What's the most screwed-up thing your significant other (or ex, now) has done to you?

[wry1]

I'll be blunt: I got royally fucked-over (it was too heinous to be called "screwed-over") by an ex-fiancee, and I want to see if this is just something that happens in general between two people or if I was just a truly unlucky bastard....

So post your worst and maybe....just maybe.... you'll make me feel better knowing I'm not alone in this one!

And if I find a story which tugs at my sympathies enough, I'll post my own little tale of woe.

[sbscout]

In the 21 years of marriage, we've both had our moments of being really mean to each other.... but we make up, learn from our mistakes, and move on.

Sorry your relationship didn't work out.

[skysooner]

Yes, I have been fucked over by a significant other of the time. That's kind of how I knew that they wouldn't be my SO much longer. When it is right, you don't screw each other over on stuff.

[wry1]

Okay kids, I guess I wasn't making my point.... I was hoping to hear your horror stories - or old war stories if you look at it that way.

I'm glad if you've managed to move to a better place relationship-wise, but since I'm not there yet I'm trying in my own way to do just that with this thread.

So hit me with your best (or worst) shot!

Hell, I'll start it for you:

I met an incredible woman when I started working for a company in Arizona. At first, we just chatted, but after a year or so we started going places together; nothing really "dating" about it - we didn't hold hands, we didn't kiss...I didn't want to really ruin things with a girl that I still had to see daily at work. We just had fun being out and about together.

However, things eventually changed. After some serious discussion, we moved the relationship onto a much more serious level and I started thinking long-term about her. Imagine my surprise when, after about 6 months of actual dating, she proposed to ME! After a moment of unabashed shock, I of course accepted and we began planning the happy day.

About 4 months before the wedding - after a good number of deposits were made and the rings were being crafted - this woman came to me and told me (in tears) that she was conflicted; that she still had these unresolved issues with one of her ex-boyfriends (a fella' named Luc) and that she needed to work through them before she felt she'd be ready to get married. I agreed, and we put things on hold (toning down our relationship in the process). I told her up-front that I still wished to chat with her nightly, as I felt truly involved in her life and wished to keep our non-physical intimacy at it's previous level.

Imagine my shock when, two weeks later, I get a phone call from her sister. She was calling me from Las Vegas, where the woman in question had run off with Luc to get married. I was devastated (it really goes without saying, doesn't it? But there, I said it anyway).

The phone call came on a Saturday, and I ran into my (now ex) fiancee on Monday morning. I told her I needed to speak with her (it was strange that she wasn't wearing the wedding band her sister told me about) and we arranged to meet for lunch. When lunch came around, I told her about her sister's call, and her reply to me was basically that she had (with my unwitting help) finally gotten what she was really after.....Luc. The woman completely shrugged off our entire relationship, telling me that it had been a ploy she used to finally get Luc to go through with marrying her - evidently he had proposed several times before but kept backing out.

So there, now you know.

Let's hear your worst! Come on, I DARE YOU!!!!

[sexymama]

That is a very sad story! I pray you are able to deal with it and move on soon -- this world has so many wonderful people in it, it would be sad to let her keep you from them.

My worse is that my ex-husband decided that he wanted to day trade on the stock market. (This was in the 1990's when stock was up.) He was no good at it so lost lots of money; but he told me that he was making money. He worked 3 miles from home, so got the bills every day and paid the bills. When summer came and I was off, I obviously started picking up the mail. To my horror, one charge card bill came after another. It took 4 months for him to come totally clean -- but we (he was kind enough to put the charge cards in my name too) had 11 charge cards maxed out that I didn't even know about! On top of that he had lost 100% of our savings, the kids' savings, and $10,000 of other people's money.

Can you believe I forgave him? We moved on, going to counseling to try to resolve the trust issues. At one point he talked me into supporting him trading again. He convinced me that he had "learned his lesson." In less than a week he lost 50% of the investment monies. The counselor and I confronted him about his "gambling" addiction. He stomped out of the session and took 2 weeks to choose between me and trading. He "chose" me, so he said.

A year later, I found out he was trading again -- on margin (loan) -- and loosing. That was the end of our relationship!

[Double D]

wry1, I'm only doing this because you made the request in your journal. It doesn't please me to recount this.

