Dry Spells...or: Regaining the Mojo - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

kalashnikov · 04-24-2006, 09:09 PM

So I am currently a college senior (only a few more weeks to go!) I had a girlfriend the first year and half of sophomore year, and we had a great sex life (even past officially breaking up - though not into junior year at all.) Since then I have not had any long relationships. There were hook-ups now and then, and a couple short (a few weeks tops) relationships. None that had that great of sex.
The problem started a few hook-ups ago. About two months ago I was with one girl, and I couldn't get it up. A second time I did, but not easily, and the sex wasn't great. However, in retrospect I really was not attracted to her as much as just horny. I mean, she even chewed gum in bed. That just isn't hot.
A few weeks ago I met a girl at a party, and I was really attracted to her, and we went back to my place and I couldn't get it up (I blamed it on the alcohol, though that wasn't the case). She stayed the night and it worked in the morning.
About a week ago I invited a girl over to smoke, and one thing (obviously) led to another, and again, nothing the first time, and barely the second. However, unlike with any of the other girls, we talked about it a bit. I was starting to get pretty nervous: can you lose it all at age 22? masturbation has never been a problem.
I decided to see her again on Friday, had a drink or two before she came over and layed down with some music (because I was definately nervous), she got there, we got high, and proceeded to have fantastic sex about 6 times that night and the next morning (even with stopping to go to her place, which has a bigger bed)!!

So a) I am greatly relieved to see that not only does it all still work, but it can work great! (I have never so much sex in one night! Nor been so exhausted the next day!)
b) what's the deal? Is it about being relaxed? taking it easy? having the right level of attraction? being significantly over an ex? the right music (for the record, especially when high, Massive Attack is a fantastic band for sex)? self confidence (obviously failure and nervousness feeds back into itself)? a combination of all of this?
has anyone else experienced this?

analog · 04-24-2006, 11:46 PM

Stress, being nervous- and for many, pot and alcohol are big factors that lead to such things. You just needed to be in the right mood, with the right woman, to get those feelings back where they belong. Happens to lots of guys.

Martian · 04-25-2006, 01:27 AM

See, this is a problem a surprising amount of guys have. We all figure that because things go right when it's easy, they always should. I mean, it's the chicks that are finicky and get stressed and stuff. We are MEN, and not subject to such trivial annoyances.

...Only it doesn't work that way. You get nervous, you get stressed, you get upset and the little guy says 'no way I'm doing that until you get your issues worked out.' And then we get even more stressed, since obviously there's something wrong with us. I mean, no guy in his twenties ever ever has trouble getting an erection, right?

You've hit on the issue yourself, so now that you know the answer it should be less of an issue. Just relax, don't stress and let things go where they'll go. The rest will generally take care of itself. And hell, if he's not going anywhere it's still no reason not to make sure it's a night she'll never forget. That's what keeps 'em coming.

Pardon the pun.

ratbastid · 04-25-2006, 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kalashnikov

b) what's the deal? Is it about being relaxed? taking it easy? having the right level of attraction? being significantly over an ex? the right music (for the record, especially when high, Massive Attack is a fantastic band for sex)? self confidence (obviously failure and nervousness feeds back into itself)? a combination of all of this?
has anyone else experienced this?

I have. It was all about nerves. Once I got confident with my "performance", it never happened again.

It's about all those things. Your largest and vastly most important sexual organ is your brain. If your head's not in the game, there's no WAY your schlong will be.

I agree about Massive Attack, btw. Their remix of Craig Armstrong's "Weather Storm" is just fucking hot.

Lucifer · 04-25-2006, 05:34 AM

'course you might try laying off the booze and pot once in a while...

match000 · 04-25-2006, 05:42 AM

why do the girls hook up with you so fast?

Jinn · 04-25-2006, 07:17 AM

Yea I was impressed at the quickness of your match making myself, but that's a story of it's own, I'm sure. Regardless, I can almost guarantee you that it's mental. I had the same problem for about 6 months, but luckily the girl stayed with me throughout it all until I figured it out. It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to her, it wasn't that I was stressed or tired, and it wasn't that I had some physical problem either. I was just forgetting to enjoy the damn thing. I was so focused on stimulating her naughty bits that I'd forget part of it was attached to me and was supposed to feel good too. I don't what your mental block is, but I can assure you something is up in your subconcious. Maybe sit back one night and do a little soul searching.. you'll figure it out.

kalashnikov · 04-26-2006, 09:45 AM

I had heard that during the last semester of college you can get a lot of action, which seems to be the case now - I really hadn't hooked up that often at all until now.

As for substances - to paraphrase Shakespeare, alcohol increases the desire and decreases the ability, though just a bit (but not getting drunk) definately can help just to calm you down.
Weed can be a double edged sword - it doesn't necessarily make sex better (though it most certainly can), but it enhances whatever mood you are in - if you are feeling awkward/paranoid/nervous it may just increase that. If you are relaxed and the Massive Attack album is on...
But no, I am neither an booze hound nor a pot head.

Right on, Jinnkai - sometimes you can get too focused on trying to get the girl off or get yourself off that you forget to have fun, and then no one gets off.

