Popularity with women - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

innovis · 02-19-2006, 01:10 PM

I've noticed that some guys, who aren't necessarily exceptional in any way, seem to have alot of girls who actively want their attention. I'm not talking romantic attention, necessarily, although that could be another part of it.

How do these guys achieve this?

I'm not a main part of the inner circle of most of my female friends, but I'd like to be, and I'd like to be introduced to their friends, and such. I'm finding more and more that I'm temporarily added to the inner circle because the girl wants to date me, but when the option to date me goes away (we decide to just be friends, or whatever), I get pushed back out but kept on as a distant friend. As a result throughout the entire process where I think I'm making a good friend, I'm actually just being introduced to the girls close friends to be evaluated, and not meeting any other girls who may be interested in being friends with me because they are respecting this girl's territory, and then I get pushed back out. I hope this makes sense...

My problem with this is, besides not really meeting many new people, is that these friends I make don't really seem dependable or interested in gradually becoming better friend friends after the fact. As in I'll invite them to activities or do stuff for them, but they won't do the same in return, or if they do it won't be with nearly as much frequency.

MEAD · 02-19-2006, 01:34 PM

I was going to post something similar to that, about how hard it is to have friends that are girls, or at least to maintain their interest. Part, or most, of me cares simply because I'm single and not doing very well with figuring out women in general, but it seems that I get ignored by women regardless of my feelings for them. It would be nice to be able to talk to some girls as friends more often than I do. I constantly find myself on the working end of the realtionship, exactly as you have described. Whats up?!

tecoyah · 02-19-2006, 02:02 PM

There is generaly one trait in every man who garners attention regulary from women....confidence.

World's King · 02-19-2006, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tecoyah

There is generaly one trait in every man who garners attention regulary from women....confidence.

Being rich and having a big dick help too...

Anyway...

It's true. Confidance is key. And saddly... if you're not a very interesting person no can be interested in you.

innovis · 02-19-2006, 03:10 PM

I dunno. I've been confident, and I have no shortage of things to talk about, and I have really engaging conversations with them...

Edit:

Unless you mean you HAVE to be one of those people that somehow can wrangle a group into paying attention to them, and always has something to say about everything that will keep everyone interested. I'm not one of those people (I think people who have to chip in about everything come off as attention whores and usually don't have much substantial to say besides retelling old stories *shrug*).

Borla · 02-19-2006, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tecoyah

There is generaly one trait in every man who garners attention regulary from women....confidence.

Agreed.

However, what some guys fail to do is either project that confidence in a recognizable way, or conversly, they push it so far that they come across as arrogant. It's a fine line to walk, but I think it's the biggest factor.

maleficent · 02-19-2006, 04:11 PM

It's hard to put this into words- because it's more of a feeling... With some men- it's confidence (without the arrogance that's there in too many boys) but it's also the lack of desperation... and that's not the right word but I'm having a hard time finding it... it's that they project a warmth about them that draws people in (of both genders) and it's that they aren't looking to just get laid that night... it's the lack of desperation that they need to have someone that is draws people in...

snowy · 02-19-2006, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

It's hard to put this into words- because it's more of a feeling... With some men- it's confidence (without the arrogance that's there in too many boys) but it's also the lack of desperation... and that's not the right word but I'm having a hard time finding it... it's that they project a warmth about them that draws people in (of both genders) and it's that they aren't looking to just get laid that night... it's the lack of desperation that they need to have someone that is draws people in...

Comfort in their own skin is what comes to my mind, as well as thinking with the heart and head instead of the little head below.

Those are two things that catch my attention in a guy.

MEAD · 02-19-2006, 05:02 PM

If I to need project complete inner peace with myself and total confidence with who I am to attract a woman, then forget it. I'm going to go join the priesthood. I don't think you could possibly be really close to someone (friend or otherwise) who is perfectly at peace with everything in their life... they have no need for you. Friends and loved ones are supposed to depend on each other, interlock, bond, unite, become one. If you seek a person who defies that, I think you are being quite foolish. I also think it's foolish if a woman is looking for their male friends to be completely asexual around them. It's unfair to ask someone to strip down a part of themselves for you to be their friend. You should be accepting of who they are. Women are not the only ones with morals. I personally have made my choice to only involve myself sexually with a girl only after I knew I loved her, but does that mean I have to hide my sexuality and show it only to a woman I came to love? I have female friends who I am attracted to, but consider them nothing more than friends, I certainly do not hide the fact that I am a sexual person who recognizes their sexuality as well, and we get along fine, but thats only two girls in my life so far... and they are currently far away and I can't spend time with either of them now. I'm finding it diffuclt to create that kind of relationship again.

Val_1 · 02-19-2006, 05:30 PM

Guys that appear to be "easy going" and "fun" tend to get a lot of attention. That's one problem I have. I love to joke around, but people that don't know me well tend to classify me as being real serious ... perhaps even .... *pompous*. So ... maybe I could loosen up a bit ...