I married a guy that got his cookies off by beating the crap out of, and raping me.
He had already beaten me once prior to our getting married. But I had zero belief in myself, and I married him anyway.

I was beaten until bloody & bruised, at least a couple times per month, minimum. A standard reason would be that he would show up anytime between 6 p.m. and 1 a.m. and expect dinner to be piping hot--as opposed to a plate made, waiting for him in the fridge.
Another valid reason for busting my lip, bloodying my nose, and blackening my eyes, would be that I *talked back*, i.e. disagreed with him sometimes.
He often demanded sex, anytime of the day or night and would take it--whether I wanted to or not. Once when he was particularly angry he beat me, messing up my face, cracking my ribs and finishing off by raping me with a wine bottle.

Another time, he beat me until there was so much blood that when I picked up our infant son in order to flee, the baby, who was clad only in a diaper due to warm weather, was bloody from head to toe (with my blood).

I am sorry that the woman you loved used you as she did. It's enough to make one angry and bitter. Please try not to be. There are many good, decent people in the world. She just wasn't one of them. You can find a good-hearted lady. Just don't give up, or give in to pessimism.
It's worth it to get yourself back out there, and stay in the game.

[hu-man]

Ouch, Double D. That hurt to read.
I can honestly say that I haven't ever felt anything remotely as bad as that, and my own little story suddenly feels wildly insignificant. There truly are some people out there who should rethink their whole way of living and acting.

Well, here's my story.
My first real girlfriend - whom I met in college - went abroad to study for a year, a year after we started seeing each other. It was tough as hell, but we ensured each other that we were fit to go through with it, and that we would continue to keep in touch and still stick together.
In the beginning we were e-mailing and phoning each other all the time, at least one e-mail a day, and at least one phonecall a week. It was damned expensive to call. Then slowly the e-mails became scarcer, and so did the calls. Finally I was to travel there to see her, and it was the best feeling ever! I looked so much forward to everything, seeing the university and the place she lived, with a family, kissing her, touching her, having sex again! (She was - and still is - a really pretty girl with big eyes, and the best ass ever... I miss her, even though I'm in a new and great relationship now.)
And at first it was great. It felt just like the old times again, but as the days came by, she became more and more reluctant to my touch, and silent. Then she told me about this other guy from the same country as us, who were also studing at the same university as she. Apparently he had told her that he loved her, and wanted to be with her all the time... They were friends and hung out all the time, along with a couple of other girls from our country, studying at the same place. I of course got really mad, I mean, what can you do when you're hundreds of kilometers away, and another guy is etching his way into your girl's heart?
And not just any guy. This guy was a (bad!) musician, and to top it off he wore _eyeliner_ and *black* nailpolish! How can somebody like that even beGIN to think to move in on MY girl? I wanted to smack him dead in the face the next time I saw him, but I of course didn't. I played nice, and leaving somebody has never been more heart-breaking. We were still a couple, but I knew that *that* guy was right there, where I wasn't.
Later, over new years, she came home to visit. I found a cd with his (bad!) music he had given her, written on it was "I will always love you, dear". She had promised me that she didn't like him at all, and he wasn't her type at all. And now she had that inscription, like they had been in a relationship all along.
And I found out that they had. All along, while she assured me that he was nothing, nobody, she had just stood me out as there was no way for her to cancel my trip. How did I look to everybody else? Oh, there goes that guy who think's he's still her boyfriend, when we've seen her with that other guy for months.
Thank you ever so much.
However, 6 months ago or something she wrote me a letter, explaining to me how big a mistake she had made with that guy. I think it hurt her - at least a little - to know that, I in the meantime, was seeing the same girl for 2 years and going strong, had performed at several well-known concert places with my band, done some modeling, is a short step away from buying one of the most sought-after apartments in our capital (and really cheap!) and generally is having a *great* life!
I met her on the street shortly thereafter. She looked great, and so did I. I don't know why, but that morning I was just going to the bakery, but still took a bath, shaved, combed my hair, and put on my new shirt. And then met her, looking my best. She lives 5 minutes away from me, and I haven't seen her for 3 years - until the day after she decides writing me.

Where did this story go? I have no clue. Just telling my tale, feeling good. In spite of it all. And there's still heaps to come, and I'm ready.

