ex that we were now dating (or me for that matter!). It was definatly not the first impression I was hoping for when I met her. She ended up in his bedroom crying and I left with other friends.

Sorry this is so long and wordy. I have been awake WAY TOO LONG!

[Bloodslick]

::laugh:: I love those stories, em1014. The awkwardness is palpable.

There is only one time that I haven't been the boyfriend after the first date, and that was because I was young and awkward myself. Now I'm older and have had so many failed relationships that I'll have to count on three hands soon. Thing is, it's still fun getting into them and finding out everything about the person.

[vveronica]

Well if you would like my two cents,,,, You putting the context to the term... Others look at that term obviously in different ways... If Im out with a guy and meet a group i would introduce who was with as a boy friend had we gone out more than once.. But that is solely my guideline. I know others whowould have to have slept with the guy before he becomes a boy friend... They are using the term Boy friend the same way i would use the word lover...

So SleepyJack,, Lets say we were walking down the street and we met your friends... How would you introduce me??? hehehehehehhehe

[Pragma]

The way I prefer to do things is to talk about it (maybe because I'm pretty shy and awkward about it), but I find it's for the best. After my first date with my girlfriend, we kissed. Some time later, I sat down with her and asked "if this made us boyfriend and girlfriend" and we talked about the relationship and agreed it did.

That's how I figure out if I'm a girl's boyfriend. It's the best way to eliminate any confusions about "well, I thought we were just hanging out".

[skysooner]

It's simply a label and means nothing. People can get so hung up on what things are called rather than what they are. To me, it is all about what the relationship is rather than what it is called. I have been with "girlfriends" who were nothing more than surface physical encounters and then others that were deep emotional commitments. It is so hard to get past labels when you are young and don't really have the life experience to see things more clearly. I went through it as well when I was in my late teens and early 20s.

[analog]

You are a girlfriend or a boyfriend when you or the other person you're seeing says it for the first time. You wouldn't say it unless you meant it somewhere deep inside. If you're being introduced, and she says, "this is my boyfriend Sleepy", you have now entered into boyfriend/girlfriend phase, because she feels enough for you in that moment to call you that.

Yeah, and I'm never a fan of labels either anyway. Be what you are, and the rest will all fall into place naturally.

[anti fishstick]

i like to talk about things to get labels established and find out what exactly the relationship is. the whole "what do you want out of this and how much are you willing to put in?" talk.

[Sleepyjack]

analog said
If you're being introduced, and she says, "this is my boyfriend Sleepy", you have now entered into boyfriend/girlfriend phase, because she feels enough for you in that moment to call you that.

Anyway, i sorted had a talked today about things and i hope and thought that she got the idea that i didn't really want to get into this.....

[Zorvox]

LOL!!! That isn't entirely true, the label you stick on someone doesn't mean that that is how they feel.

[analog]

Originally posted by Zorvox
LOL!!! That isn't entirely true, the label you stick on someone doesn't mean that that is how they feel.

I should have elaborated, I guess. In HER eyes, since SHE called it out, you are now "boyfriend/girlfriend"- which means anyone she talks to or knows at all now knows this as well, whether or not you feel the same way. I've never really experienced someone having a girl or guy exclaim boyfriend/girlfriend status, only to have the other rebuke it without dire consequences. If you express that you are NOT, i'm sure that will ensure you won't for quite some time, if at all.

[Loup]

Originally posted by analog
You are a girlfriend or a boyfriend when you or the other person you're seeing says it for the first time. You wouldn't say it unless you meant it somewhere deep inside. If you're being introduced, and she says, "this is my boyfriend Sleepy", you have now entered into boyfriend/girlfriend phase, because she feels enough for you in that moment to call you that.

I wouldn't go that far. No one has the right just saying that s/he is now a girl/boyfriend. If you can't even get to the point of talking where you both are viewing the relationship, what's the point of being in one?

As for your follow-up:

Originally posted by analog
I should have elaborated, I guess. In HER eyes, since SHE called it out, you are now "boyfriend/girlfriend"- which means anyone she talks to or knows at all now knows this as well, whether or not you feel the same way.

Maybe in her eyes: Yes, she thinks she has a boyfriend. but like I said, what is the point of having such a relationship if they haven't even been able to talk freely about it.

In my case, I was 'seeing' my current girlfriend for a couple of months before we talked about making it official. When asked if I had a girlfriend, I would respond that I am seeing someone. I don't know why every one wants to jump into a quick relationship all the time. Like every 3rd thread in TS talks about how "this girl looked at me and I think she likes me". Get to know the people that you are interested in and make sure that you can talk to each other before you try anything serious ... and yes, I do mean sex as well as a relationship.