An must-read article for all men... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

THE MAC GOD · 06-05-2003, 09:09 AM

Quote:

<i>as seen *here* </i>

<b>Secrets of the Clitoris
Dr. Fink </b>

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Anyone who has been getting laid for a significant amount of time knows that pure penetration does not get the job done for most women. Sure, you can bang away and take care of your part of the deal, but isn’t it so much better when you can get her off, too? Answer: yes, it is.

Which brings us to the clitoris. If you plan on making your girl scream like Mariah Carey, you must know the ins and outs... no pun intended... of this most elusive part of the female anatomy. Now, don't get me wrong, there are many other female body parts that you should pay attention to if you want to be a great lover... but we're not discussing those parts here. This is strictly clit talk. So what are you waiting for? Dive on in!

Things You Should Know About the Clitoris

1) Clitoris = penis.
I don't want to freak anyone out with this statement. All I'm saying is, what your penis is to you, the clitoris is to your woman. Can you imagine having a marathon sex session without the girl ever getting anywhere near your wang? It would suck ass. That’s what it's like for women to have sex with no clitoral stimulation.

2) That little pencil eraser looking thing? That's not it.
Okay, so this statement is not entirely true... that little pencil eraser thing is part of the clitoris. But - and this is crucial – it's only part. What many people call the clit is really the "glans." Remember our penis analogy. The glans is the head. So that means that there is also a shaft.

"What?" you say. "I don’t know what kind of trim you’ve been getting, Dr. Fink, but my girl does not have a fucking shaft."

I have not gotten much quality trim, this is true. But they have definitely been women, and I can assure you beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have all had a clitoral shaft. It's there. However, women, in their never-ending quest to make our lives more difficult, have evolved in such a way that the main part of their most sensitive sex organ is TUCKED INSIDE THEIR BODIES.

3) An anatomy lesson.
Back when you were just a little fetus hanging out inside your mama's womb, some divine stroke of fate made you a man. Others were not so lucky. These people became women.

Ladies, I kid.

The point is, although we look differently (and most definitely act differently), men and women are made from the same basic substance, and therefore, our sexual organs are not as different as they may seem to the naked eye. Take, for example, the scrotum, or, for the less scientific-minded, the nutsack. The nutsack is made from exactly the same sort of tissue that makes up the lips of the vagina. The difference is that we have a seam running down the middle that basically sews the two sides together, while women have no seam. This is fortunate for reasons that need not be explained here.

So, in our analogy, if the lips are like the scro, the clitoris is, again, like the penis. The shaft of the clitoris goes back and up, inside the vagina, where it is covered by a layer of fat and skin. Unfortunately, if you stick your fingers into the vagina and rub the top, you’re not rubbing the clitoris, because that damn fat and skin layer is blocking your path.

Right up at the head of the clitoris, or, as we've learned, the glans, this shaft divides into two forks called "crura." The penis analogy is not lost... we actually have crura down there, too. They anchor the penis to the body. These crura perform the same function on women.

The clitoris is A) erectile and B) flexible. When it gets erect, it lengthens and its bend flattens out, just like a penis. The flexible part is the neat part. Unlike the penis, which is always in the same place, the clitoris can float up and down inside the midline of the body.

Right behind the root of the clitoris, about an inch inside the body, there’s an oval-shaped bone called the symphasis. Men have a symphasis as well, which is located above the root of the penis. The symphasis is a very useful bone, as you will soon learn.

4) Fantastic. Great. Now how do I use this information to get my woman off?
Before I tell you what to do, I'll tell ya' what not to do. Don't concentrate on the glans. We all know what a foreskin is, right? Personally, I don’t have one. Those bastards at the hospital chopped mine off many years ago without my permission. If you've managed to hang onto yours, you know that the foreskin covers the head of your dick until you get worked up. The glans of the clitoris operates under the exact same system. If you don't have a foreskin, imagine a layer of not-real-sensitive skin covering the head of your penis. If a woman was rubbing it around before you were totally hard, most likely, it would just feel obnoxious.

Now, it's true that the glans is way sensitive, so you definitely have to use it... you just have to use it the right way. Make sure she's worked up and in the mood before you attack the glans. She's not going to get hot with you rubbing your stubby fingers all over her push-button. You need to incorporate the whole damned vagina, crura and all.

When women masturbate, the most common stroke is to rub the glans and crura in a circular motion. Most women tend to go either clockwise or counter-clockwise. As when you whack off, there is an upstroke and a downstroke, with the upstroke being the most pleasurable, and the downstroke being a necessary bridge between upstrokes. So when you’re giving your woman the rubdown, use your whole hand, not just your finger. You have to make sure the entire clitoris is being stimulated, not just the glans – I can’t stress this enough. Play around and find out what feels good to her. Or just ask. No shame in asking, for Chrissakes.