[wry1]

One thing I'm certain exists is Karma. The Hindus have it right where that concept is concerned; what goes around really does come around!

I told my own "tale of woe", but I neglected to include the follow-up to that whole incident. For my own purposes, I'll refer to her as VB (vicious bitch).

VB - after dumping me (without telling me), getting married to Luc, and then very callously telling me how she had finally gotten what she really wanted - quit working for the company where we met and moved to Utah with her new husband. It seems her Mother had disowned her when she found out what she had been up to, her sister was barely talking to her, and Luc was opening a business there....so off she went.

I ran into VB's Mother about 9 months later. The marriage had lasted all of 6 months, VB had just moved back into town the previous month, and her Mom (bless her heart) was hoping that I'd give her daughter a call.....since I was, in her opinion, the best thing that ever happened to VB. According to "Mom", VB had - on more than one occasion - lamented doing what she had done to me, and had realized the depth of her mistake.

I did the only thing I could do: I gave "Mom" (and I still think of her as a 4th or 5th Mother of mine) a big hug.........and told her that there was no way I was willing to put myself back into that nightmare. I explained, as gently as possible, that there was too great a trust-issue where her daughter was concerned, and that the old adage is true: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

So yes, I don't knock Karma.

[Rowan]

Let me start with saying ~ I hate Valentine's Day! Have a couple of boyfriends/husband screw that day up for me.

Here's just a tale of one of the reasons why I don't like Valentines day. I was dating this guy (who I later stupidly married) and after of going out of my way to pay for a really expensive dinner, catered to his every whim and need including a BJ on the car ride to the restuarant, buying some really nasty lingere at his urging and choice, just to finish the evening with him telling my that I was ugly and totally unattractive sexually. I spent the rest of the night crying on the sofa in the living room.

And to think I went on to marry that overweight, old and balding asshole!

Yes I firmly believe in Karma, even if I have a hand in dishing it out. I am now 50lbs lighter, single, young, and have a much happier life. He on the other hand will probably never get married again, never have a family and live his life out wishing I had never left him.

[hu-man]

Hehe... great Karma-turn this thread has gotten into. People _do_ get what they deserve!

[quantumburnz]

Go Rowan! Awesome story!

Worst thing a girl has done to me... probably drop me for my BEST friend! Kinda harsh.

[tikki]

It would be entirely too hard for me to even delve into my sad bastard stories, and probably wouldn't be too theraputic either. Let's just leave it at I have had my heart ripped to shreds entirely too much for only being twenty...anything from cheating on me to wanting to date others. They all hurt. Maybe I just get too attached or something. I dunno. Sucks.

[rideough]

I got married to a younger girl last year.
She had gotten pregnant so i kinda felt a little forced into it by our families.
The fucked up part was I'd gotten a vasectomy 2 yrs. earlier.
I know you guys are thinkin" What a retard!!!" but the procedure was done in a military hospital and I was in a serious commited relationship with someone.
I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
So... we get married and 2 weeks later I have to go to New Brunswick for a month long execise.
I get back and she tells me that exact minute i come in the door that she is going to the club that night...she prefers if I not come and take into account she is 5 months pregnant.
So I lose it but she goes anyway and gets in at 5 am.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and I 'm in the middle of nowhere on another exercise when my satelite phone is goin off like nobodies business) i'm a lineman in the army so I ALWAYS have communication anywhere on the planet)
She's had the baby 8 weeks premature!!!
Major extraction of me occurs and in 3 hours I'm on my way to CHEO(sick kids hosp in Ontario) and I spend the next 6 weeks there with her and the 2LB baby.
I personally resucitate(sp?) this child 7 times!!!!!!
We finally get this kid back to our house after 6 wks of severe emotional trauma and she tells me she's slept with 5 other guys in the time we were married(3 months!) and that the baby is not mine!!!!
Now some people say you have to work the hardest in the first year of marriage but this is ridiculous!!!
I know some of the bleeding hearts are saying "well maybe with some therapy she'll be better and tyhe relationship will be stronger because of it"
FUCK THAT....I kicked that bitch out on her earwithin minutes of her telling me and the divorce is almost final after over a year!!!


so is this a bad thing that happened or did I just walk into it like a dummy???
Opinions???

