Teasing Guys
 

Any of you girls like to do this? Any of you guys enjoy being teased? Personally, I´ve always found that men keep their brains in their pants and always seem more attentive and considerate when they´re desperate for sex.

When dating I don´t drop my panties for a few months. I then know whether the guy´s a jerk or not, and know that he can control himself. Plus it keeps him keen - guys always want what they can´t get.

We have a fairly healthy sex life, but it´s on my terms, when I want, how I want and where I want - which is pretty good for me! :love: I like to keep my boyfriend aroused and frustrated most of the time. We´ve been together two-and-a-half years, so I guess he likes it as well. We normally have sex twice a week.

I love getting all frisky and heavy with him - long, lingering kisses, interspersed with light pecks, whilst running my nails up and down his back and across his groin and then pretending I´ve forgotten to make an urgent ´phone call or something. He´s sometimes on his knees, literally begging for sex.

In the bedroom, I give him a ´good night kiss´, which he uses as a desperate attempt to initiate sex. I then get him all hot and bothered and go to sleep. When we do have sex, I make him squirm for an hour first, everytime he tries to get my panties off, I grab his hands and continue kissing him, he ends up almost tearing them off and we have the most passionate, electric sex.

The thing is I was chatting with a few girl friends about their relationships and I´m treated like a queen in comparison to them. Their boyfriends and husbands don´t run them baths and take them out for meals, buy them flowers. All I hear is of them farting in bed, coming home drunk, falling asleep in front of the TV and their sex lives have fizzled out or it´s a few grunts, roll over and sleep. Treat them mean, keep them keen.

If your man is willing to be teased and made to wait and so forth, why not? I say more power to ya. :thumbsup:

Personally, I'm not a fan of being teased. I'll implement some teasing of my own from time to time, but nothing to the lengths of which you've mentioned. I'm more traditional in that while there may be some teasing from either party, I'd never get her hot and then go to sleep. Hopefully, she shares my sentiment. :)

Congradulations... you're deliberately making a good relationship a bad one in my opinion.

While it may work right now for you, in my opinion in any (really) longterm relationship he's going to get sick of trying. So dont be all too surprised if finds a girl who doesn't act like she doesn't like sex.

I've never cheated before, but I had a girlfriend who was like this. I can tell you that her acting like this is what broke us up. She bragged to her friend, who told my friend (and then me)... I was so furious I left her that day.

Instead of being stingy with him, try doing things for him to make you appreciate you. Cook him dinner every once in a while (women never seem to understand how sexy that is). Try not to tell us every miniscule thing that happened to you that day, and enjoy a bit of silence (or listen when we do talk, instead of waiting for your turn). Initiate sex by waking him up in the morning with a BJ, you wont believe how sexy that is. Do things for him to make him appreciate you... dont hold out.

Imagine if you found out your BF purposely did that to you, and think of how he could convince you that it's for his own good. He couldn't, and you can't. Relationships are about your partner, not you.

Eventually he'll just stop trying with you. You'll get very upset because you will no longer feel appreciated (because you don't appreciate him). And the relationship will end.

Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that you're just trying to provoke a flamefest?

Anyway, I've met and dated a few women who believed that keeping a guy "aroused and frustrated most of the time" will have him under their thumb. If you two are happy with this arrangement then more power to you. I hope it all works out.

But, I think your guy's response says less about the efficacy of your approach and more about the type of guy who would put up with this. http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i3...im_nutkick.gif
Let's face it. Any guy who buys that whole coy act is not a "man" but a "boy."

When I date a woman I let her know (implicitly and explicitly) that life's too short to play mind/emotional games ... and that she'll always know where she stands with me. Most mature women can appreciate it and treat me likewise.

Sometimes I find myself with someone who still thinks they have to play the mindgames that folks learn in high school. I leave that situation every time and don't look back - I don't need that. Without exception they end up calling back with flirtatious overtures to provoke my interest. I let them know in no uncertain terms that I'm not interested anymore and that we're still friends.

Let's take an analagous situation from a male perspective. If I treated a girlfriend terribly in public and constantly insulted her ... she just might be the type to stay with me if she had no self-esteem. It happens all the time. Can I boast that this is how a "man" should treat a "woman?" Of course not.

It's interesting to note that your measure of success is all about what YOU get out of the relationship. If your fella has any backbone he'll realize that both himself and you are only looking after YOUR interests. Some day he'll realize that nobody is looking after his own needs ... if he then happens to meet someone caring and attentive you might find yourself getting dumped... (and then, again, maybe not).

I must say, I would not take any part of what you described.

How is that fair to him? Personally, I'd find someone else.

My gf and I are nearing the 7 month mark,and couldnt be better. Teasing is nowhere to be found other then the occasional thing here and there, which leads to the main event shortly there after.

Trust me, all you are doing is frustrating this guy. That or he has far more patience then I ever would.

As for only having sex twice a week, sorry to hear that :) At least once a day in my book, hers too. :) :)

I'm all for teasing... that actually leads up to the event within the next 24 hours or so. But using sex to get more attention or something else that you want really doesn't sit well with me. It makes me feel less, knowing that I'd have to use my body to manipulate someone into the end result of my choosing.

Treating someone "mean" to keep them "keen" is one of the most immature thought processes that I've attempted to understand in quite awhile. True and lasting relationships of any kind are founded on respect, trust, and support. If you have to manipulate someone, it's you that loses. They're not giving you what you want because they want to but because they don't want the alternative. That lessens everything for me.

