getting there the first time..

[endorphin]

hi, i got referred here from a friend, he said this is a killer forum to ask this kinda stuff on, so i look forward to contributing to it in the future

i've just turned 18 not two weeks ago, and have been together with a wonderful girl for the past 6 weeks, we've both really hit it off. now things are moving along nicely, we've both been talking about sex. she's keen, i'm keen, but there is a problem.

i've never been with a chick sexually before. nada, zip. nothing. i've never felt comfortable enough around one before, same with her, she's never been with a guy in that sense either because of that fact. we've gone as far as dry sex, mainly cuz he parents have been home when i've been around. she was squirming all over the bed, with very heavy breathing and an occasional moan, which i'm happy with considering i still had my pants on.

i want to be able to really give her a good time the next time she comes around, she's a bit stressed out with upcoming exams, and would love to take her mind off it for a while by driving her wild.

so, a crash course, do's and dont's, anything. i've got no clue what i'm doing when i get down there. there is no detail too small.

[numist]

Hello there, endorphin, and welcome to the boards, you'll find your in the right place for this sort of thing.

study study study.. a first time is always difficult, dont be surprised if there is a bit of blood, and a dose of crying after, losing your virginity is not easy on a woman. Just be as gentle as possible, and get it done right, and you'll be fine. The first time is more of a thing for guys, for women, in my experience, its what comes after the first time that is the best.

That said, if you really want to learn how to please her, check out http://sexuality.org/ - it is an amazing resource of readings on how to get things right, from finding the right hole to finer techniques.

Oh yeah, and this forum is a host of information too, but make sure you get your background reading done.

Repearing myself - the first time will be memorable, but it will probably not be the best night of her life. Just be gentle and understanding. Besides, women love that in a guy

good luck

[anti fishstick]

i think part of the fun is enjoying and discovering eachother as you go along. you both seem inexperienced so it's not a race, or a "who's better than who" and nothing to be intimidated about. just have fun ^_^ sure, there's lots of things online you could read to get a better clue, but part of the fun, to me, seems going about it in the dark together. where's the excitement if you're told how to do something? why not discover it yourself.

[numist]

good point, forgot to mention - set aside a few hours (at least 4), and use all of it. Theres more to sex than the act, take some time to press, prod, feel, and hold, thats really the best part...

[Johnny Rotten]

Don't feel self-conscious about not having had any sexual experience at your age. Most of what you hear from the other guys is really just empty bravado. The few who are getting it on with anything approachin a regular basis are keeping the boasting to themselves. As already mentioned, be gentle with her and have fun.

[endorphin]

gee, thanks for the quick replies.

numist, thanks for heads up on what it will be like for her.

fishstick, i'd never thought of it like that, thanks. i'm still unsure about which avenue i'll take after what you said.

i dont feel self concious about not having any experience at all, doesnt phase me in the slightest. i've had my final year of school to keep me busy enough, just so happened i came across this girl at work, and we decided to take it outside the workplace. j

[strcrssd]

From my limited experience, I'd suggest doing extensive reading in advance.

However, you will probably still not know exactly what is where on her...Ask her to help you. I think it is vitally important to open the lines of communication when you two are messing around. If you don't know what feels good to her, you aren't going to continue doing it. I found out from an ex-girlfriend of mine that apparently I used to kiss poorly, but she never brought that up when we were dating. Something similar to this could happen during your playtime. Again, open the lines of communication...."like the weather channel, constant updates." If she is not comfortable talking about it, then she probably shouldn't be doing it.

Again, I think it would be best if you do both the suggestions above. Become informed and as her to keep you informed in real-time.

[analog]

You're both new to it, who the fuck you tryin to impress, anyway? I think sex between two people for more than the lust of it, which seems to be your case, is a beautiful thing not to be cheapened by attempts to run the sexual encounter out of a how-to book.