[Journeyman]

Rideough: I honestly can't remember where I had been informed of this concept, but apparently in America (or maybe just a state or two), a husband who raises a son born of his wife's womb for a substantial period of time, and only later finds out that the kid is not his, will still be held legally liable for child support and such.

Canadian law may be different, but you should ask yourself two things: Do you really want this child, that you've spent so much emotion and love and actual breath of life into, to be raised alone by someone you know to be unstable... and if not, can you afford a potentially uphill custody battle?

Ps. You walked into it like a dummy, which is what marriage is SUPPOSED to be about. You'll be a fantastic husband if you find the right wife.

[mrquackers]

Mine can't compare to the others in this thread, but for the sake of contribution...

I met Horse-face at work (she wasn't known as Horse-face at that time obviously - but bitterness and an astute observation by a friend after she and I had broken up sealed that nickname for eternity). She was flirting with me almost instantly, but I either ignored it or mentally blocked it, since I wasn't eager to start a relationship with someone I worked with. Eventually, I wised up/gave in and we began seeing each other. She insisted, though, that we could never let anyone at the office know. Frustrating, but understandable - even though everyone knew anyway.

Fast forward a year. I had gotten one of my best friends from college a job at the newspaper I worked at (it was a small staff- 20 people or so). By then, Horse-face had relented a little and we had a small circle of people who "knew" we were going out. I had introduced her to this friend at a social event a few months back, so he was well aware of our relationship.

Horse-face, not too long after our one-year anniversary began to become real distant - and eventually broke up with me, giving me no reason, but sometimes "changing" her mind and coming over. Essentially, a true mind-fuck of a breakup.

What I later learned was going on was that she and my friend had started seeing each other. She, of course, had instituted the same rules with him (tell nobody at work), but again, everybody knew.

I was hurt and angry for a long, long, LONG time. And it gave me some real issues with trust on many fronts. Fortunately, so much time has passed that most details are a little fuzzy now and there's no lingering emotion - thus the rather disjointed story above. If you'd asked me 10 years ago, I could have written a novella on this topic.

[Double D]

rideough: it was a bad thing that happened and you were a dummy for feeling *a little forced into it* and acting upon those feelings by marrying her.

Even if the child had been yours, in western society, the era of shotgun weddings is long past.

As has been mentioned here, the women you married has some serious issues. I do not fault you for wanting nothing to do with her.

However, is there any way you can find it in your heart to try to ensure that the child, an innocent party that you once believed was yours, is taken care of?
Does she have a relative that would be willing to keep somewhat of an eye on this kid? You just know the child is going to be neglected at some point.
The whole story is quite sad.

Originally posted by rideough
Is is this a bad thing that happened or did I just walk into it like a dummy???
Opinions???

[StormBerlin]

These stories are just so sad and I am hoping that those of you reading who cannot contribute (like me) feel thankful for the ones we've got.

[motdakasha]

Originally posted by mrquackers
Fortunately, so much time has passed that most details are a little fuzzy now and there's no lingering emotion - thus the rather disjointed story above. If you'd asked me 10 years ago, I could have written a novella on this topic.

I could've written a novella on my evil ex-boyfriend, too. The details are becoming fuzzy now. I think it's partially because I'm actively trying to forget him. It was about 3 or so years ago, but it feels like more.

[wry1]

Okay....Let's change the topic a bit, shall we????

Oh wait - it's my thread, so I guess I can do that!

Let's make this into a Karmic revenge thread and see what happens.....

[Daddymem]

Wow that's fucked up (all of the stories).
My wife fucked me over too.
She's 30 and she had a relationship for four months with a skanky looking 18 year old. They even slept in my bed!!!!!! I'd go to work and she would go pick the shithead up (loser doesn't have a car), then they would spend the day with my son ( 2 years old)if he wasn't in daycare, or fucking if he was. She would even leave work early to be with him while I'm trying to get my son to bed so I can too because I get up at O'dark hundred. I'd get home after 12 hours of work and commute to a messy home, no supper plans, etc. I never once laid a hand on my wife if that is what you are thinking, I never will either (though I really think a nice slap would do me some good) She has had a great life; I said ok to her not going back to work full time, she goes where she wants and does what she wants (well used to...not anymore) I found out when my son tells me "mommy kissing shadow (his nickname)" I broke into her computer to find all the evidence I needed. What a fucking kick in the balls.