Plus, the concept of "blue balls" really does cause physical pain. I read up on it and I will never purposely arouse a man with the intent of not creating or allowing an avenue for release. That's horrible. In my opinion.

FoxyLucy... what you describe sounds a lot like emotional abuse.
tell me if it's still working with the same guy in 20 years.

It'll work out really great for him when he's with a girl who actually appreciates and loves him. Meanwhile she's either alone or divorced multiple times.

Even the greatest, nicest guys with tons of self control will tire of power games. Toying with people makes them feel pretty crappy and I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay around when they're treated like a pet.

Thats the perfect sum up right there.

I think that if he has stuck around for 2.5 years then he might be use to or atleast getting comfortable with being teased. And right now, since it is a short period of time, that it's working for both of you.

Personally, I like being teased... I think its something that can be reciprocated by both partners. And there are appropriate times in which teasing can be acceptable. It could heighten and enhance a relationship but if you're doing this to him continually, then there might be a problem on your part. I think its a control problem, you want to make sure that you're in control and you use sex as your means of asserting your control.

Try making him a partner in your sex life instead of a vehicle and I bet you will find the sex even better.

Too bad we can't hear his side of this story.

I can only think of one scenario where this might be a healthy thing ... that's if the guy consciously and explicitly likes to be treated this way in a fetishistic sort of fashion. But that's not the vibe I'm getting here.

I honestly feel sorry for you. Women who need to have emotional leverage over a man only show how insecure they are with being themselves. I hope you realize that all the flowers and drawn baths done to "earn your favor" amount to only a substitute for true intimacy. So either you don't believe in the "real thing," or you're too young/naive to know the difference or you're just so jaded you've given up hope of having a trusting relationship.

Keep this up and you'll end up alone and/or physically/emotionally abused yourself. Just be careful.

Yeah. Too bad this man can't be heard ...

So you've known this guy for two-and-a-half years and you have no idea what makes him happy?






Small digression here ... in one relationship I had we eventually became comfortable enough to fart around each other and laugh ourselves to tears over it ... So don't knock farting. (not on a first date, of course)

FoxyLucy, you sound like an emotionally immature control freak. Your guy sounds like a very dependant emotional weakling. You are the rider, he is the horse. You may fit well together, but I don't think I would want anything to do with EITHER of you.
Lindy

Doesn't sound like a very well balanced relationship that's based on any sort of respect whatsoever. I wouldn't put up with that shit for any amount of time, no matter how good the sex was. I see it as completely childish behavior, and can't imagine any guy putting up with it. However, it seems to be working for you for now, and to each their own.....

To "normal" people, your relationship will sound like emotional abuse, and most of them will feel that the outlook of your relationship is bleak. If your guy really does enjoy that, more power to you guys.

I personally don't understand guys who have to buy their women everything, and have to treat them like a royal princess (I'm not referring to you here). But I've seen 2 successful relationships like this (atleast so far), so who knows?

wow! when reading this, i was wondering how in the world she got on TFP. We should have a screening process before we let them sign in. lol.
Like ask ethical questions and what not.
As for this girl, this isn't a relationship that i would like to be in. I mean i would think of her first, and she would think of me first, so we both get pleased, and if this isnt happening then you leave. (or i would.)
She is more of a Me, me me me me me type of relationship, and we know how those go.
Also this guy, we dont know how he feels, or if he even sees it.
Knowing us guys, we sometimes keep out mouth shut to please our SO, if its not to damaging to the relationship that is.
So this "mind control" that foxylucy has, isnt good in my eyes.
i would tell the guy to RUN.

Resentment poisions relationships. So do "takers". Sounds like the kind of girl I want to avoid in every aspect of my life.

Is one method of teasing: telling him that you are "save-it-for-marriage"?

Just wondering, cause if so then I shouldn't run immediately when I hear that... :D

As a woman, I don't see the healthiness of "teasing" like this for an extended period of time. It's really quite cruel (unless it's for a very short period, like others have mentioned). I really do wonder how the guy feels, and how long this relationship will last.

I sort of acted like that in a previous relationship (when I was very young, 19) because I was "saving it for marriage," and even though I didn't do it diabolically (I wanted to stay "pure,") it drove the guy crazy. He wanted to save it for marriage, too, but he also wanted to get past first base... I still regret my behavior during that time. It took a few more years of growing up before I learned a more healthy approach to sexuality.

My current boyfriend, ktspktsp, and I have been together for about the same length of time as you and your boyfriend have, and there is no way in HELL that either of us would have stuck around with the kind of dynamics in your relationship. We both have too much self-respect to tolerate anything like that between us.

Sex is not a tool for us... it's something we enjoy mutually, and we only have it when both of us are in the mood and willing to have it. If sex became some kind of controlling mechanism or bartering tool... nope, one of us would have given the other the boot for sure.

Better watch your back for the karma gods...

What you're describing isn't teasing, it's manipulating someone who is willing to be your doormat at best, or too weak to realize the shit you're putting him through at worst. I'm reminded of the time I saw a copy of Cosmo on the newsstand with a cover tagline "How to manipulate him: use this mind trick and get whatever you want!" At that point, I took the final leap and completely lost faith in the concept of the personal relationship.

