Major Appliances Lead to Fondling
 

Hello, my name is _John_Smith_ and I'm a appliance-present-woman-groper.

Let me take a minute and explain my "condition."

Whenever my delectable female partner is standing in front of a major appliance--the stove/range, the microwave, the kitchen sink, the washing machine, etc.--I get this weird impulse to walk up behind them and grab a boob. It almost always involves a kiss on the neck (next to the ear is popular) and a weird comment like, "Feed me a stray cat." Most of the time it isn't even sexual... I mean, I don't necessarily want to have sex with them immediately, I just want to grab a boob. For no reason. Just to feel the weight, just because it's a perfect perky B cup, just to say it's mine, just to be like, "Hey, you've got a nice produce stand there, ma'am."

I get mixed reviews from this activity. Some partners have found this to be very endearing and arousing, others have decided that I need to take up origami or something else to occupy my annoying probing paws.

Is this normal? Do I have appliance-present-must-fondle peers at TFP?

(humor disclaimer available upon request)

hahahaha i'm not sure how much I can help you out, but I do want you to know that I am probably gonna send the details of your condition in a mass e mail to all of my guy friends. They will LOVE this.

Oh, major appliances.

For a second there, I was picturing a man (maybe balding with glasses) sitting in his living room barcalounger, and at the instance of hearing his wife start up the blender, his li'l partner would stand to salute.

I'd love to hear more details about it (even though both you and the rest of the subscribers to this thread may eventually find out this stimulation is directly rooted to your mother) and I'm real glad you decided to share; I found a new site in the process of trying to find info on your situation: Sex Category - Is It Normal?

Maybe it's not your partner's boob that you want to grab, but the refrigerator's or the stove's? Naturally, major kitchen appliances don't have boobs, so you channel your urges through the most convenient and socially accepted vessel which just happens to be standing next to one of them.

Any urges to off your father?

I get the same urge too man. I knew I wasn't alone. Only with me it happens with appliances, when they're sitting in the living room in the skirt with the slit up the leg, whilst walking along the street, while ordering coffee at the starbucks down from our house, etc etc.

But there was this one lady in particular who worked at the Trader Joes that had some really great cans on her. I finally submit to my urges and she was a bit appalled. She was so appalled she told my parents (they're on first name basis) and it's pretty much the reason I'm posting this from the mental institution of Connecticut. But when I come out she says it's alright if I visit her as long as I loose the binoculars and stop going through her mail.

:lol:

Groping. Seemingly the bane of every attached woman. Every time my wife is busy, I want to turn her around and shove my tongue in her mouth. To work towards this goal, I first grab her from behind and either cup a boob or grab other parts. She always fights. It's all fun and games unless she snaps at me, then I sulk like a child. She tried once to say WHAT IF YOU WERE BUSY AND I DID THAT?? I told her I'd do her like a wild man. There went that argument :D

Not sure about the unsuitable phrase. Seems compulsive.

I wouldn't mind if my partner did that to me, unless it was constant, because that could get annoying I suppose. I get groping urges myself, just not relating to appliances lol. I get them if they're standing there shaving in front of the mirror, or if they're totally ignoring me while looking at their computer screen, or absorbed in something...and just generally looking hot. It's fun to grab a guy by surprise. :D

I do the same thing. Not the weird phrase - that's pretty off. I think the appliances just represent a stationary target. Coincidence.

Appliances to the adult male homo sapien are the equivalent to the watering hole of the adult male lion. They congregate, we pounce.

I go for the butt, though. It's less protected. Always pick off the easiest target, learned that from Wild Kingdom.

desks, tables, and other items that my SO leans over leads to that kind of groping. I don't see it limited to major appliances.

Perhaps on a subconscious level you feel neglected when her attention is focused elsewhere and compulsively need to get her attention. Perhaps it's even a Freudian thing; like a baby grasping for a feeding.

Be sure to mix in some shoulder and back rubbing so that she gets something out of it too.

I've heard weirder, but I'll give you a B for effort.

I get this from my SO as well, especially when I am cooking naked.

Do NOT fry bacon.

I can say from experience that it's not just bacon, you shouldn't fry anything fatty or in oil while naked.

Can you include them standing on a hardwood floor?

I do it all the time and she in turn does it to me, not sure what the attraction is to do it more often when they are cooking/laundry or bending over things but it's definitely there. :thumbsup:

You haven't lived until you strip down, slam a fifth of vodka and then deep fry Twinkies in your Fry Daddy.

Danger, danger Will Robinson!

I'm a personal fan of the random wife groping. Unfortunately she isn't and after numerous elbows to the ribs i have learned to control my desires ;)

I have no desire to get my Twinkies and Fry Daddy anywhere near boiling oil.

I have the same issue, but mine extends to small appliances as well as large. The urge also ranges from women I am in a relationship with, to women I associate with, to women I know, to women I don't know. My name is BigIrishApe, and I am a boob-grab-a-holic.

You know....thinking about it, I also get that instant urge to grab airbag when a woman is doing something over say a copy machine at work, whether I like them or not there is this instant spark that is diffused just as quickly but now it's been mentioned it opened my eyes....bloody hell.