[guthmund]

Karmic Revenge...hmm....

I was a young lad moving up the management ladder of a local restaurant chain when a young employee caught my eye.

We talked a bit, she told me she had a boyfriend. We dated anyway, we fooled around. She tells me she's pregnant, hints that I could be daddy. She dumps boyfriend, shacks up with me. I find out few weeks later that she was further along (by about a month) in the pregnancy than she told me. She leaves goes back to previous boyfriend, who takes her back while smugly telling me that "He knew she'd make the right decision."

I find out later from other friends she's burned that she had planned this from the start. She knew that the baby couldn't possibly be mine, but knew that I'd do the right thing. She was going to dump the boyfriend; suggest marriage; wait until the baby was born; turn tail back to boyfriend and try to collect child support.

The only thing that prevented that was an offhand remark I overheard and a message I took for her from her doctor.

Karmic revenge....

I went back to there recently found out the baby was actually fathered by a third guy, who, along with his family, won custody. She's a meth head and been in and out of jail. The boyfriend is flipping burgers at McDonalds'

[SkanK0r]

Not that anyone here is to blame, but those stories with children are just too sad for words. They didn't do anything wrong - and while it seems at least half of their parents are sane (you guys), they're still going to have to deal with their shit-head mothers or fathers.

[Double D]

Originally posted by SkanK0r
those stories with children are just too sad for words.

I agree completely. When I hear of a (usually) married couple breaking up, one of the first queries I make is, *Were there any children?* Even though break-ups, married or otherwise are horrible, painful things, it's so much better when there are no kids involved.

[nicion]

I'll keep it brief... lest it become a long list.

The most fucked up thing that my ex-wife did to me was attempted murder. She stabbed me five times (upper left chest - two posterior, two anterior, one under the right arm), cut me up pretty badly.

She attempted to handcuff me to a railing prior to bringing out the knife - blessedly she did not succeed. The only lasting things from this are scars and a lack of feeling in my left hand (ain't nerve damage a bitch)...

In the long run though, the psychological abuse she carried out may have been worse...

[Double D]

Originally posted by nicion

In the long run though, the psychological abuse she carried out may have been worse...

I agree completely, the psychological damage takes longer to heal and can go much deeper than the bodily wounds.

I'm sorry you went through this. I'm glad you got out.

[analog]

I'm so sorry, double D... i will never understand why some guys think it's ok to abuse women, but until they stop, i've been trying my hardest to stop them myself.

Only thing that happened to me was my now ex-girlfriend and I had been together for 3 years long-distance and when she moved down to live with me, she told me she didn't like my personality- and we broke up. I've always considered that to be my favorite thing about myself, how outgoing and personable and stuff i am. That hurt a lot, but in retrospect it worked out well for the both of us- she's happy with her job and making good money, and we're talking again. Bes tof luck to all of you.

[Konichiwaneko]

She didn't do it to spite me, but I was really shocked and depressed when my ex told me she was pregnant with another mans baby.


I've had it all, the ex that goes for your friend but apologizes and wants you back, the ex that gets together with the local badboy, the ex that gets together with your friend you introduce to them, and the wonder ex that try to steal your friends away.

My story is a soap opera, and not a heart wrenching tale like the ones I read above me.

[mistered]

Cheated, lied, cheated, lied, cheated, lied ...

[numist]

I hold nothing but love for my ex, despite what she did. I know that it was not out of malicious intent, and for that I can forgive her.

The story has already been told, so I'm not going to repeat it.

Generally, I don't hate people so much for what they do - it is a waste of energy. If karma adds up, it will take care of itself, I have no reason, therefore to be angry or feel that I need to take action.