GO SLOW. She will, in high likelihood, be sore at first. To help alleviate this, make sure you enjoy lots of foreplay beforehand. Besides, foreplay is half the fun of sex, and any decent partner wants to do what they can to stoke the fire of their lover prior to sex.

If you're doing something, and she likes it, go with that. If you're getting nothing from her or it's painful for some reason, try something else. You have what few have- a totally clean slate. You will never be able to regain this feeling of new exploration, even with another virgin- because from now on, you will no longer be a virgin, and will be influenced by what you have already done.

If she's on birth control, and has been for at least a month, make sure you both understand what happens if you have sex without a condom and it fails. Otherwise, use condoms.

Since you're new, just a few things-

1. If she's not on birth control, and you don't use a condom, YES YOU CAN GET HER PREGNANT EVEN IF YOU "PULL OUT" prior to ejaculation. Well before ejaculation is precum, and that contains enough sperm to make a baby. And, quite honestly, you probably will not have the ability to time a pull-out correctly just yet anyway.

2. Use lube, or lubricated condoms. It will save on soreness due to excessive dryness.

3. While pleasurable, anal sex is not the same as vaginal sex. Keep your dick out of there until you're at least familiar with the motions of regular sex. Example: The vagina will expand rather easily to accomodate the penis, the anus does not. It needs to be worked out slowly until there is sufficient room for penetration- this is important because if you go in too early, you risk causing severe damage to her anal tissue, etc., including bleeding.

4. How many different ways? There are shitloads of ways to position yourself, and the girl, for vaginal penetration. Some work better than others- some don't do shit, some will make her scream your name. It's your job to find them out. Doggie-style is a popular position among the ladies, give it a try. Also, let her get on top- she'll be glad you did. Look for positions here on the TFP or elsewhere for creative ideas. Not all positions are for everyone.

5. Have I applied enough lubricant? Probably not. There's almost no such thing as too much.

6. Nipples? Nipples are fun to play with, and most girls thoroughly enjoy a little sucking, licking, tweaking, etc... but play nice with them- unless she likes it rough, like your mom does. Sorry, couldn't resist. lol

7. The whole thing about foreplay... foreplay is important because it gets everyone's engines running. The more foreplay before sex, the closer to orgasm and more excited she is, and sex will be much more enjoyable and more lilely result in her having an orgasm. Only about 33% of women can orgasm from sexual intercourse alone, so think about that when you think of skipping or shortening foreplay. You will get off pretty much every time, she will not- but you should try like hell to get her to.

Alright, sorry this was long, but I had time and wanted to help. Good luck, keep is informed, and welcome to the TFP, the BEST online community there is.

[sailor]

OK, I was gonna say something, but I think Analog pretty well killed it

[gariig]

How far have you two gone already? Have you gone down on her(oral sex)? Has she given you a blow job? Just wondering how far you two have gone.

Also, your first time will probably be ahhhh quick...more like it's in, it's orgasm time. Everyone did it..just remember you'll be better on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th...

Remember the post coital cuddle...and some more making out is good, too.

Gariig

[endorphin]

whoa.. thanks for the replies, big props to analog. some really wise people on here, thanks. i shall report back with results

[World's King]

Look.

The most important thing to remember when gettin' in on with a lady friend is communication.

Talk to her... get her to talk to you. Make sure you know what's going on and let her know what your feeling. It's weird at first. You feel like you're in a porn screaming, "Fuck me, Fuck me." when all your saying is, "That feels good, Honey."

I am a big talker in anyway so I've never had a problem with it but I've been with a few girls that thought it was strange I was telling them I was feeling good. I don't understand. It shoudl be an open thing... you're naked with the person... rolling around in a puddle of come and sweat. Whispering in her ear, "Your pussy feels so good," should not be weird.

Oh well...

Good Luck.