MEAD · 02-19-2006, 05:34 PM

That sounds very possible, I've been on a quest lately to have more fun and loosen up. It only makes sense that someone would want to be friends with a guy who seemed to fun to be around.

Jinn · 02-20-2006, 08:04 AM

Yes -- when I hear confidence, I do hear..

Quote:

.. HAVE to be one of those people that somehow can wrangle a group into paying attention to them, and always has something to say about everything that will keep everyone interested. I'm not one of those people (I think people who have to chip in about everything come off as attention whores and usually don't have much substantial to say besides retelling old stories *shrug*)."

Nobody likes to be bored, and if by "wrangle" you mean "enthralled," then sure. Don't be afraid of taking control of a conversation. You're only an attention whore if you dominate a conversation so people will listen to you. A person who dominates the converation with good stories (for the benefit of the listeners, not themselves -- this is the key ) is not an attention whore, but a confident person who enjoys telling stories.

jRuntlets · 02-20-2006, 08:55 AM

As a girl with various male friends... I look for a man who isn't out to date me. If they are out to date me then they end up being classified in the group of "friends - but very distant ones". Why? Clearly they had no intention of really being my friend in the beginning. Perhaps you come on too strong as wanting to date the women you know. It's one thing to be attracted to the females you are trying to become friends with but it's another thing to put off the "I need a date NOW, but will settle for friends if you don't like me." vibe. Nothing is more off putting than a man who seems desperate for the relationship kind of attention.

Take a look at your priorities: Why is it SO important for you to have female friends? Are the female friends a replacement for a relationship? When you do date someone new do you make less time those female friends?

If your answer to the third question is yes then clearly your need for female friends is as a relationship replacer. No woman wants to replace someone you don't have and be abondoned when you find the other 'her'.

I think men worry too much about having female friends. The more you worry the more you project undesireable traits. Go out, talk to women who have the same interests. You can be friends with all kinds of women and you don't even have to have any sexual interest in them!

The 'parts' your friends have don't matter... just that they're friends. If you feel they're anything less than leave em' behind!

CandleInTheDark · 02-20-2006, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Borla

Agreed.

However, what some guys fail to do is either project that confidence in a recognizable way, or conversly, they push it so far that they come across as arrogant. It's a fine line to walk, but I think it's the biggest factor.

It's better to be arrogant than unconfident.

taboo · 02-21-2006, 07:29 PM

i would say is not to approach or to be approached by people with specific goals in mind..

it's better to play it cool, meet people, get to know them, and then see if there is an interest for anything more..

i think people aren;t patient anymore..everyone is on the hunt for that "perfect" someone..and they won;t "waste their time" (to put it bluntly) just to make new friends..unfortunately..they're ok being with the ones they already have..it's a real piss off.

Sharon · 03-26-2006, 09:33 AM

My 2p's worth as a girl who has some great guy friend...

My best guy friends are the ones who are just great company, and take me on dates which are just fun and playful. They flirt with me, but without the objective of hooking up, more to make me laugh and just have a good time. I would do just about anything (non-sexual that is) for these guys... I've hooked them up with my female friends, put them up when they had nowhere to stay, bought one a suit for an interview, etc. but their value to me was so much more than those relatively inexpensive things.

02-19-2006, 01:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
innovis Crazy	Popularity with women I've noticed that some guys, who aren't necessarily exceptional in any way, seem to have alot of girls who actively want their attention. I'm not talking romantic attention, necessarily, although that could be another part of it. How do these guys achieve this? I'm not a main part of the inner circle of most of my female friends, but I'd like to be, and I'd like to be introduced to their friends, and such. I'm finding more and more that I'm temporarily added to the inner circle because the girl wants to date me, but when the option to date me goes away (we decide to just be friends, or whatever), I get pushed back out but kept on as a distant friend. As a result throughout the entire process where I think I'm making a good friend, I'm actually just being introduced to the girls close friends to be evaluated, and not meeting any other girls who may be interested in being friends with me because they are respecting this girl's territory, and then I get pushed back out. I hope this makes sense... My problem with this is, besides not really meeting many new people, is that these friends I make don't really seem dependable or interested in gradually becoming better friend friends after the fact. As in I'll invite them to activities or do stuff for them, but they won't do the same in return, or if they do it won't be with nearly as much frequency.

02-19-2006, 01:34 PM	#2 (permalink)
MEAD Insane Location: South Florida	I was going to post something similar to that, about how hard it is to have friends that are girls, or at least to maintain their interest. Part, or most, of me cares simply because I'm single and not doing very well with figuring out women in general, but it seems that I get ignored by women regardless of my feelings for them. It would be nice to be able to talk to some girls as friends more often than I do. I constantly find myself on the working end of the realtionship, exactly as you have described. Whats up?! __________________ Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die. "That's it, send out the ninjas!" "So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

02-19-2006, 02:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	There is generaly one trait in every man who garners attention regulary from women....confidence. __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

02-19-2006, 03:10 PM	#5 (permalink)
innovis Crazy	I dunno. I've been confident, and I have no shortage of things to talk about, and I have really engaging conversations with them... Edit: Unless you mean you HAVE to be one of those people that somehow can wrangle a group into paying attention to them, and always has something to say about everything that will keep everyone interested. I'm not one of those people (I think people who have to chip in about everything come off as attention whores and usually don't have much substantial to say besides retelling old stories shrug). Last edited by innovis; 02-19-2006 at 03:15 PM..

