Pregnancy Scare - Am I wrong not to be that worried?
 

Alright, so we've all had pregnancy scares, but honestly the girl in this case is a lot more concerned than I am, given the facts.

Intercourse was about a month ago. Used a condom. Condom didn't break, nor was there spillage noticed upon removing. A couple days after the sex, she had her period (normal time for her), lasting around 3-4 days.

Since then things at her job have hit the fan. She's now working around 70-80 hour weeks without getting properly paid for it, and still has at least 2 weeks before things lighten up. Add to that some pretty intense family drama, and you have one stressed-out lady.

About 2 days ago she talks to me, and lets me know that she's a couple of days late. She also said that she has felt really exhausted lately and nauseous for a couple/few days. She thinks that she is pregnant, and she wanted to let me know.

Since then, her nausea has subsided, and she's gotten some stomach cramps. This morning she said she was having really bad stomach pains (possibly gas). She's also having some pretty crazy mood swings (things like screaming at me and talking about the pregnancy like its a sure thing, to assuring me that it's fine, and she doubts she is, and so on and so forth.

She has also put off getting pregnancy tests until today. However, she is at work, so I wont find out the results until somewhat late tonight or tomorrow morning .

I'm having a hard time with this particular one, just because that, while I know it's POSSIBLE, it's just not that likely with the menstrual timing plus proper condom use. Plus with all of her stress, I'd be more surprised if her period had shown up on time! When I express these things to her, she gets pissed and claims I'm not taking it seriously enough. I fully understand that she MIGHT BE pregnant, and if that does turn out to be the case, I'm not going to abandon her, I just don't think that it's very likely with the story as it stands.

Any thoughts about this one guys?

[EDIT: Forgot to mention, she does have a heart condition, which is what I think is to blame for her nausea and exhaustion. She really isn't supposed to be under any stress at all, however life does get in the way....

Also, I'm sure the pregnancy scare isn't doing much good for her stress level, either...]

Wait for the test result.

It could be the stress. Any possibility of the father not being you?

Without going into details, I would be less surprised if the symptoms were caused by a gold brick growing in her uterus. We have a very trusting relationship (yeah, yeah. Thats what they all say, right?). If she is, then I would be the father.

You're not scoring any points by sitting back and going "Don't worry, its probably stress." Your cool attitude now won't be a consolation later when it all turns out to be nothing. Be concerned for her and help her get an answer.

An excellent point, Halx.

Don't get me wrong. I had trouble sleeping last night. She knows that I am concerned, and she also knows that I am here for her. We have had pretty lengthy discussions, in which we discussed what we would do if it turns out that she is. However, when she asked if I thought stress could cause this, I wasn't going to lie to her. She's obviously more worried about it than I am, however she is now constantly stating that she "doesn't think she is, but is going to test anyway, just so we can be positive".

Plus, im not trying to take us into "I fingered my girlfriend - is she pregnanat?!!?!?!" territory, but one of the things I was wondering about is, can she have a period in between intercourse and fertilization? Can the sperm live long enough to make it through all that? You know, medical questions that should have been covered by my HIGH SCHOOL back in the day, but just weren't.

All of this is moot (pronounced correctly also) until the results are back. I hate when people make a big deal about the pregnancy scare without actually taking a test. Boo hoo you wasted $7 on a test....get it done and be done with it!!!!!!!

It's a lot different when the thing could potentially be growing inside you. Deadbeat dads and boyfriends do exist, and ultimately if the man splits its all up to the woman to deal with it. Likewise, it means pain and associated for 9 months or more. Think how you'd feel if you had a chance of having a huge ass tumor grow in your stomach for 9 months, causing you to gain 50-80 lbs, puke like crazy, and eventually pass the tumor out your asshole.

I agree with you that it's probably nothing, but it's a bit disingenuous to compare your "worried level" with hers. She has a lot more riding on it.

As for having a period between conception and fertilization, no, I don't believe that's physically possible. If was fertilized, it would fail to implant as the vaginal wall dissolved.

Believe me - I agree. But I doubt it would go over well in court if I tied her down and made her pee on a stick. Like I said - I've been trying to get her to test since she told me, and she's the one that has refused.

Negative. It's not just a matter of living long enough, there are two other things working against pregnancy. First, the, let's say, tide is against your swimmers. And most of them don't make it anywhere when the waters are still. PH is all out of whack, etc. Sperm only last a day or two in the vagina, and her period will basically flush whatever's in there. Second, ovulation and the relatively few fertile days that bracket it happens out in the middle of the cycle somewhere, not near the beginning or end. So if you had sex with her, then she had a period within a few days, odds are very good there was nobody home for you to fertilize.