There is one more thing – the sweet spot. First, figure out whether she likes it best clockwise or counter-clockwise. That's imperative. Now, at the completion of the circle, there will be a little spot that can provide her with massive, unbelievable pleasure. Looking at the vagina as a clockface (as we all like to do from time to time), this spot will either be at 11:00 or 1:00, depending on her preferred circle. When she’s really hot, apply a gentle but firm pressure to this spot and watch the magic unfold.

5) Penetration.
Getting her off during penetration can be a little more complex. But not really... I mean, come on, this ain't rocket science here. It is definitely going to require some communication between you and her, though, so if you have a hard time talking to your woman... get a new partner. Or get yourself some therapy.

What you want to do is teach her to work her clitoris properly. Have her get on top of you. This way, she can better control her part of the bargain. Remember the symphasis? She needs to position herself so that her clitoris is trapped between her symphasis and yours. It sounds complicated, but trust me, she will know when she hits it.

With every inward stroke, she should give a little downward and outward roll of her pelvis. That's it. With that tiny little extra twist, her sexual pleasure instantly increases tenfold... which means that yours will, as well. The best part? YOU DON'T NEED TO DO A GODDAMNED THING. Just lay back and take it like a man.

Of course, as she gets better at it, she can find the right position quickly and you can switch up your steez.

So there it is, the Vissor.com Guide to the Clitoris. Hopefully, I have managed to shed some light on a formerly dark subject for some of you. In writing this article, I have spent the past few hours staring at a computer screen, carefully studying the female anatomy, and I'm tired of it. I'm getting the hell out of here and going to have myself some mind-blowing sex. I suggest you do the same.

Your woman will thank you...

Peetster · 06-05-2003, 09:13 AM

It's a good article. Thanks!

THE MAC GOD · 06-05-2003, 09:20 AM

yeah... it's always good to know thine enemy... (I mean that in a definite good way...)

Frowning Budah · 06-05-2003, 07:59 PM

Sounds like too much work to me

platypus · 06-06-2003, 04:48 AM

Hey, there's some science in the show today!

The "Panic Button" and I are good friends.

THE MAC GOD · 06-06-2003, 09:06 AM

the good old panic button...

Magpie0001 · 06-07-2003, 12:51 AM

Whats a clitoris?

lady · 06-07-2003, 05:01 AM

It's a good start...

THE MAC GOD · 06-07-2003, 09:13 PM

I know you're kidding (i hope), but that is why there are so many disatisfied women out there...

Quote:

Originally posted by Magpie0001
Whats a clitoris?

Sparhawk · 06-08-2003, 11:06 AM

I'm pretty sure gay men don't really need to read this article.

Antagony · 06-08-2003, 04:27 PM

What was that quote from that movie? . . . oh yes . . .

"I AM THE CLIT COMMANDER!!"

THE MAC GOD · 06-08-2003, 04:32 PM

lol... i dont think i laughed that hard in a long time when I saw that...

aus5tin · 06-09-2003, 08:45 AM

ahh...
the secrets of master magicians revealed...

ninety09 · 06-09-2003, 11:12 AM

That was a very interesting read..

Daval · 06-09-2003, 03:30 PM

great article!

World's King · 06-09-2003, 03:32 PM

Okay... I need picures.

I'm more of a visual learner.

Cynthetiq · 06-10-2003, 11:59 AM

women...is it accurate info?

lady · 06-10-2003, 05:21 PM

( removed )

THE MAC GOD · 06-10-2003, 06:28 PM

very interesting... have to give that a shot

alterEGO · 06-11-2003, 01:41 AM

With a guy it's just simple, stroke it up and down. And with a woman i takes a few pages to explain.

What is up with that, i just know now to rub it all instead of that little alarm button only?

Troublebot · 06-11-2003, 06:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Antagony
What was that quote from that movie? . . . oh yes . . .

"I AM THE CLIT COMMANDER!!"

"I make that shit work, yo!"

and it's true... I do.

mackyroo · 06-11-2003, 06:50 PM

Thank you for this Guide.

THE MAC GOD · 06-12-2003, 08:55 AM

women are unfortunately complicated beings... so, a few pages is necessary...

schUsseln · 06-19-2003, 10:57 PM

I'm still not sure how to get the bone's alligned...

rogue49 · 06-20-2003, 03:35 AM

excellent stuff.
and thank you for the add on lady.

It never hurts to get as much info as possible.
They say the information is power,
here information is pleasure.