02-19-2006, 04:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	It's hard to put this into words- because it's more of a feeling... With some men- it's confidence (without the arrogance that's there in too many boys) but it's also the lack of desperation... and that's not the right word but I'm having a hard time finding it... it's that they project a warmth about them that draws people in (of both genders) and it's that they aren't looking to just get laid that night... it's the lack of desperation that they need to have someone that is draws people in... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

02-19-2006, 05:02 PM	#9 (permalink)
MEAD Insane Location: South Florida	If I to need project complete inner peace with myself and total confidence with who I am to attract a woman, then forget it. I'm going to go join the priesthood. I don't think you could possibly be really close to someone (friend or otherwise) who is perfectly at peace with everything in their life... they have no need for you. Friends and loved ones are supposed to depend on each other, interlock, bond, unite, become one. If you seek a person who defies that, I think you are being quite foolish. I also think it's foolish if a woman is looking for their male friends to be completely asexual around them. It's unfair to ask someone to strip down a part of themselves for you to be their friend. You should be accepting of who they are. Women are not the only ones with morals. I personally have made my choice to only involve myself sexually with a girl only after I knew I loved her, but does that mean I have to hide my sexuality and show it only to a woman I came to love? I have female friends who I am attracted to, but consider them nothing more than friends, I certainly do not hide the fact that I am a sexual person who recognizes their sexuality as well, and we get along fine, but thats only two girls in my life so far... and they are currently far away and I can't spend time with either of them now. I'm finding it diffuclt to create that kind of relationship again. __________________ Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die. "That's it, send out the ninjas!" "So then I had to kill my way to the second floor." Last edited by MEAD; 02-19-2006 at 05:21 PM..

02-19-2006, 05:30 PM	#10 (permalink)
Val_1 Addict Location: In a State of Denial	Guys that appear to be "easy going" and "fun" tend to get a lot of attention. That's one problem I have. I love to joke around, but people that don't know me well tend to classify me as being real serious ... perhaps even .... pompous. So ... maybe I could loosen up a bit ... __________________ I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -Frank Sinatra

02-19-2006, 05:34 PM	#11 (permalink)
MEAD Insane Location: South Florida	That sounds very possible, I've been on a quest lately to have more fun and loosen up. It only makes sense that someone would want to be friends with a guy who seemed to fun to be around. __________________ Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die. "That's it, send out the ninjas!" "So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

02-20-2006, 08:55 AM	#13 (permalink)
jRuntlets Crazy	As a girl with various male friends... I look for a man who isn't out to date me. If they are out to date me then they end up being classified in the group of "friends - but very distant ones". Why? Clearly they had no intention of really being my friend in the beginning. Perhaps you come on too strong as wanting to date the women you know. It's one thing to be attracted to the females you are trying to become friends with but it's another thing to put off the "I need a date NOW, but will settle for friends if you don't like me." vibe. Nothing is more off putting than a man who seems desperate for the relationship kind of attention. Take a look at your priorities: Why is it SO important for you to have female friends? Are the female friends a replacement for a relationship? When you do date someone new do you make less time those female friends? If your answer to the third question is yes then clearly your need for female friends is as a relationship replacer. No woman wants to replace someone you don't have and be abondoned when you find the other 'her'. I think men worry too much about having female friends. The more you worry the more you project undesireable traits. Go out, talk to women who have the same interests. You can be friends with all kinds of women and you don't even have to have any sexual interest in them! The 'parts' your friends have don't matter... just that they're friends. If you feel they're anything less than leave em' behind! __________________ Horses come and go, but some leave permanent hoof prints on your life.

02-21-2006, 07:29 PM	#15 (permalink)
taboo Crazy	i would say is not to approach or to be approached by people with specific goals in mind.. it's better to play it cool, meet people, get to know them, and then see if there is an interest for anything more.. i think people aren;t patient anymore..everyone is on the hunt for that "perfect" someone..and they won;t "waste their time" (to put it bluntly) just to make new friends..unfortunately..they're ok being with the ones they already have..it's a real piss off.

03-26-2006, 09:33 AM	#16 (permalink)
Sharon Coy, sultry and... naughty! Location: Across the way	My 2p's worth as a girl who has some great guy friend... My best guy friends are the ones who are just great company, and take me on dates which are just fun and playful. They flirt with me, but without the objective of hooking up, more to make me laugh and just have a good time. I would do just about anything (non-sexual that is) for these guys... I've hooked them up with my female friends, put them up when they had nowhere to stay, bought one a suit for an interview, etc. but their value to me was so much more than those relatively inexpensive things.