Something to "lighten" your mind

[krazykemist]

Dark Sucker Theory

For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.

So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.

There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.

This is an oldie but a goodie. It's just one of those things that make you think about things in a different 'light'.

Also after reading the above check out The Dark Sucker Conspiracy to take it to another level.

[BentNotTwisted]

It just makes me think about all the gullible morons out there that believe this bull.

[tecoyah]

I.Q. sucker

[sillygirl]

I think I'm dumber for reading that.

[taylorspl]

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

[glytch]

While of course I don't believe one bit of it, I like it alot. What could it hurt to think of things differently, even if you know it's impossible? Of course though I'd hope that not too many people put faith in this theory, I encourage others to think up their own "dumb ideas".

[shakran]

I haven't seen that in years. It's hilarious. I gave a copy to my physics teacher in high school years ago. He took the idea and ran with it. Reasoned that since no light comes out of black holes, under the darksucker theory they're dark emitters, the opposite of darksuckers, aka light bulbs.

He was kind of a strange guy.

[taylorspl]

Probably a kid toucher, did he have a van?

[krazykemist]

While not a very concrete theory, it still is fun to go to Home Depot and ask them "What aisle are your dark suckers on?".

Does not work as well at Wally World. I asked an associate there and was pointed towards the candy aisle :/

[taylorspl]

Thats because the employees at Wally world are all crackheads, expecially the night crew.

[shakran]

I used to work at Depot in college and I actually got a guy asking me where the darksuckers were. He almost dropped his teeth when I pointed him to the lightbulb aisle.

[Stiltzkin]

Originally posted by taylorspl
Probably a kid toucher, did he have a van?

Brings me back to highschool. My friend David always used to say that the girl right next to us would get kidnapped every day by a guy in a van saying, "Come here little girl, I have candy." David was a weird guy.

Oh, and the light sucker theory? Just plain hilarious. Good for laughs!