[raeanna74]

My first boyfriend - I met him in college when I was 18. My best friend introduced me to him there. Her boyfriend and he were good friends. So the 4 of us were always together. Her boyfriend was a loser as well. Within a week we were going steady and I'd had my first kiss (real kiss from a boyfriend not an elementary school kind). It was partly my sheltered lifestyle prior to college that made me go so fast into things. It was exciting and I had no experience with any of the dating scene. The guy was really into martial arts, RPG's, Necromancy, and Satanism too. I didn't find all that out until later. He wasn't technically a Satanist but studied it to the exclusion of every other form of belief. He became controlling quite quickly and I allowed it because it was the first I'd been away from home and I'd lived such a religiously controlled lifestyle before. It felt familiar and comfortable. He'd call me at all times of the night (we were still in a conservative school and not allowed in each other's dorms) and get upset with me if I was sleeping and not waiting for his call or if I didn't want to talk and wanted to sleep. He told me I needed to watch what I ate and not go to the dining hall so much - skip a meal or two. I was 5'5" and about 130lbs, healthy and strong not fat in the least. He told me it was just because he wanted the best for me. He taught me a lot of the martial arts that he knew - which I am thankful for. We got into the RPG's and there was a game world he'd created from scratch (something like Realms) that we played constantly. He was the Dungeon Master. We ended up going to other peoples houses and playing to all hours of the night. I was hooked on them. He began to talk about the Necromacy and Satanism about half way through the semester and gave me some books to read - the Satanic Bible and Necronamicon (sp?). Later he told me I needed to buy my own and kept checking up on me until I had them to show him. There were many times that we'd go out walking away from people and we'd be talking and walking, holding hands. If I disagreed with anything he said or didn't pay good attention he'd squeeze my hand or twist my arm around. Sometimes even take a shot at me and later say he was just trying to teach me to be aware and ready to defend myself at all times. I often had bruises on my arms or back from his grip or jabs. One time we were over at his friends apt and watching TV. We started goofing off and it ended up (It happened so fast that I don't know how really) with me on my back with my skirt open (wrap skirt) and panties off. His friend was straddling me and my boyfriend was holding my hands over my head. It was that MOMENT when my friend knocked on the door. She had a key so could come in even if they didn't get up to open it so they let me go. I grabbed my panties and dashed for the bathroom to straighten up. I never told her - I still don't understand why. I think I felt guilty about it and I don't know why. There was so much more that I cannot handle typing here. Suffice it to say he was cruel and controlling.

My parents knew something was going wrong. I had stopped calling them. When they called I was either gone or didn't talk to them, just listened. They could hear in my voice (my parents and I have talked about this lots) that something wasn't right. Eventually they came to school at the end of the semester and told me I had to come home with them. They packed up my stuff amid my tears and protestations and I had not much choice but to go with them. When I got home he would call me frequently and talk for hours. My mother says that before he called I would be happy and calm but after he called there was nothing she could say to me without me screaming at her or crying. I can see it now - never could see it then. I was depressed to the point of thinking about suicide. Hated everyone and didn't like being around people. I literally made myself sick with diarrea and vomiting whenever we went somewhere to visit people. I was so tired all the time and sick half the time. I eventually went to see the Dr and they discovered that I was severely anemic. Because of my recent history he believed that it was simply the stress, and malnutricion (I had almost quit eating). I had lost enough weight that I was only about 100lbs at 5'5" and I do not have petite bones or a petite frame (never had a broken bone). He put me on suppliments and had me coming back in a week. the verdict was if my level had not raised enough by then that he would hospitalize me. I was better and the act of actually taking care of myself helped my inner strength. About that time my parents were hosting a man who was hard of hearing and who's apt was closing so he had to find other housing. He knew of the situation with my boyfriend and answered the phone once. He talked to my boyfriend then and told him to bug off and that I was no longer interested in him. My family and I had tried to tell the him the same thing but he wouldn't listen or quit calling. I never had the strength to hang up on him. This time though the live-in made it appear to my boyfriend that I had found another man (he was 10 years my senior) and that I was truely moving on. He stopped calling and I slowly pulled my life back together. I did eventually get engaged to the deaf guy but the deaf culture was too different for me to handle all that adjustment and so we broke it off calmly.

I am thankful to him for helping me find the strength to leave my boyfriend behind emotionally. My grandmother gets much of the credit for her encouragement and love. I cannot go near RPG's I know they are addicting to me. I cannot listen to Metallica because that's all my boyfriend listened too. It causes me panic attacks when I hear it sometimes even. It was 10 years ago now and I have learned so much from the whole thing. I have encouraged other girls in difficult relationships because I now recognise the dangerously manipulative personalities easier. I have not seen or heard from him since and don't know how I'd react to facing him again. I have panicked when I thought I saw him in a crowd. I think I would be strong enough now. I think possibly I would refuse to even talk to him should he approach me. Sometimes I wish I could have that though to prove to myself that I am completely emotionally free.

