Still in Contact with your 1st?

[genuinegirly]

How many people out there are still on friendly terms with the person with whom they lost their virginity?

I started thinking about this when I was reading the recent virginity threads. it's a special, unique, passionate, and somewhat awkward experience to share with a person. It could make a solid friendship stronger, or perhaps something else.

In this thread, I'd like people to share what happened after:
Do you know where your first is?
Are you still in touch?
Do you speak reguarly?
Perhaps you did for a while and lost touch.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
I've listed two firsts because I see both as significant.

My 1st orgasm:

While I started masturbating at age 10, I didn't experience my first earth-shattering orgasm until I was 19. I was visiting D.C. with a close male friend on a break from school and we decided to explore. It was a fun, liberating experience. We're still close friends. He even came to my wedding. I definitely see our sexual experiences as a boon. The level of trust between us is unlike any other friendship.

My 1st vaginal penetration:

Somewhere between age 20 and 21 (I don't recall the exact date but it was around our birthdays). My boyfriend at the time, a close friend since age 11. We were both pretty nervous. After we broke up, we lost touch for a couple of years. We regained contact after some time and we currently interact professionally on a daily basis.

[LoganSnake]

No. My first girlfriend has tried for us to be friends for a long time. Last time was early last year, about 4 years after the break up. Nothing personal against her, but I want to keep the past in the past and therefore want nothing to do with her.

[ShaniFaye]

Nope the son of bitch is dead god rot his soul

[LordEden]

Lost it around age 16, dated for 2 years and then broke up. We hooked up twice during the next 3 years and then lost contact after she got married. I saw her about a year ago in a mexican restaurant with her new fiancee. I told her we could hang out (the guy included) and gave her my number but never heard anything from her.

[telekinetic]

Mine was a predetermined 30-day friends-with-benefits arrangement at 19, and she's still peripherally in my group of friends (on my facebook/myspace/linked-in, see her at parties occasionally). My wife has met her and has no problems with her being around, she's held my daughter, etc etc. Not going to a movie with her or anything, but she's still around, and not a source of drama.

[Baraka_Guru]

Her last contact attempt was via Facebook.

Fail.

[snowy]

Nope, and thank goodness for it; he wasn't good for my sanity.

[vanblah]

Yes. Sort of. We talk sometimes with gaps of about 4 to 5 years between conversations. The last time we talked she was on her way to becoming an OB/GYN in San Francisco ... I think.

[ItWasMe]

Oh, Hell, no! We were 16, and he turned out to be a real creep. We were from different schools, so I didn't run into him for a while after we broke up. I ran into him one night, after we broke up, at the skating rink (think 80's) He said he wanted to talk. His friends were chuckling, and I had the feeling he was spreading stories. I basically said, "Look, I've told you twice now. You-and-me is never going to happen. You're too creepy. Bug me again, and I'm turning my boyfriend loose on you." Skated over to my friends, grabbed the biggest guy by the hand, and went skating with him. And I did tell him what was up. He thought it was funny.

And that, my friends, is how you fry an ex.

[botabota]

We talk every now and then (being couple of months apart each time), just on msn, and thats all.... after we broke up (A VERY BAD ONE) it was just too weird for us to talk again. Last time I talked to her on msn she call me a "female dog" and logged off ....
i didnt take it seriously.

although we talked, it was just like .... oh hi how are you doing? Good, how are you doing you bitch? Oh im doing good too? Ok. Bye bye now, Talk to you later? Okie, talk to you later Bitch.

That just how things goes .......

p.s. .... she's in Thailand and Im in Canada

[AVoiceOfReason]

No, I've not heard from her in about 12 years, and that was a phone call. Before that, it had been the biggest part of 2 decades since I'd seen or talked to her.

I wouldn't mind chatting/emailing her sometime--we had some common friends, but I don't think we'd discuss my (not her) first time.

[Yellow Tulip]

Definitely not. I'm a firm believer in 'when it's over, it's over'. I don't think either of us had strong feelings for each other, anyway. It was years ago and he's married, now.

[lostgirl]

No, he went a bit psycho when I ended the relationship.

[Ayashe]

No we haven't spoken and I have no idea where he would be today.

[Starkizzer]

Speak to him daily, hourly even, hes my fiance.

So unless things change drastically I think I will continue to talk to him. How much he talks to me depends on his mood and what time of day it is.