I would not want to be in a relationship in which both of us did not treat each other as equals, regardless of who was in control. On the other hand, I take comfort in the fact that anyone who is willing to put up with your shit probably deserves it.

Oh don't worry, FoxyLucy .. he will find sex from a better source. Lets face it, you aren't as good as the next girl who will actually play ball ;).

I urge you, FoxyLucy, to re-read each of the statements that I have quoted above. Every single one of them desrerves to be revisited, and there is nothing that I could've conceivably added to any of them.

Harsh. But accurate. I think, anyway.
Whether you realize it...or not. Think about it.

Considering this is only one of two posts she has, and she hasn't replied back, I'm chalking this up to troll.

So I´m the Wicked Witch, then? A morality free zone? Well here´s an article from the Manchester Evening Post that I thought was rather interesting:

Well all I have to say is that I haven´t held a gone to his head or forced him to do anything. He´s free to walk out on me, any time he likes.

You do realize the article you quote doesn't defend you don't you?

I'm not sure how that article strengthens your argument, other than to say that way too many women are control freaks who use sex to gain power. The first line actually states that most women who use this technique are NOT satisfied with the results... so how does that back you up?

You're new to TFP, and we don't want to chase you away. But there is a certain ethos around here that calls for respect and healthiness in relationships, or at least, trying to get to a place of mutual happiness in a relationship. If you are happy the way you are, and if your partner is equally satisfied, then that's fine.

I am sure there are plenty of couples on the TFP (who are not posting) who actually do use sex to gain power, but they probably won't post here for whatever reason. But most people that I know (and that most TFP'ers know) with that dynamic are NOT happy in their relationships, which is exactly what your article states. Most of us who have any experience with a controlling relationship would say that your behavior is particularly unhealthy and damaging to the long-term potential of your relationship.

As harsh as we may sound, we're actually concerned about your behavior and what it's doing to your relationship. That's what most of us are concerned about; BOTH people being healthy and non-destructive/controlling within a relationship. If you feel defensive about us being concerned for your relationship, then this is not the community for you.

Well you´re probably right when you say this isn´t the place for me. I do feel a little defensive, I believe it adds spice to a relationship and well if you´ve got it flaunt it! I appreciate that you´ve all kept your criticism civil.

Nope.

I don't really know you well enough to pass that kind of judgement. For all I know, with the exception of this little foible, you're a very pleasant, well adjusted woman. Or...you could be Satans daughter. We'll see. ;)

Maybe he likes it. Again...what do I know? If so, then power to the both of you.

Just don't be surprised if he does walk out on you, if, and when, he finds some nice little loose legged little thing.
We men are primal creatures. Not much better than dogs, when you get right to it. You do know why your mother told you never to tease a dog...right?

It´s due to fatigue that women aren´t satisfied, by the way. Read it properly. :)

You do realize he'll eventually give up, and then you will be begging him for sexual attention?

Ooohhh...so....the next time Mrs. O'Rights doesn't "get hers", I can just say it's because she's too fatigued, and then I can roll over?

SCORE!!!! :lol:

Actually...I think that, at that point, I too...would be "cut off". But it ain't gonna be from no "teasing". ;)

Well, don't go running off just yet... as I said, we don't want to push you away. But what I was trying to explain is the reasoning behind all the criticism... the TFP loves to talk about sex (or at least, we used to :rolleyes: ), and we aren't the most mainstream of folks. E.g. We like to hear about how people spice up their sex lives.

However, when it appears that the "spice" might be bringing harm to a relationship, or is harmful to the person posting (we've seen some doozies)... people aren't going to mince words around here. We really just care that things are going okay for both you AND your partner. And without his input, all we can say is what we think about your side.

How about you ask your man how he feels about your teasing, and let us know what he says? At least then we'll sorta have some insight into his side. :)

A little bit of teasing, flirting, verbal sexual back and forth is normal and healthy. I've never been much good at that sort of thing myself, but it's cool with me.

Domination and submission games are also cool so long as it's something that both partners are consciously aware of and willing partners in. My wife and I engage in such as sex play on a regular basis. It's something we both enjoy quite a bit and involves quite often activites that, if I were not a willing and enthusiastic participant, would constitute emotional and physical abuse.

There are a myriad of other differences that I could go into, but the key here is equal participation, consent, and regard for the other person's feelings and needs. He may be accepting the treatment, but that doesn't mean that he's getting his needs met in a substantial way, and you certainly don't seem to be treating him this way because you think it's what he wants and needs from the relationship. Instead, you seem to be relishing the power you're excercising without regard to your partner.

In the long run, it's unlikely to be a healthy relationship for either of you.

Gilda

Tell him exactly what you wrote, or better yet let him read this thread. With him in the dark he may simply think you're not very sexual, when in reality you're self-centered. If your justification of he's ok with it is to work, he must actually know that you are doing this purposefully.

that guy aint gonna be sticking around for much longer.....especially if someone shows him more attention and is willing to give it up easier

You know, I treat my dog better than that! Teasing and torture are a fine line sometimes.

When his dog is in heat, rockogre doesn't fuck around. He puts out!

Just kidding! *salute*

Some guys use love instead of sex as a tool for emotional manipulation. Nobody would argue that this isn't abuse. You're doing the same, it seems.

Just because their girlfriends might submit to being "strung along" by the abuse of "love" it doesn't make that a healthy relationship either.

Count your blessings that your guy is a wuss.