And I aim to please.

jmf1234 · 06-26-2003, 12:47 PM

Thanks! I knew where it is before i read this, but my girlfriend always complains that when i rub it it's painful.

shred_head · 06-26-2003, 05:32 PM

Yeah that is some good information, can't wait to try that out.

merkdr · 07-04-2003, 08:22 AM

sometimes it`s just as easy to ask what she likes,no?

boink · 07-05-2003, 12:47 PM

to hell with it, I'm already eating a sandwitch and watching the game.

(jk)

THE MAC GOD · 07-05-2003, 01:52 PM

tros22 · 07-06-2003, 11:38 AM

Thank you, that was funny, and informative.

yakimushi · 07-06-2003, 08:53 PM

Quite interesting. Its nice to see stuff like this laid out in an amusing and informative way.

nickt · 07-06-2003, 09:49 PM

I like the "lay back and take it like a man" part - let them do it themselves - its the easiest way and guaranteed to work.

Great article though - invaluable knowledge.

Spooo · 07-06-2003, 11:20 PM

That will help alot. But it would be better/easier to follow, if there were pictures.

kalisto_911 · 07-07-2003, 08:52 AM

good read

-Anders · 07-07-2003, 10:34 AM

This will come in handy, even though i think of my self as somewhat being home around the clit

Hehehe

petergriffin24 · 07-07-2003, 11:47 AM

beauty read thanks

livewirerc · 07-07-2003, 11:56 AM

Good article, though I've found that all women are different. My fiancee doesn't get off as much from clitoral stimulation as vaginal stimulation. In fact her clit is very sensitive and overstimulation of it starts to cause pain for her.

Nova_Dust · 07-07-2003, 12:03 PM

I believe I have been doing all that so far as a good little boy. All my previous partners seemed to like my right hand very much.

mordret · 07-10-2003, 06:55 AM

Great post, useful guide, I liked the style ...

06-05-2003, 09:20 AM	#3 (permalink)
THE MAC GOD Insane Location: In front of my keyboard.	yeah... it's always good to know thine enemy... (I mean that in a definite good way...) __________________ Why continue fighting? Is it for Love? Illusions. All as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as Love.

06-06-2003, 04:48 AM	#5 (permalink)
platypus Essen meine kurze Hosen Location: NY Burbs	Hey, there's some science in the show today! The "Panic Button" and I are good friends. __________________ Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall...nothing but Net.

06-06-2003, 09:06 AM	#6 (permalink)
THE MAC GOD Insane Location: In front of my keyboard.	the good old panic button... __________________ Why continue fighting? Is it for Love? Illusions. All as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as Love.

06-07-2003, 12:51 AM	#7 (permalink)
Magpie0001 Nobody Loves Me Location: Irish In Madrid	Whats a clitoris? __________________ Music is my first love & It will be my last.

06-08-2003, 11:06 AM	#10 (permalink)
Sparhawk Dubya Location: VA	I'm pretty sure gay men don't really need to read this article. __________________ "In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."

06-05-2003, 09:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
Peetster Right Now Location: Home	It's a good article. Thanks!

06-05-2003, 07:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
Frowning Budah Slave of Fear	Sounds like too much work to me

06-07-2003, 05:01 AM	#8 (permalink)
lady Addict Location: Vancouver, BC	It's a good start...

06-08-2003, 04:27 PM	#11 (permalink)
Antagony Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate Location: ...between Christ and Belial.	What was that quote from that movie? . . . oh yes . . . *"I AM THE CLIT COMMANDER!!"* __________________ On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll. Sleep is a waste of time. Join the Insomniac Club. "GYOH GWAH-DAH GREH BLAAA! SROH WIH DIH FLIH RYOHH!!" - The Locust

06-08-2003, 04:32 PM	#12 (permalink)
THE MAC GOD Insane Location: In front of my keyboard.	lol... i dont think i laughed that hard in a long time when I saw that... __________________ Why continue fighting? Is it for Love? Illusions. All as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as Love.

06-09-2003, 08:45 AM	#13 (permalink)
aus5tin Crazy Location: SWLA	ahh... the secrets of master magicians revealed... __________________ You cannot trick a bear... he knows a meal when he sees one.

06-09-2003, 11:12 AM	#14 (permalink)
ninety09 Flavour of the Weak Location: Canada	That was a very interesting read..

06-09-2003, 03:30 PM	#15 (permalink)
Daval Junkie Location: The True North Strong and Free!	great article! __________________ "It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it." Winston Churchill

06-09-2003, 03:32 PM	#16 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Okay... I need picures. I'm more of a visual learner. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

06-10-2003, 11:59 AM	#17 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	women...is it accurate info? __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

06-10-2003, 05:21 PM	#18 (permalink)
lady Addict Location: Vancouver, BC	( removed ) __________________ Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt. Last edited by lady; 09-05-2004 at 02:34 PM..