FallenAvatar · 04-26-2006, 12:31 PM

Been there done that. Happens, I had to get confidant for a while before it was easy. The parts always work it's just getting past the roadblock that sometimes shows up from time to time.

04-24-2006, 09:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
kalashnikov Insane Location: St. Paul	Dry Spells...or: Regaining the Mojo So I am currently a college senior (only a few more weeks to go!) I had a girlfriend the first year and half of sophomore year, and we had a great sex life (even past officially breaking up - though not into junior year at all.) Since then I have not had any long relationships. There were hook-ups now and then, and a couple short (a few weeks tops) relationships. None that had that great of sex. The problem started a few hook-ups ago. About two months ago I was with one girl, and I couldn't get it up. A second time I did, but not easily, and the sex wasn't great. However, in retrospect I really was not attracted to her as much as just horny. I mean, she even chewed gum in bed. That just isn't hot. A few weeks ago I met a girl at a party, and I was really attracted to her, and we went back to my place and I couldn't get it up (I blamed it on the alcohol, though that wasn't the case). She stayed the night and it worked in the morning. About a week ago I invited a girl over to smoke, and one thing (obviously) led to another, and again, nothing the first time, and barely the second. However, unlike with any of the other girls, we talked about it a bit. I was starting to get pretty nervous: can you lose it all at age 22? masturbation has never been a problem. I decided to see her again on Friday, had a drink or two before she came over and layed down with some music (because I was definately nervous), she got there, we got high, and proceeded to have fantastic sex about 6 times that night and the next morning (even with stopping to go to her place, which has a bigger bed)!! So a) I am greatly relieved to see that not only does it all still work, but it can work great! (I have never so much sex in one night! Nor been so exhausted the next day!) b) what's the deal? Is it about being relaxed? taking it easy? having the right level of attraction? being significantly over an ex? the right music (for the record, especially when high, Massive Attack is a fantastic band for sex)? self confidence (obviously failure and nervousness feeds back into itself)? a combination of all of this? has anyone else experienced this? __________________ 'Charmant, respektlos, und immer betrunken.'

04-25-2006, 01:27 AM	#3 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	See, this is a problem a surprising amount of guys have. We all figure that because things go right when it's easy, they always should. I mean, it's the chicks that are finicky and get stressed and stuff. We are MEN, and not subject to such trivial annoyances. ...Only it doesn't work that way. You get nervous, you get stressed, you get upset and the little guy says 'no way I'm doing that until you get your issues worked out.' And then we get even more stressed, since obviously there's something wrong with us. I mean, no guy in his twenties ever ever has trouble getting an erection, right? You've hit on the issue yourself, so now that you know the answer it should be less of an issue. Just relax, don't stress and let things go where they'll go. The rest will generally take care of itself. And hell, if he's not going anywhere it's still no reason not to make sure it's a night she'll never forget. That's what keeps 'em coming. Pardon the pun. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

04-25-2006, 05:34 AM	#5 (permalink)
Lucifer Husband of Seamaiden Location: Nova Scotia	'course you might try laying off the booze and pot once in a while... __________________ I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls. - Job 30:29 1123, 6536, 5321

04-25-2006, 07:17 AM	#7 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	Yea I was impressed at the quickness of your match making myself, but that's a story of it's own, I'm sure. Regardless, I can almost guarantee you that it's mental. I had the same problem for about 6 months, but luckily the girl stayed with me throughout it all until I figured it out. It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to her, it wasn't that I was stressed or tired, and it wasn't that I had some physical problem either. I was just forgetting to enjoy the damn thing. I was so focused on stimulating her naughty bits that I'd forget part of it was attached to me and was supposed to feel good too. I don't what your mental block is, but I can assure you something is up in your subconcious. Maybe sit back one night and do a little soul searching.. you'll figure it out. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

04-26-2006, 09:45 AM	#8 (permalink)
kalashnikov Insane Location: St. Paul	I had heard that during the last semester of college you can get a lot of action, which seems to be the case now - I really hadn't hooked up that often at all until now. As for substances - to paraphrase Shakespeare, alcohol increases the desire and decreases the ability, though just a bit (but not getting drunk) definately can help just to calm you down. Weed can be a double edged sword - it doesn't necessarily make sex better (though it most certainly can), but it enhances whatever mood you are in - if you are feeling awkward/paranoid/nervous it may just increase that. If you are relaxed and the Massive Attack album is on... But no, I am neither an booze hound nor a pot head. Right on, Jinnkai - sometimes you can get too focused on trying to get the girl off or get yourself off that you forget to have fun, and then no one gets off. __________________ 'Charmant, respektlos, und immer betrunken.'

04-24-2006, 11:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
analog Banned	Stress, being nervous- and for many, pot and alcohol are big factors that lead to such things. You just needed to be in the right mood, with the right woman, to get those feelings back where they belong. Happens to lots of guys.

04-25-2006, 05:42 AM	#6 (permalink)
match000 Psycho	why do the girls hook up with you so fast?

04-26-2006, 12:31 PM	#9 (permalink)
FallenAvatar Psycho	Been there done that. Happens, I had to get confidant for a while before it was easy. The parts always work it's just getting past the roadblock that sometimes shows up from time to time. __________________ Fetch me the spirit, the son and the father, Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.