Any normal guy would have dumped you two years ago.

Of course, if he truly likes it, then more power to you.

My girflriend tried this in an effort to cover up her fluctuating issues with desire and guilt for a while. I told her that it was cute and fun if done now and then, or when used as part of foreplay now and then, but that toying me along like she was wasn't helping our sex life any and just made me feel like I was completely inept at the art of seduction.

We talk more openly about sex now, she doesn't screw with me head, and we currently have a pretty good relationship.

I mean think about if he gave you the "goodnight kiss" you described and then he just rolled over, you have to admit that would make you feel pretty crappy.

Sexual frustration can kill a relationship, too.

I had an ex-gf who was a lingerie model (no kidding) before she met me. She was both elegant and sexy and we laughed a lot together. Sex was fantastic. But somewhere along the way our sexual "barometers" got out of synch. It seemed that she was most in the mood when we were fighting ... and rarely in the mood when we were at peace. On the other hand, if I was pissed-off, then sex was the last thing on my mind. And I wanted to be sexual when things were great but she turned me down at those times.

She needed "drama" in the house to arouse her sexual tension. But, unfortunately, we were together while I was in my medical residency. And after a day working in the Emergency Department or Intensive Care where I dealt with pain, suffering and death all day the last thing I needed at home was "drama." In the end she was always provoking me to argue with her on purpose. I feel sorry that she had to deal with me as an emotionally fatigued guy in my residency. I broke up with her because I nearly had a meltdown between the stress of work and the fighting at home.

When I finished my residency and was working steadily (in a less stressful setting) we tried to get back together. This time she didn't feel like provoking drama because I was myself again. But, I then discovered, that when we got together in bed, I discovered I had been psychologically conditioned to expect disappointment and I just didn't feel very "sexual" with her anymore. It's as if getting in bed to her only reminded me of all the things we used to fight about. It's really awful to admit because she was a complete knockout and we shared so much. It's like we forgave each other in our hearts and minds ... but the libido didn't forget.

We broke up for good. But we're still friends.

Foxy, this is so good. N' my favorite song came on as I am reading this. I've got a simle on my face as I write this. I've known so many guys who'll fall for you and stay with you, Foxy. I think that's why there is this responce to your thread...it's like girls saying how they hate jerks while sleeping with them. You are such a little alpha girl.

I am trying to visualize those moments. Feels so fuckin' good. Yah...we are such jerks, but what happens when two jerks meet? ;)

Answer: Nobody really cares.

Months and months of agonizing, exhausting, stressful power games. The relationship will move at a snail's pace because both of you will be looking to gain the upper hand at every intersection. There will be little to no intimacy or love because neither of you will let your guard down. It'll drag on for what seems like forever because you don't want to be the one that gives up; but eventually someone will just walk away and be done with it.

Yo foxy, if this is what makes you truly happy, i'm not going to argue. Your relationship may or may not fail, it depends on the length and elasticity of your leash- and I can see you've got firm control over your relationship. The thing is, I doubt you've ever really communicated with your boyfriend; if you had the relationship would either have ended or you'd be on more even terms with him.

I'd like to ask if you've ever been curious about who he really is, his likes and dislikes, his secrets, his dreams and aspirations. Have you two ever really sat down and talked about what's important to you and him?

wow... this whole discussion has made me realize how f**ked I must be if I like being teased. Personally... I can see FoxyLadys side of the arguement. I think he's playing more of a part in this than initially indicated because obviously he's doing something that is reciprocating this.

But I would agree that this is more about power than anything.

Top. Dominate. That's you, Foxy.

All others take note: This, right here, is the portrait of a Dominate, in sub/Dom relationships. The immense teasing, the built-up anticipation to the boiling point, the ultimate control over the intimacy... this is a Dominate. She's not insane or abusive, or any of the other things you're calling her... she's a Dom. That's the lifestyle, that's the way of thinking, feeling, and acting with your lover.

To Foxy: If you don't already know it, I officially declare you to be a Dominate. It seems, at least for the moment, that you found someone to be your sub. Good job. :)

looks like Shanifaye has some competition on here now!

Just callin' it like I see it. :) lol

I think the difference between her being a Dom and being a bitch is whether he is aware that these games are being played.

Thanks for saying it before I did, Toaster126.

There's a vast difference between D/S and an abusive relationship. Relationships rooted in D/S exist between mutually consenting adults. A long term relationship of this sort is actually a very intimate thing because of the degree of trust involved between the partners.

analong, if you don't understand D/S please don't abuse the terminology.

It´s a simple rule, the more you tease a guy, the more desperate he becomes - sounds obvious, but you´re thinking about a single encounter. The thing I´ve found is patient guys will last a month, believing I´m going to drop my panties...one month becomes two...two becomes three, and then he´s hooked. :love:

At each stage in between he could end it, but he doesn´t because (i) he thinks sex is just around the corner and (ii) he´s invested so much time, effort and money - I have expensive tastes! lol

I suppose any guy who didn´t have submissive tendencies would end it before it´s a relationship, and a few have. But they´re not the sort of guys I want, anyway. It´s kind of like a screening process.

I look at it like, this. If he´s just going out with me for sex, he´s a bastard. If he´s not, then he obviously sees something in me worth staying for. It is partly a power thing, guys will do pretty much anything for sex, so if I keep him aroused and frustrated he´s putty in my hands. I get a guy who´ll worship the ground I work on, treat me like a princess and have the most passionate sex of any of my friends - though he has to wear delay cream! ;)

Really?