[SabrinaFair]

My first and I don't exactly speak anymore. We're "Facebook friends", but we have no contact. We were friends for a long time...years, in fact...after we broke up. Now, not so much. I hate that we can't speak, since we're from the same small town and live in the same small city. I wouldn't say I'm raw about it anymore, but for a long time it bugged the hell out of me. Now I just sort of regard it as a closed chapter. I'll never forget him, and I wish him well, but I don't suppose we'll ever be in each others lives again.

[savmesom11]

My first and I had a very wide circle of friends and family that kept hooking up, marrying, impregnating each other (you get the point) so we couldn't really get away from each other. It wasn't all the time, more a run in at kids birthdays or whatever, but we always knew what was going on with each other.

Then 10 years after our break-up we got this wild idea to hook-up again.....big mistake. Now 8 years later the relationship is still referred to as; "The Cold Sore Era." Yep that bad....

Then about 3 years ago he took his own life and I was able to put all the bad stuff to bed and remember the innocence of first love.

[anti fishstick]

don't talk to my first boyfriend at all. i tried to add him on facebook to no success. he did apologize once after our relationship and while we were still talking. and i do wish him the best.. but i just don't think he's interested in being friends and wants to leave the past to the past..

don't talk to guy i technically lost my virginity to either. i have no interest in talking to him again. i do wonder how he's doing from time to time, but i see no benefit to talk with him again.

trying very hard to give my latest ex space. i consider him the person i really lost my virginity to, in a way, because my first time with him was more meaningful than my first time... AND he broke my hymen whereas the first guy did not. he spoke to me a couple days ago, which makes me think we can still eventually be friends. but right now, i definitely need my space.

[freeload]

Originally Posted by Starkizzer

Speak to him daily, hourly even, hes my fiance.

So unless things change drastically I think I will continue to talk to him. How much he talks to me depends on his mood and what time of day it is.

Nice. I just kissed my first goodnight. Still going strong for allmost 14 years. She's both my wife and my best friend - so we talk alot

[ratbastid]

I got back in contact with her recently and it was HUGE. I posted about it here... I'll see if I can find it.

Edit: Here it is.

[KirStang]

I feel like a horrible person everytime I talk to her (like i'm not good enough, like i was a terrible bf, even told me "I never was and never will be a man" last time we talked). She knows how to push my buttons and for some odd reason--seems to enjoy it?

I find it's not good for my health to talk to her, besides, she's dating who I thought was a good friend (and still is, but I guess I can feel disappointed, can't I?).

[Anormalguy]

In my mind I lost my virginity twice. I haven't spoken to or seen either person in many years, and prefer to keep it that way. Let the past stay in the past.

[noodle]

Yes. Still with him, never been with anyone else and quite happy with the situation.

[fresnelly]

A few times a year because we work and play in the same circles.

I always feel a bit awkward because I didn't really feel that strongly about her and we broke up shortly after.

But that was a long time ago and we've both moved on

[Xerxys]

Dang ShaniFaye........... glad that wasnt me!!!

Yeah, kinda sorta, like the OP said, it's awkward. I've been known to cut and cauterize all my ended relationships but I don't know why I hang onto this one!!

[Krycheck]

I'm still in contact with my first girlfriend. But we weren't sexual. I am in contact with the girl that gave me my first orgasm though.

[Grasshopper Green]

We talk daily. We've been married 9 years.

[Tully Mars]

No, she move to the Midwest shortly after my first "summer of love." We talked on the phone and wrote letters for a while. Then nothing for 25 years or so. Several months after moving down here I decided to see if I could locate her. Few e-mails and a couple phone calls and I found her. Sent her an e-mail. We traded a few e-mails and one phone call. From the info traded I found out she was married, lives near St. Louis, has five kids, husband drives long haul truck, they live in a trailer and according to her the hubby has a meth problem. From the one phone call I'd bet she does too. It was really sad. She was the sweetest, most fun loving person I knew in HS. The person I spoke with didn't even sound like her. She sounded bitter and hardened. Much of what she said didn't even make sense. I started taking longer and longer to respond to e-mails and she stopped sending them. I prefer to remember the fun loving teenage girl I knew years ago.

[genuinegirly]

Thank you, everyone for making this thread a memorable one for me. Ratbastid, that's such a beautiful account, thank you for linking it here. Tully, it's sad to watch people fall apart. Sometimes it's best to remember people at their happiest.

[World's King]

Yep... We're meeting for dinner next week. She's been one of my best friends since 7th grade.

[Hyacinthe]

Do restraining orders count?

Much like Shanifaye I hope the guys in question rot in hell.

Oh what I would give for a deserted area, a trailer (Camper van doohickey) the people in question and a blowtorch - or a few other bits and pieces after all can't have everything I want now can I?

