The Goblin God under my bed.
 

When I was young I used to be afraid of the dark. I used to be certain that there was something in my room that lurks in the shadows. I believed it with all my soul. I also knew that I could protect myself from this creature. I knew that it was afraid of light, but since the smallest shadow is enough for it to hide and later manifest itself a nightlight would be of no use. I knew that it could only get me while I was asleep. So I protected myself by covering up as much of myself as possible. By tucking the covers underneath myself, I made sure that nothing could get under the covers without disturbing me. For quite a few years I slept with nothing but a small peephole in my cocoon. It was big enough to allow me to breathe and look into the darkness with one eye yet deep enough so that a hand could not reach in without disturbing the covers. This way, if it tried to reach for my eye it would wake me up and I would be safe. How I came upon this knowledge I do not know but I was certain without a doubt that it was my only defense against the monster in the shadows. It had no shape, yet I knew that every nightly noise, every strange smell, every movement in the shadows and uncomfortable feeling could signal its presence. I don’t remember how long this phase of my life lasted but I believe I was besieged every night for some five years. I don’t really remember how I finally figured out that my fears were unfounded.

As I try to remember those long past years what still amazes me is how sure I was of my predatory nightly companion. I now realize that it was just my mind rationalizing my instinctive impulses. Impulses to stay immobile, quiet and hidden that served my ancestors well in the days past when carnivores were prowling close by at night. The mind doesn’t care for instincts though, everything has to have a purpose, everything has to make sense. We would go mad if we became aware that we are performing action without our control, without a reason. Yet that was exactly what was happening to me so my mind created this shadow demon to give reason to my instinctive behavior, for it did not know, nor was it aware of instincts back then.

The other fact I now realize is that the Goblin was my very first God. For it was in every sense another being. It was real and alive. It could have influence over me. Most importantly there was a ritual involved and rules were followed. Everything made perfect sense to me. It is hard to describe now, impossible to describe, but I was absolutely sure that this shadow predator existed. I believed it in my very soul, or whatever I knew of it then. That certainty, that deep yet un-founded knowledge of existence is the only proof that any one can offer of God, therefore I have created my own shadow deity.



Both thoughts stir up quite a storm in my brain. I will follow up with further musings on this subject. In the mean time I would like to know what you people think about what has been said.

Cheers.

That's some good writing up there in that post!

Thanks for the stimulating ideas.
I like how you describe some of the primitive components of religious experience.

Quite.

What people didn't understand were represented as the first spirits, demons and gods.

The symbolism is significant.

And the bridge that you made between this and your childhood imagination was excellent.

This still sounds like rationalization. I would dig deeper for the source of your fear.

Mantus, that was perfect!

Pretty much summed it up. I think that in this post, you have made sense of so many things in our life to me. I had never thought of why one was afraid of the dark, and I had never looked at religion that way. Beautiful.

Blown away. I think I just had the atheistic equivalent of a burning bush. You just reminded me I used to be afraid of the troll from the billy goats gruff fairy tale. I used to get my mum to make fairy cakes for it. A sacrifice? Something that's easier for a predator to eat than I am?

Yes, very well written.

I enjoyed the post immensly, If you want to find explanations maybe check out the play 'Equus' by Peter Schaffer, it was a play that reminded me of the childhood fears that I myself once had and those that have seeped into my real adult life.

Thanks, I have to think on it a while before commenting further.

My god was not a goblin, but it was definitely there. It was actually a nameless thing "under the bed" from a Choose Your Own Adventure book. It managed to keep my bedside light on at night for years upon years.

The reality and the ritual were simply a part of my life. Our shared experience makes me wonder slightly whether instinct is the only factor.

I think that you have summed up an experience / set of experiences that many if not all of us have gone through as we have matured. There is a great deal of signifigance when the "switch" has been thrown and we are no longer 'afraid' of that in which we do not know.

You have done a great job putting this into writing, in a way that paints a surreal picture in my mind.

Many thanks, this will be on my mind for quite a while. :)

;)

-SF

CSfilm pretty much said what I think about this post aswell.
Please do continiue, it is truly a thoughtprovoking line of thoghts and I am most eager to read more.

It is my philosophy that you are currently questing to overcome your demons. Let me tell you that the answers you seek lie within (sorry it's so cliche, but it's true).

MY question is why we share the same beliefs and ideas? Where do we as children get the idea that evil resides in the shadows and is afraid of the light and that we can protect ourselves by covering up?

Evolution. I reckon it got hardwired for the reasons highlighted in paragraph two of the original post.

God is/was hardwired into the human psyche. "Evolution of the Bicameral Mind" (inexact title, sorry), covered it in part. The idea is that the early Greeks did not realize that their internal monologue was their own personality, and interpreted it as the voice of god/s. Religion, in general, was the explanation for that which we did/do not understand.

Nonetheless, excellent portrayal, and a very interesting and creative take ont he subject!

Wow, that was a very good piece of writing. I may have to save it and show it to other people. You should write a book or something. (Maybe your really just Joesph Campbell reincarnated or something.)

Some of the very bad grammar in that post has been downgraded to poor grammar. I can’t think and write at the same time…you should see my think and walk; I once missed my house by two blocks.

Well it’s amazing how fast the mind moves. The day I wrote that I was so excited by my newfound knowledge. Now that it has been assimilated into my model of the world it really seems rather mundane, funny how the mind works. If I didn’t write it down that day I would have never shared it with you people, because it seems like just a small piece of the puzzle now.

I am glad that so many people enjoyed the read, thank you for the wonderful responses.

as with other TFPs...GOD DAMN!! YOU CAN WRITE!! :)

I also have a problem similar to yours. In mine, I tend to "believe" that monsters from scary movies will appear in my house and kill me. That causes me to have trouble sleeping at night when i was young, as a matter of fact i was scared to the point that i dont even have the nerve to get up and pee. the darkness always scared the crap out me, theres always some kind of monster waiting for me in the dark, back in my country we dont have a lot of electrical appliances so when its dark..its realll really dark, almost pitch black. But eventually i got over it when i came to America....how silly was I!!?!?

yeah, good bridge building if i can say that.. but dont be too sure it was only your imagination

I honestly don't recall having anything in my closet or anything under the bed or anything. It is a good statement though. Although many childen's fear of the dark also has to do with the fact that they cannot see. The lights are on and they know where everything in their room is. The second that light is off.. is everything still there? Can you be sure? How? Well turning the light on is a good way. This is just one occurance as to why some children are also afraid of the dark, and I figure it must have been my reason when I was younger...

That is so crazy.. lots of people do that when they're kids. . in fact all pretty much.. a funny thing is.. when i was scared.. i would jump like a few feet from my bed onto my bed.. so my feet werent near the "under" of my bed.. i would also cover up much of me as possible... then i would put my hands under my pillow.. and for some reason i would tuck my thumbs in for safety.. weird i know.. but i guess i used to think "they'd" cut off my thumbs... yes yes.. im weird.. i know!