I loved to be teased a little, but every stick has it breaking point. I think after a month, unless I was making some real progress I would start to loose interest and move on. I love sex and if Im not getting I going some where else to find it.

Dangling sex to get personal stuff like money is just plain wrong. You must be really good at what you do for guys not to see right through that, or you find complete idiots to date you.

Or he'll find someone more available, and with the added expense of someone on the side, you might be begging him for money.

Used to be in a relationship like this, well.. Almost like this anyway.

Started out just fine, relationship developed nicely making progress and bonding both emotionally and physically. Sex was awesome and everything seemed to be going just great.
We moved in to an apartment together, really seeing a future with each other. Things were just fine until at about 6 months after we moved in she started the routine you play along. All of a sudden the sex became less, teasing was a daily occurrence leaving me frustrated and down. She was obviously power tripping on it, trying it out for kicks at first and then got high on the power she thought she had over me.
I was almost at the breaking point of throwing her out on the street (apartment was in my name and where I live I could do this and expect to have my side of it given a fair trial if she decided to take legal actions).

Let me tell you, it was painful like nothing else, (most guys think they have experienced blue balls but give it at about a month of getting teased to the breaking point and not getting any release and you enter a whole new dimension of pain few men have experienced) it hurt both physically and emotionally, it was a deep rooted feeling of being humiliated and abused that no man, not even a true submissive would stand for without a safeword. Problem was, it started out so good and nicely, up until she started that bullshi* it was a match like I had never experienced before. I loved her and was more than reluctant to just kick her out.
I tried talking to her about it, she of course blew me off, totally lost in her power tripp and totally disregarding my feelings.

I made a final reach out to this wonderful community and they reassured me, talking was the only answer. First get her down from her power tripp then set an ultimatum. It was the only way anything of any substance could actually be saved from train wreck she caused.

I'm not going to go into the gory details about what I did to break through to her as I was forced to use a leverage on her that still remains private but practically I blackmailed her out of her high.


After reading this.. You know there are actually two very ugly words to describe a woman who does these things (to the letter of you description).
I have yet to hear a happy ending for a woman who fits either description.



1) Why does that make him a bastard? What's so wrong with wanting sex? It's obviously okay for you to want sex but why does he automagically turn into a Bastard if he wants it?

2) Correction, boy with serious self esteem issues, no true submissive man would stand for that kind of treatment without having a safeword or a way to "blow of the steam" (or.. maybe your guy already have.. stringing you along hoping you will come to your senses while having a little "outlet" on the side) A submissive isn't a doormat, he/she is still a human being..

If i was making out with some chick and she got up in the middle of it to "make an important phone call" that she had "forgotten" about, I would probably walk right there. Not because I date only for sex, but because I would see her for the bullshit games she was playing.

The thing is, I'm not gonna judge anyone for the sexual games / fetish they might have, but I don't really get that feeling from you. From what you have posted, it sounds more like you are into it for the manipulation / power trip and I just don't see how that can be healthy.

You have said in your posts that he's into it for a lot of money because "you have expensive tastes", and that you keep him on a string because he thinks that "sex is right around the corner". So, in other words, you are using the false promise of sex to get you a sugar daddy that takes you nice places and buys you expensive things. And finally, to add insult to injury, you are proud of all this. Proud that you have managed to fool this guy into thinking you really care about him. You have not once in this thread said that you love him... all you care about is that you get "a guy that worships the ground you walk on" and that he "treat you like a princess".

You may be Alpha, but I don't think you are dominate. I think you are an 18 year old chick with a smoking hot body that enjoys using it to control men. You say that all men are interested in is sex... well guess what honey... I'm a man, and that ain't true at all. Some of us are actually interest in intimacy. You should try to find one that is.

If and it's a big if, your mind games are consentual, then have at it. Get a strap on and go to town. It's quite fun ;)

"Time is On My Side" starts playing as I read this...
...with all the facination of watching a carwreck in slow motion.

Now we know what kind of men fall for Foxy. But what kind of men does Foxy fall for?

Not cool. Not because you are teasing, but because you are stating that this is to weed between the jerks and nice guys. But you are begining the relationship by manipulating him for months at a time. I think you should just be honest; say you arn't ready and that you want to take it slow. That would help you "get rid of the jerks". Although, I don't think all jerks are the ones who are initially sexually attracted to you? There are tonnes of assholes and tonnes of guys that arn't assholes.

I don't know. Just sounds too much like a game to me. And I'm not a fan of games.

I'm 50 and my sweetie is 48. I'm so done with playing games.
The fatigue thing happens with younger women because of longer work hours or children, etc. Older women have less child rearing to do and probably work fewer hours at more money per hour. Saving energy for sex is sort of like having dinner and saving room for dessert. Something you learn.
I work in Toronto monday to thursday so am away 3 nights per week. My sweetie loves sex as much as I and may even tell me when she couldn't wait and had to play with herself. Or maybe she'll just leave the toys for me to wash when I get home.
Withholding sex for power reasons seems to me to be a sign of unsatisfactory sex. If it was really good, there would be two in the couple doing "pretty much anything for sex".
My two cents.