[Meta]

We keep in touch, actually. We don't really hang out much or anything, but we are actually on pretty good terms.

[Amaras]

Originally Posted by ItWasMe

Oh, Hell, no! We were 16, and he turned out to be a real creep. We were from different schools, so I didn't run into him for a while after we broke up. I ran into him one night, after we broke up, at the skating rink (think 80's) He said he wanted to talk. His friends were chuckling, and I had the feeling he was spreading stories. I basically said, "Look, I've told you twice now. You-and-me is never going to happen. You're too creepy. Bug me again, and I'm turning my boyfriend loose on you." Skated over to my friends, grabbed the biggest guy by the hand, and went skating with him. And I did tell him what was up. He thought it was funny.

And that, my friends, is how you fry an ex.

Thank you for validating the sheer joy I got out of "escorting" many friends of mine
throughout the years, I can, and do, enjoy very platonic relationships with women.
I'm tall, decently built by nature and sports only, and loved taking out a girl I liked mostly as a friend, even if I was only to be used as a "beard", a cover for some other action.

My first, her last name, believe it or not, was Cox. I was 14 by only three months.
She was 15, plus 6 at least.
She totally introduced me to the whole thing called sex. Blew me before I even knew orgasm was an option.
Masturbation occurred within a week after that, and I was off to the races.

About Her, actually, I am curious. I have no idea.

[Daniel_]

Do you know where your first is?
Sadly yes.


Are you still in touch?

Sadly yes.

Do you speak reguarly?

I do everything I can to avoid it.

Perhaps you did for a while and lost touch.

I wish. We divorced, but have a cild in common, so have to have contact to do with care (daughter lives here and visits ex). If I could never see my ex again, I'd pay extra for it happily.

[Cross-Over]

My first lives an hour or two away. We haven't spoken regularly in 4 years or so, but we did on and off for a few years initially. After losing my virginity to her, I came to find out she was dishonest and promiscuous. I still hooked up with her sexually a few times over the years afterwards, but I never developed any attached feelings.

She has a wonderful heart for animals and is a ton of fun, but her promiscuity and corresponding lies has lead to her being involved in unhealthy relationships.

I have moved on and am in a committed relationship, but I have thought about reaching out to 'the first' so we can hang out casually from time to time as friends in group settings.

[anti fishstick]

i am curious, to cross-over and others who still have or would like to still have contact, what is the appeal? what do you get out of hanging out with them again and not keeping the past the past?

[Cross-Over]

Originally Posted by anti fishstick

i am curious, to cross-over and others who still have or would like to still have contact, what is the appeal? what do you get out of hanging out with them again and not keeping the past the past?

Good question. It is not a strong desire, and just something I have thought about in passing. As I mentioned before, she is a lot of fun. To expand on that statement, we both share common interests such as sports and the occasional binge at a speakeasy. Obviously the latter could be potentially dangerous, so thats why I mentioned hanging out in group settings. With alcohol involved, I would want to make sure we established boundaries related to it strictly being a friendship.

It is something I would talk about with my current girlfriend before hand, and I am pretty sure she wouldn't mind because she still has a platonic relationship with her first.

My first and I were never in a serious relationship and there are not any real scars remaining. On the other hand, there is a past relationship of mine that was serious and ended poorly. Though her and I still talk over the phone (long distance) and have met for dinner once, the occasional and unfortunate rehashing of those scars has made us both think about cutting off communication and not being part of each other's lives.

For me, it appears to be dependent on the degree of emotional involvement and the way the relationship ended that determines the desire to form a platonic relationship with an ex or first. In addition, the amount of work required and whether it is even possible to heal old wounds affects my motivation and desire to transition into a friendship.

[neflyte]

No, and I intend to keep it that way unless she's interested in giving things another try (which i doubt will ever happen). The breakup was messy and I did what I needed to remove her from my life as much as possible. The only communication I've had from her was two emails, on both of my last two birthdays. I didn't reply to either.

I've heard from a mutual friend that she's doing fine, as I expected. But I cannot get in contact with her again. If I do, I'll probably never "move on" enough to find someone else. Luckily she lives at least 2.5 hrs away by car and I've already physically moved once since the last time i saw her (soon to be twice).

If we were friends, I'd want a relationship again.

[curiousbear]

I am in constant touch with my first! she is my wife

[genuinegirly]

Originally Posted by anti fishstick

i am curious, to cross-over and others who still have or would like to still have contact, what is the appeal? what do you get out of hanging out with them again and not keeping the past the past?

It's easy enough to keep the past in the past when you mutually realize you make an incompatable couple.