06-19-2003, 10:57 PM	#24 (permalink)
schUsseln Upright Location: San Francisco	I'm still not sure how to get the bone's alligned... __________________ A moral point of view too often serves as a substitue for understanding in technological matters. -Marshal McLuhan

06-26-2003, 05:32 PM	#27 (permalink)
shred_head Psycho Location: Atlanta, GA	Yeah that is some good information, can't wait to try that out. __________________ "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds" -- Albert Einstein "A clear indication of women's superiority over man is their refusal to play air guitar." --Frank Zappa

06-10-2003, 06:28 PM	#19 (permalink)
THE MAC GOD Insane Location: In front of my keyboard.	very interesting... have to give that a shot __________________ Why continue fighting? Is it for Love? Illusions. All as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as Love.

06-11-2003, 01:41 AM	#20 (permalink)
alterEGO Loser	With a guy it's just simple, stroke it up and down. And with a woman i takes a few pages to explain. What is up with that, i just know now to rub it all instead of that little alarm button only?

06-11-2003, 06:50 PM	#22 (permalink)
mackyroo Tilted Location: in a padded room.	Thank you for this Guide. __________________ Official Bullshit.

06-12-2003, 08:55 AM	#23 (permalink)
THE MAC GOD Insane Location: In front of my keyboard.	women are unfortunately complicated beings... so, a few pages is necessary... __________________ Why continue fighting? Is it for Love? Illusions. All as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as Love.

06-20-2003, 03:35 AM	#25 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	excellent stuff. and thank you for the add on lady. It never hurts to get as much info as possible. They say the information is power, here information is pleasure. And I aim to please.

06-26-2003, 12:47 PM	#26 (permalink)
jmf1234 Insane Location: Steel City ( the 'Burgh)	Thanks! I knew where it is before i read this, but my girlfriend always complains that when i rub it it's painful. __________________ Let's go Pitt, we're set for victory Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. -- Charles Pierce

07-04-2003, 08:22 AM	#28 (permalink)
merkdr Tilted Location: ottawa, canada	sometimes it`s just as easy to ask what she likes,no?

07-05-2003, 12:47 PM	#29 (permalink)
boink Addict Location: Seattle	to hell with it, I'm already eating a sandwitch and watching the game. (jk) __________________ when you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer. Superstition ain't the way.

07-05-2003, 01:52 PM	#30 (permalink)
THE MAC GOD Insane Location: In front of my keyboard.	__________________ Why continue fighting? Is it for Love? Illusions. All as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as Love.

07-06-2003, 11:38 AM	#31 (permalink)
tros22 Tilted	Thank you, that was funny, and informative. __________________ Eh

07-06-2003, 08:53 PM	#32 (permalink)
yakimushi Addict	Quite interesting. Its nice to see stuff like this laid out in an amusing and informative way.

07-06-2003, 09:49 PM	#33 (permalink)
nickt Whaddya mean my hair is "GREEN"??? Location: Melbourne	I like the "lay back and take it like a man" part - let them do it themselves - its the easiest way and guaranteed to work. Great article though - invaluable knowledge. __________________ AND WHERE.......... ...is the Batman?

07-06-2003, 11:20 PM	#34 (permalink)
Spooo Upright	That will help alot. But it would be better/easier to follow, if there were pictures.

07-07-2003, 08:52 AM	#35 (permalink)
kalisto_911 Psycho Location: Dreams	good read __________________ I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with. [Plato]

07-07-2003, 10:34 AM	#36 (permalink)
-Anders Custom title. Location: Denmark.	This will come in handy, even though i think of my self as somewhat being home around the clit Hehehe __________________ Signature 101

07-07-2003, 11:47 AM	#37 (permalink)
petergriffin24 Insane	beauty read thanks

07-07-2003, 11:56 AM	#38 (permalink)
livewirerc Insane Location: Austin, TX	Good article, though I've found that all women are different. My fiancee doesn't get off as much from clitoral stimulation as vaginal stimulation. In fact her clit is very sensitive and overstimulation of it starts to cause pain for her.

07-07-2003, 12:03 PM	#39 (permalink)
Nova_Dust Upright Location: Toronto	I believe I have been doing all that so far as a good little boy. All my previous partners seemed to like my right hand very much.

07-10-2003, 06:55 AM	#40 (permalink)
mordret Tilted Location: Metz, France	Great post, useful guide, I liked the style ...