I think the word you are looking for is what in D/s and BDsM circles is called a Predator. Someone who is willing to abuse, take advantage of and manipulate a submissive (or an unfortunate somone with low selfesteem) for their own pleasures and in a warped, almost psychotic break, kind of way rationalizes that if they guy stays he actually likes it.

Not a Dominant, there is not Dominant letter in anything yet written by our dear FoxyLucy.

Very good post Dane! High five to that.

Lets not jump to conclusions though. I've done it earlier and realized I was projecting a persona on her...damn interweb. I thought Foxy was a ClubSnack in the making. I am not sure she is now...infact I think there are some shocking details here which we don't know about!

Good point Cervantes. I'm not really hip to the D/s BDsM terminology, but that is exactly what I was getting at.

Mantus, you are completely right. I'm jumping to conclusions, and I'm being very opnionated about them. Her attitudes do get me a bit peeved. She hasn't come out and said anyting that would indicate she is a FemDom, so we can only assume...

Lucy, very early on in this post you got defensive and said that perhaps you dont' belong her because the TFP is not as morally open as it claims to be. Belive me, this place is very open minded. What people here don't like is abusive, disfunctional relationships.

Of course you are free to do whatever you want. Just don't expect people to agree or support you in it.

Not for me?! Collectively, you are sanctimony incarnated! To be honest, I´m not sure why I´m even bothering trying to justify myself to you.

I´m partaking in a consensual relationship with an adult, university educated man. What I´m doing is not illegal, and he can walk away any time he likes - hence, consensual. Women have for centuries been lackeys to men. Quiet, subserviant creatures, who wash and clean and bring up the kids, often in physically abusive relationships from which they had no escape.

Now, the boot´s on the other foot. I´m a 21st century girl. A professional (don´t start with the ´pro´ jibes - though to be fait you´re pretty civil in your criticism), an independent woman. If I use sex as leverage to get what I want and my guy doesn´t have a problem with that...why should you? :confused:

I doubt your definition of consensual.

Have you had a conversation with him when he has said... it is okay to treat me in this way? If not, then it's not consensual. Mearly stating that he has the right to leave you whenever he chooses does not make it concensual. That's like saying it's okay for me to beat my wife because "she can leave whenever she wants to"... so that means she thinks it's okay.

And, yes... thanks for saying that we (or maybe just me) are being a bit sanctimonious yet civil. My point is not to start a flame war, but to express my opinion of what you have posted. You can take it or leave it... but it is still my opinion and I am intitled to it. Me... for one would dump you on your ass. But that's just me ;)

I have to admit, after reading this post I HAD to register, to reply to this. I think I might stay now that I see how interesting things are in here.

As far as Foxy Lady, you say that the relationship is consenting? Then I ask this. Have you actually told HIM the things you have stated here? That you intentionally tease him and string him along for sex? Have you told him the way in which you treat him is intentional?

And as far as guys wanting sex all the time, this is FAR from the truth. I have been with my wife for 9 years now, and we have a healthy sexual relationship. We arent perfect, and have our slow times and fast times, we have the times where we don't have it as often, and then other times where it is 3 or 4 times a day, or a single 4 hour marathon. We tease, we play, we do all manner of things, but after showing her this, she herself said that it seems cruel to her. Now if he seems to enjoy it, and you two are comfortable in the relationship, then more power to you both! And we hope you continue to enjoy your relationship, but from the sound of your posts, he doesn't really know that you are using this "play" to get things from him. NOBODY, man or woman should use their partner for ANY kind of gain, monetary OR emotional. It should be an even, and HEALTHY match of enjoyment and love.


OK, Now I step off my soapbox! :thumbsup:
:icare:

First of all, welcome Deltona Couple.

To the point, this is what I think is most important, you have to tell him this is what you're doing. You can beat him over the head with a railroad tie for all I care, as long as he consents to it. If he doesn't, it's just cruel.

And thinking that "he stays because he likes it" is faulty logic. He may like you a lot, he may even love you, but if you mistreat someone enough, they'll grow to resent you and you'll break up thinking that it's all his fault because he couldn't keep it in his pants. In reality, it's your's because you couldn't just talk to him. Honesty goes a long way in a relationship. Try it, you'd be surprised. You'll also find out immediately if he is a "jerk," as you put it, because he won't want to wait.

So in a nutshell, I´m a selfish, manipulative bitch! Don´t worry, my words, not yours.

Well, yes, I suppose I am. So? Women possess something men want, something men need, and I´m clever enough to expolit it.

Only because you found a sucker.

You say you're selfish and manipulative, yet you see nothing wrong with that? How about trying to be a good person? Why don't you try telling him everything that you've told us and see how he reacts?

In any case, despite what people may think about your dating ethics, you should stick around and see what else there is on the TFP.

Just a question for our esteemed female members. Who amongst the rest of you ladies would actually want a man that would be this...........what ever he is?

And, I can't imagine that this is any competetion for Shanifaye since I can't believe that she would be cruel!

And, why, of all the threads on here, do I keep posting in this one??? (Help me, I'm giving a shit and I can't stop)!

Because, I´m totally addictive...lover. :icare: ;)

OMG you guys c'mon now...

Look at the facts here. This is the first thread Foxy's been in. She is cleally excited and set on the idea, she probably just discovered this power and wants to play. Look at her logic: screening for men who want more then sex by denying sex so that only the most desperate stay. Look at her justification: the shoe is on the other foot.