[macmanmike6100]

foreplay, foreplay, foreplay

it's been said before and i'll say it again: sex isn't always about the sex, and for the first time, this is definitely true.

a lot of physical and emotional prep time is required for it to be exceptional, in my opinion.

be gentle, caress her body, really build it up. good luck

[JStrider]

dont do too much research on the net... go in there with at least 4 hours... more... like a whole night or whatever if you can... and just spend the whole time together learning about each other and all that... itll be great!

[31Friction]

^^ exactly

if youve never been with a girl and she's never been with a guy I'm going to go against the crowd in saying DONT read about how to do this or that blah blah blah. youll make yourself too nervous and think if it doesnt go a certin way its wrong.

Take a deep breathe, relax, go slow and explore each other. Don't rush to the finish line either. Explore all of her and allow her to do the same with you.

Have fun with it, make sure you and your partner are comfortable, be safe, and communicate. Thats all the prep you need.

[raeanna74]

Wow you guys really sound great. From a girls perspective I would say that so much of the advice from above is awesome. Time, attention, communication, and LOVE will make this a great experience. It will only get better. Enjoy her and let her enjoy you.

[Joy-Stick]

again I must restate what others have said. Listen to her! Its what I did the first time I went down on a girl and had no idea what I was doing but I somehow managed to bring her to climax just by exploring down there paying attention / listining to what she liked.

[mistered]

Don't put too much pressure on yourself ... just set aside plenty of time when you know you'll be uninterruped, relax, enjoy each other and have fun! Take her out to dinner first, have a romantic evening, and then just have fun.

[endorphin]

well.. i thought it was time to update the good folk at tfp on the situation. i hadn't forgotten the good advice i was given here.

decided against reading anything, complete blank sheet of paper so to speak. we didnt see each other til last week - things got a bit hot and heavy, but nothing much more than some semi-naked dry humping - wrong time of the month last week... i think she was more shattered than i was.

today she came around for a few hours before she had to work tonight. this led to that, that led to this, only thing was we were a bit pushed for time, only about an hour and a half, but most of that was spent getting her motor really going - she had done stuff before, but never had sex.

the best part of it was making her squirm, shake, shiver and moan - better than the actual sex. as much as it was great to receive, i thought it was even better to give. just went with her reactions to what i was doing - she couldnt put two words together coherently til after having a shower - even then she was struggling.

just a few questions though...

i walked with her to work - she said she found it really odd walking - not difficult, but had trouble doing it compared to usual.

she was also still struggling to put two words together on the walk to work and also struggling concentrating on anything. she wasnt sure if it was a good or bad thing - the last time she had a sexual encounter she didnt experience it, but she said this time was a LOT better. so im guessing a good thing?

again, thanks for all the advice.. you made me feel a lot less nervous about it, even though she was really understanding.

cheers

[mydragonfido]

Wow your first time will be just fine for you take your time relax and enjoy it! Do not feel you have to be perfect noone is. Enjoy!

[Eldaire]

Not to be too mean, but the fact that you used the word keen twice in your post may have something to do with your extreme virginitis. Anyway, dos and donts. Hrm. They make some drugs that can keep you from cumming too soon. Check some adult stores. You'll probably want to look into that (it was one of my main worries, but then, it's still a problem with me *sigh*). Be sure to learn where the clit is if you don't know... I'll not bother trying to explain in words since there are plenty of good videos on the internet to help you out and things written by girls which would be better worded I think. Once you figure that out (if you haven't already), be sure to press your lower abdomen against it as much as possible. That's a big part of what will give her pleasure. Most of all, if you know she masturbates, that's a good sign that she already knows what she needs. In that case, let her on top, cause she'll be able to pleasure herself much better than you will be able to. Don't just lay there though, move your hips to the rhythm. You'll know what the right rhythm is. Anyway, there's my two cents. Take from it what you will.

[Bloodslick]

Sounds like you had a good time, endorphin. The confusion and slight lack of coordination she was feeling are the usual results of some really, really good play. An intense sexual session can be a bit brain-addling. Nothing to worry about there.