Sorry so long.

[bermuDa]

I got dumped a week after my gf told me she loved me (and I reciprocated)... guess that's karma for moving too fast.

Sorry I don't have time to read everyone's posts, I'll be back later for sure

[skinbag]

Karma? I'll give you some karma.
My wife and I partied alot when we met and neither one of us wanted a relationship (we were both recently single) so we just fell in together and fucked like bunnies. This was all good in itself, but my ex gf had a boy that I raised until he was 9 months old, when I found out he wasn't mine. (Another story) So I would still go see the ex and her boy from time to time. To make a long story short, the ex threw herself at me one day, and being high and stupid, I gave in. I felt so bad that I instantly cut off contact from them both. I still miss the little guy.
So at first I don't tell my now-wife because we are just having fun and I don't expect this to be long-term. Why trouble her, right? but we grow closer and stay together. At that point I don't want to bring up old news and ruin a good thing. After 2 years we are engaged and a baby is on the way. My failure to tell her about the fling with my ex before I proposed is where I planted seeds for karmic retribution. She suspects the fling, but since she's pregnant and we are reading about formation in the womb and the chemical state of the mother, I blatantly lie in a misguided attempt at damage control. Damage control- how foolish. As if I control karma and life events. What a fool am I!
So I decide to tell her when our son is almost 2 and she has stopped asking about it. I just blurted it out as if it were already known..And she spirals into depression, gets into heroin with a mutual pothead friend, and sleeps with him for the next 8 months or so. I have a good idea things aren't right and eventually tell her I'm moving out. I ask her if she wants to clear her conscience before we part, and she spills the beans. She also promises to clean up and get back on track with our son. So I stay and all goes relatively well for 2 more years. At this point I figure we are even, but my wife and karma were not done with me yet.

She goes to a party (her habits slipped over time but I'm not her dad, right) with another mutual friend. (A woman this time.) I have to call around at 6 AM to find her or get her home. By this point I'm late for work and worried to say the least. She calls back from God knows where at 6:30 to say she's on her way. They arrive to watch the kids. (The woman's daughter was sleeping over so I could watch them while the mom's go out.) I'm feeling pretty bad, so I ask my wife if she kept her pants on. She says "Oh yeah" and I go to work. When I get home I'm cold. I can feel something's not right. After two uncomfortable days she tells me they were going at it while I was at work and the kids were in the other room. Then two more days pass and she "remembers" that she went 'round the party making out with people too. So that was more than enough in my mind and although I respect her "honesty" we decide to separate. The problem is we are dirt-ass poor and have a child. I can't bear the thought of him not having constant access to both of us, together. So we end up "separated" in the same apartment. She goes to intensive "NewStart" AODA treatment and is sober for months. Once again I consent to messing around out of desire, and now it's been months and we are still together. We suspect our son was sexually abused, so counseling becomes a part of our lives and marriage counseling begins concurrently. Now things are going well, but last weekend she went out and got seriously drunk. She gets in at 3 AM and tells me her ride ("I couldn't get the car door open, so I got a ride.") asked her for a pity-fuck. Damn! Here I am again, although she apparently didn't sleep with him. So we have had a good week since, and she has no plans to drink again.

But trust has become a foolish notion to me. I can't undo my experience and everyday I live with the fact that my wife may or may not be fooling around. This does not make fidelity easy for me either. I have been loyal to her for 8 years, and let me tell you it's HARD to stay that way given the damage our relationship has sustained. I've had enough bad karma for the rest of my whole damn life. Others here have worse stories, but they apparently didn't bring it on themselves to the extent that I have. There may be errors, but I'm not proof-reading this again. I can't.

[Mutant X]

Originally posted by Double D
wry1, I'm only doing this because you made the request in your journal. It doesn't please me to recount this.

I married a guy that got his cookies off by beating the crap out of, and raping me.
He had already beaten me once prior to our getting married. But I had zero belief in myself, and I married him anyway.