We have a novela worth of deep-well-felt-replies that are falling on deff ears. Now people are getting bitter cuz she is not listening to them...

I was hoping to have some fun here but thats not going to happen. Ah well...just a thought.

It's sadly so codependent to attempt to use this form of control as a means to an end not even slightly resembling the event...in other words this person is attempting to fill a void that can't be filled, assuage a need that will never be satisfied...using a sexual promise as bait, it's so very self centered that I agree that these responses are fallin on deaf eyes...if there is any attemp at continued reading at all...

So, I'm feeling as if you're becoming overtly cocky. Like you want to flaunt this to everyone as its "look at what you can do." Personally, I find it a really disrespectful thing to do. I also feel that guys do the same thing, they flaunt their power in front of someone like its something they own. Which basically you're treating him like a piece of meat, kind of like how guys are said to do. Funny how the street works both ways?

Anyways... I highly disagree with how you're flaunting this. Along with that... I would give your guy a swift kick in the ass to wake him up. Only my opinion.

Yeah, after reading through all of this, I'm thinking she's just showing off what she thinks she is capable of. In my mind, abusing that kind of power is wrong, very wrong, and I think perhaps someone here needs to seek counseling for her control issues.

So nothing. You can be a selfish, manipulative bitch all you want. Just don't be suprised or offended when people call you on it. Some people are gonna love ya for it, some will vilify you for it.

Hey... and guess what, you are certainly not the first woman in the history of the world to use her "assets" to manipulate men. You probably just shouldn't let the world know how much pleasure you take in it.

What kind of fun do you want to have? Start the ball rolling and we shall see who picks it up ;)

Either that or the origional label of troll wasn't that far off, eh?

I don't have a vagina, but the lack of one doesn't make this harder to understand. Loads of people would be very happy living out their entire lives with someone attached to them like that, male or female.

I have to wonder one thing: Just how much does HE get out of this relationship? You brag about how much you get out of him, but what do you give in return? How much do you talk about what you both want out of this relationship, and how far do you go to keep him happy? (And I'm not just talking about between the sheets.) I get a disturbing feeling that you're less interested in him than you are in proving that women are now "equal". To you, is your guy actually DESIRED, or just DESIRABLE?

And I'd have to echo the sentiments of those posters who wonder what your guy would think if he read this thread.

Kind of sad, isn't it?

I have to say that by you saying that you are taking something men "need" and "exploiting" it, is morally wrong by any reasonable standpoint. NOBODY has the right to exploit ANYBODY for any reason, period. and to try to justify it by saying:

just doesn't justify it. Men should have never done it before, and even in the situation that they did, it doesn't give you, or any other women the right to do it themselves.

Now before I get lambasted for being "one of those guys"; here is my defense in your statement: When I divorced my ex-wife for her lack of contributing to the family (she never spent any time with the family, always just wanting to sit around and watch TV, etc) I left and took BOTH of my daughters who were 2 and 5 years old. THEN proceeded to raise them MYSELF for the next several years, while working, and attending college. Durring all this I STILL took my personal time and spent it with my girls, instead of going out and trying to have my own time.

The point we here at TFP are making is this man knows nothing about it. He knows only the lack of sex, thinking his woman is simply not very sexual.

If Foxy was to inform him (let him read this thread), then she would be in a consenting relationship. Until then it is simply fraud or coersion.

Interesting the other words that come up with it in the dictionary... huh?

Let's see...Cleopatra immediately springs to mind...

If both parties are happy about it, I wouldn't say it's "sad". I do think it would be "wasted potential" though.

There is a reason the word Tease has a negative connotation in most cases.. it's a useless waste of time. Life is too short to play that kind of games..

That´s a spurious argument. Why? Firstly, I don´t use intimidation to get my way. Secondly, we have no children. There´s no reason why he must stay - it´s often not been viable for a women to leave, due to financial constraints, fear of physical reprisals, uprooting children, the shame of seperation (admitting one´s husband is violent and abusive), family pressure, etc. Finally, as I said, I´m not breaking the law - yet you use a criminal activity (domestic violence) as an analogy.

Shame on you! ;)

i'm afraid once again, you are not taking his feelings into consideration. perhaps he has absolutely no self esteem. perhaps he is so co-dependant that he cannot bear to be alone. perhaps he is one of those people that are not happy unless they are miserable. all of these things could contribute to him not leaving you. again, just because he doesn't leave you doesn't mean he enjoys it.

never once in this entire discussion have you ever said that yes you have discussed this with him and he is okay with it. therefore it is not, cannot be, consensual. by the very dictionary definition of the word, it is not consensual. period.

but, since you don't like the domestic violence analogy, then take out the violent aspect. think about all the disfunctional relationships that you know. all the people in your life that hate the people they are with. why are they still with them?

sorry, foxylucy... i don't think i'm the one being shamed here.

last post is correct... it's on its way to being consensual but until you've sat down and let him know you're doing it on purpose and using it as a tool, it takes a fork in the road and becomes MANIPULATIVE. have you been manipulated professionally or romantically? did you enjoy how you felt when it dawned on you that it was occuring? and one more question... if you are in a relationship with someone you care about, how can you do that to them and feel good about it?

Three words: choice and consequences. By choosing to stay he´s evidently decided that the current situation is preferable to the alternative(s).

There´s no written contract, I haven´t promised to behave in a particular way, though the fact I have behaved as I have, and consistently, surely demonstrates that this is who I am and therefore provides him with expectations of the future.