Now: We human beings love us some drama. The question you want to be asking (but not out loud!) is: what is she getting out of not taking a pregnancy test and settling this thing? Once you have that sorted out, see if you can't find a way to supply a substitute for this particular piece of drama, so she's freed up to just pee on the damn stick.

After conception periods can still happen. The mother of my would-have-been child continued to menstruate for three months after conception.

Really! Never heard of such a thing. Live and learn. Still, I think the odds are against this one.

yeah having your period while you're preggie is definitely possible RB, many many many women have this happen to them....its not common but its def not rare

Happened to my mother with both my brother and I. Therefore, I am uber-paranoid.

But yeah, the chances of conception even when all the stars are aligned is only 25% or so per instance of intercourse. Given that you used a condom and reported no problems with its usage, I doubt she's pregnant. And yes, the stress of life and the stress of thinking she might be pregnant is probably just making it worse.

Get her a test, make her take it--believe me, it's worth the peace of mind. Whenever this has happened to me, for whatever reason, that negative test always leads to my period the very next day it seems.

Changed the title of this thread to be more descriptive.

Carry on. :)
-----Added 8/8/2008 at 04 : 27 : 26-----
And, for the record, I second Hal's advice.

Don't invalidate. Just help her get through it.

A good, "We will see what the test says and take it from there," is better than a "it is probably nothing" any day.

I agree the odds are against this. This definitely seems like a very stress related thing. Just be ready for anything. The human body is full of surprises.

Thanks for all the help guys.

She has been saying that she will test every day since she told me, but she actually WILL be testing when she gets off work (in about an hour and a half - 2 hours). I'm pretty sure to be safe that we will test tonight, and also first thing in the morning. I'll let you guys know what the deal is, as soon as I know...



....could 2 hours go by ANY slower?

If you get ultrasound pictures of said bar, please post them here.

If you're interested in passing the time, I suggest reading articles about birth control. You know, to stay up on things.
Planned Parenthood Birth Control

Alright - this evening's test has come back negative. She also had a little spot of blood, which she took as a sign that her period was about to start. She's gonna take the other one in the morning if she hasn't actually started yet. All signs are currently pointing to "no". Well, at least on my end. She is just as scared as ever, thinking that the test was a false-negative.

I guess tomorrow will tell for sure.

Oh, and Will - thanks for the link! That was BRAND NEW INFORMATION! [/SARCASM].

Everyone else - thanks for the help!

Congrats, and a refresher never hurt anyone. I still read up on contraceptives myself. I only recently found out that spermicidal condoms are not demonstrated to be any more effective than non-spermicidal condoms.

Actually I read somewhere that the spermicide on them can somehow make them LESS effective (something about it eating through the latex or something? I can't really remember). So I actually did know that.

[EDIT: Found the article: http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/h...view/index.htm ]

I see people getting bent out of shape already, so I'm going to preface this by admitting I don't know you or your girlfriend other than what you've said in your post (and the reactions here are frankly weird to me). But here's what I think based on this limited knowledge:

This doesn't make any sense to me, and forgive me for being blunt, but this sounds like a situation where your girl is either:

a) feeling you out to see what your reaction might be when something really happens, or
b) desperately trying to get emotionally closer to you.

and here's why I think that.

If she's pregnant, despite the biological unlikelihood with already having a period, she's already a month pregnant. A pregnancy test would have worked a couple of weeks ago, and certainly now after a month. Why is she "promising" to test everyday. Not only is the testing everyday not necessary, neither is the promise to take it necessary. Just take the freakin test.....once please. I'm kind of surprised this never crossed anyone's mind after your description of the events, and that everyone's immediate reaction was "help her get through it".

I don't understand her reaction of "let me go tell my boyfriend that I think I'm over a month pregnant without having taken a test and despite an interim period, because I'm two days late for my next period and slightly nauseous and cranky. That sounds more pre-menstrual than anything.

Like Lasereth said.....buy her the test, that's all you need to do to help her get through it. Until she takes it and shows you the results, than your reaction of "it's probably nothing" is spot on and she's got no reason to get angry with it.

If and when this turns out to be nothing, I'd be real curious to know when the next time you have sex with this girl is. Make her happy and marry her now, or I think you've got a real stressful relationship ahead of you.
-----Added 9/8/2008 at 12 : 01 : 50-----
I missed this post. As an afterthought, all signs were pointing to "no" quite some time ago. The fact that she's gotten a negative test back and still thinking it's a false-negative, after all her pre-menstrual symtpoms which have now moved onto spotting...I don't know dude.....is anyone thinking what I'm thinking?