I was beaten until bloody & bruised, at least a couple times per month, minimum. A standard reason would be that he would show up anytime between 6 p.m. and 1 a.m. and expect dinner to be piping hot--as opposed to a plate made, waiting for him in the fridge.
Another valid reason for busting my lip, bloodying my nose, and blackening my eyes, would be that I *talked back*, i.e. disagreed with him sometimes.
He often demanded sex, anytime of the day or night and would take it--whether I wanted to or not. Once when he was particularly angry he beat me, messing up my face, cracking my ribs and finishing off by raping me with a wine bottle.

Another time, he beat me until there was so much blood that when I picked up our infant son in order to flee, the baby, who was clad only in a diaper due to warm weather, was bloody from head to toe (with my blood).

I am sorry that the woman you loved used you as she did. It's enough to make one angry and bitter. Please try not to be. There are many good, decent people in the world. She just wasn't one of them. You can find a good-hearted lady. Just don't give up, or give in to pessimism.
It's worth it to get yourself back out there, and stay in the game.

D, i am deeply sorry that you endured such a crime. I'm glad to see you still retain a high level of optimism. I'm glad that your here on the board with us and much better off in life. I wish you nothing but the best in life. Thank you for sharing this story with us all.

[Johnny Rotten]

Thank you to those who have shared their stories. It's a brave thing. I'll add my own to the pile.

My first serious relationship, in college. A sweet little thing, couldn't hurt a fly. We were like two peas in a pod, happy as clams. At least I was. She'd talked early on about serious relationship stuff, and almost three years in, we start looking around for an engagement ring. We also start working at the same place, and have already been living together for most of the relationship. We even work in the same department, as well as going to the same university, of course. We make friends with a young married couple, also co-workers, one of whom also works in our department. The husband is an okay guy. A little verbally harsh with his wife, but he never does or says anything that sets off any alarms in my head. I was blissfully ignorant.

It's about three weeks before Valentine's Day, when I plan to propose to her. One morning, before work, I get woken up by a phone call from the wife. She tells me that my girlfriend has cheated with her husband. Now, the night before, she'd gone over to their place on the pretense of using their printer because ours was broken. She came back at 1 AM and took a shower right as she got home. I'd called earlier and no one answered.

I get the hell out of Dodge and stayed with a my parents for a few days to clear my head. But I come back and we try to work things out. A week later she tells me she's not in love with me anymore and thinks we should separate. I had no idea how much she had drifted from me, nor how she'd been shaking her ass around at work. But the day I left permanently, she went to him and told him she was available, and they proceeded to fuck like rabid monkeys. She goes on to sleep with other guys at work. At no point does she show a significant sign of remorse, doubt, guilt, shame, etc. I go from the verge of proposing to her to this. Like flipping a switch. Her, of all people, who couldn't hurt a fly.

That kind of thing stays with you. I couldn't eat for a week. A bitter irony is that I'd gained 35 pounds over the course of the relationship, then lost it all and more on Atkins in the space of several weeks.

She told me later that she'd always thought she was a bad person and didn't deserve good things. Coming from her, it's like I'd never even known her to begin with.

Because of the job market and living with my parents in the ass-end of the suburbs, I had little social life to speak of and entered into a forced voyage of celibacy, with drama and depression along the way. I parted ways with a good friend and burned a bridge elsewhere, however justified that may have been. But I have a salaried job now, and am looking for a place in the city. Light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to be so long. I just don't talk about it much.

[Lunchbox7]

The world can be a truely fucked up place. Ive gotten heaps upset on all your behalf and it didnt even happen to me.

[Mango]

I was engaged to a girl and she was going on a trip to Europe with a friend for a month. Before going she told me that she wanted to break up with me but still awanted to get married when she got back. I argued and pleaded with her not to break up with me. She went off to Europe for her holiday and when she got back did not want to have sex with me right away. After about a month she told me she was ready to have sex again. A couple month later she told me that she had an encounter with a guy in Greece but no sex. Eventually I pried the entire story from her. She had a weekend gang bang with 4 or 5 guys in Greece. She didn't want to have sex with me until she found out if she was STD free. I walked away from her even though I still oved her.

[Jedbeck]

Mango, that is awful.

........... (i got nothing else)