Kissing, Sex, and not wanting a relationship (you think)...
 

Hey guys,

So I am back on the dating scene - yeah! Good to feel like a man again. Self confidence is back and so are the hormones .. therein lies the problem!

I am seeing this one girl (lets call her 'Jane') who I find very physically attractive, and pretty mentally attractive too. One problem. I am also still interested in seeing other women, to see who/what they are all about.

Ok, so it doesn't seem too complicated yet, right?

Right - this is where the hormones come in to play. I can't stop myself from trying to seduce 'Jane' which makes me feel very awkward. I want nothing more than to have sex with her right now but I am not sure I should. The reason I am not sure that it is a good idea is sorta weird.

Ok, with the background information out of the way, here comes the good stuff ...

So I got to thinking .. I want to have sex with 'Jane' but have no real compulsion to kiss her. What the fuck is up with that?

I'd LOVE to hear input from everyone on this issue. Do you or have you felt similarly? What did you do? How fucked up does it seem? All that good stuff ;).

You're thinking with your little head. Remember all those old Warner Bros. cartoons where the male character would see a female and his eyes would bug out and steam would come out his ears and his tie would spin around? Yeah, that's you.

There's nothing wrong with this! Just make sure if you ONLY want to have sex, you make that PERFECTLY clear from the get-go. "Jane, you're hot, I wanna get in your pants, but don't call me tommorow, ok?" Make sure she's ok with these ground rules, then go to town!

It might also be because kissing is a much more intimate act than having sex - you can share so much through one simple kiss. And because you're not feeling emotionally attached to this girl, you don't feel the desire to share that intimacy, but rather just want to enjoy the physical side of things (ie, sex). Just a thought.....

For me, I know its usually time to let a girl go if I can't bring myself to kiss her. Just a thought. Of coarse, I always prefer to be in a stable relationship, than in dating status.

Perhaps the thought of kissing will bring guilt on you because kissing can be more affectionate. Fucking a girl can actually just be as simple as fucking a girl. But when you kiss, you two can know the feelings that are behind them, so to speak... I kinda know what you mean, I have felt like that with one girl I dated way back when.

If you have good morals, then be honest with her and tell her you wanna hook up but dont want to date her... (she may be ok with that) If you dont have good morals, then who gives a shit and why are you waiting???

me personally I couldnt just sleep with a girl I didnt give a shit about, tried it once and didnt feel good, I felt dirty. Good luck!

Dont kiss, just have sex, thats normal, such issues were described in yesterday's NY Times

Yeah I know what you mean, kissing implies more things to me emotionally than sexing. Because of that, girls that I only want to fuck, kisses feel like lies.

So stop lying and tell the the truth. The only reason you guys feel this way is because you have an inner conflict. Clear this up and realize that there is nothing wrong with fucking for fun or having multiple involved realationships.

Couldn't have said it better myself Sage!

Absolutely nothing wrong with this, I wish more people could be upfront. So long as everyone's clear on the rules, then no one gets hurt. If she can't play by the rules, then she shouldn't start the game. So long as you're upfront with everyone then all is good. If you see a hint of emotional attachment from anyone, cut it off quick!