I think it´s very arrogant and presumptious of many of you to think that he´s unhappy or that he´s unable to make decisions for himself...

I don't post here often anymore, just like to browse....but this just reeks of a troll thread.

if this situation is truly taking place, i hope the guy realizes what is happening and walks before his wallet is sucked dry by her "expensive tastes". As she has said many times he is free to walk anytime.....that sentence just tickles me of someone who does not care about him and just his money.

Anyone thinking about if this guy is just a newbie when it comes to women? what happens if he is and this is how he thinks the world works? what happens in his next relationships if so? I doubt this guy knows what is going on, I feel bad for him.

Final thought...

You're right. If you have consistently behaved this way, then he has nothing to expect then what you have already shown.

No one has said that they thought he was unhappy. We only suggest that if he knew what you are doing... intentionally doing... then he might not be to happy about it or you. There is a bit of a difference there.

Last one...

You are so right, again. I am gonna choose to not reply to this thread anymore. It has degenerated and can no longer be constituted as a discussion.

What is a `troll´ exactly? It´s popped up too many times in this thread, now. I can assure you if you saw me you´d not think me a troll.

I thought this was a forum for the sexully liberated, where one can openly discuss sex and realtionships. All I have been met with is judgemental, sanctimonious condemnation.

Well I have had enough tonight...I´m off to finish my wine, plus I´ve forgotten what I was going to say... :p

Troll:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll#In_Internet_Forums
Or more loosely interpreted somone who intentionally posts a controversial and inflamatory subject with the sole purpose of pissing people off.


And yes this is a forum for sexually liberated discussions, liberated from inhibitions, shame, cultural norms and abuse. See, the problem with your relationship as you have thus far described it is that it falls under the abuse category. Emotional abuse to be more specific. Tossed in with a healthy dose of shameless denial.

What really makes people think you are a troll is that there is an utter lack of remorese and objectivity in your posts, not once have you shown that you actually thought of his feelings in the situation you put him in, you brush them away as unimportant. All we read is the "He's free to walk any time he wants" mantra you keep repeating. But like you said before, he has a lot invested, emotionally AND finacially. You have him "hooked". Is he really free to walk?

I like teasing. It makes life more fun.

Foxy, just one question: If you're all square with him knowing the cards, why not let him read this thread? You're not afraid of him reading what you posted, obviously, since he already knows the rules... so I don't see why he can't read this thread and let us know what he thinks?

I'd respect this whole discussion a lot more if I had one inkling of what's going on in his head, without you as an interpreter.

Thank you for posting this, Cervantes. You summed up how I feel about this entire thread.

Bingo! well put.

Guys, lets calm down. We can't change a persons mind by attacking them. She is not a troll. Foxy is new to this and hasnt seen all the problems which may come up. We are trying to give her a view of her man's perspective when indeed we know nothing about him.

If you guys feel that Foxy needs guidance then I think we should do it the correct way by allowing her to see possitive benefits of playing the relationship game in other ways.


So.....

Foxy, I think it's awsome that you have found these skills to control men. They are going to be a huge asset to you in your life. However, as you will notice soon, they won't land you quality men.

A man who stays with you out of choice rather then because he has no other options; a man who is strong enough to lead and make you feel comfortable with it; and a man who knows what he wants and takes initiative to get it. Those men are going to bypass, if not be repulsed by your screening process.

Now I am not sure if you understand or know what you want at this point in your life. Play around with your boys for now and see what happens. See what they can give you and what they can't.

I found this to be a bit shocking myself.

Using sex as a source of control is unhealthy in my opinion. The reason why you're gentlemen treats you so well i would suspect is not because of lack of sex or the control of it, but rather because you just happen to have a nice guy who's putting up with alot potentially because he may have low self esteem.

Another thing i would like to ask is:

Do you feel you have nothing else to offer the relationship than Sex?

It would appear as though you think so lowly of yourself that you think sex is the only thing that is keeping your guy treating you nicely. Perhaps the sex has nothing to do with it and he just surprisingly likes you for you and it has nothing to do with the control of sex.

on a side note:
Don't you WANT to have sex more often? What do you personally get out of the control of it? other than obvious potential ego boosts.

I also want to note that this IS an accepting community, it's just if someone sees something they disagree with, they are going to say so. We're a very honest forum and people say how they feel one way or another and it's by no means to make you feel less welcome on here :icare: It's just, if you put something up on a forum, people are going to give their comments.

:)

thanks,

sweetpea

Well then I´m not a troll, as I wasn´t intentionally trying to piss people off, though, I have obviously succeeded in doing so. Probably, I imagine because some of you are misogynist geeks who have never experienced a real woman!

I´m too drink to repky properly but this obviously isn´t the place for me. I ythink most of you are nice folk, just don´t give me your crap - I imagine most of your girlfriends and wives control you and you all beg for sex! :icare:

Thanks. :love:

you can imagine that if you want... you can also imagine that your bf likes being treated this way, or that he deserves the wrath of all the mistreated women of history, or anything else that makes you feel better about what you are doing...

but if 3 pages of people quickly pop up on a thread like this telling you that you need to look at yourself and what you are doing you might want to do that instead of dismissing all of us and imagining things.... imagining takes a fork in the road to denial.

Says the insecure, immature manipulator who has never.. and will never experience a real man for more than a few weeks.