a newbie having some social conflicts...with AIM.
 

:( :confused:

Ok, Ok....greetings. this is my first thread, and It's a doozie...

...So here's the problem. Recently, I've come to question the purpose of AIM in my life. Just to give you a clue of how much of a loser I am I will tell you this--I have no car, no job, no girlfriend, and no life.

I recently was sentenced to probation and community service due in part to foolish behavior on my behalf. So I have 3 years probation, 1 year if I show "good progress" I used to be a druggie, but I now painstalkingly sober and have been this way for 8 weeks now.

So enough chatter--on to the problem at hand; lately I've been using AIM a lot, talking to people I've never met, and wasting hours of my time blabbering away--usually about nothing in particular.

Although I'm tempted by the concept of people judging me based upon my personality, I'm also very disillusioned by the thought that these people are the closest thing I have to friends now. My friends have lately been avoiding me due to various immature behaviors I exhibited at their parties--I was tanked half the time, making a jackass of myself.

Also, I have been trying to distance myself from my old friends because they always have drugs with or around them--and I can't afford to give in to temptation. :(

Why the hell do I even bother with AIM? As far as I am concerned, the only friend I have now is a stilted stream of words coming from a person who may or may not be who they claim to be. It's so depressing!

But it's not as though I'm some geek who stays inside all day posting threads like "Captain Kirk is far more intellectual than Spock!" on some nerdy website. I was, at one point, a full-on stoner! a stoner with stoner friends, and stoner hangouts! But now I'm a nobody!!

So, should I--

A: Trash AIM and probably end up falling back into the bad crowd. But hey, it's at least someone to talk to--stoned, maybe--but still a person.

B: Continue talking to people who don't exsist, for all I'm concerned, on AIM. This option includes NOT risking further punishment.

stay online. stay off the drugs.

you'll be able to sort out who online is real & who is phony. i've met some very wonderful people online that i have yet to ever meet in real life & a few of them i would love to meet up with someday. and i have gotten together a few i met online in real life! & it was nice :)

ok. one additional thought. get offline if you can find a real life place to meet people where there won't be a temptation for you to ruin your probation & fall back into trouble.

good luck. stay strong! :)

c: get involved in your community.


beyond your court-ordered service, it'd be a good idea to get involved in groups that act as an outreach to others who are down on their luck, it'll give you something worthwile to do and give you the opputunity to help others while helping yourself. perhaps take a few classes at the community college. you're young, so you should fit right in, maybe find some campus groups that have weekly activities and get-togethers, network yourself out in the same way you did before when you were using, but this time in a postive light. if you apply yourself, you will do fine. if you find yourself struggling, you'll find that the tfp is full of people who are more than willing to give their fellows a hand up and a pat on the back. don't hesitate to ask.

btw, congrats on being clean 8 weeks... keep it up. :)

I would say no to both A and B. It seems you've just replaced your drug habit with AIM as an addiction. Maybe you should get involved in some recovery like Marijuana Anonymous (if that happens to be your drug of choice). It's nice that you've been sober for 8 weeks but it wouldn't surprise me if you just drift back into it without going through a formal rehab/recovery.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of net surfing or chatting on AIM. I find that talking to strangers online can be very interesting, and since they're anonymous they can give good advice and you can easily open up to them. You've done it right here on the boards, right?

I know you said you don't talk about anything in particular, just chatting, but that's fair enough.

As far as them not being who they say they are, that's never bothered me when I talk to strangers on-line. I mean, if they say crazy stuff and are obviously just screwing around and having a good time, then I'll just not talk to them. But if they seem serious and interesting and have things to say, who cares if they're not exactly who they say they are? I always found it interesting anyway.

But as for the more serious things, congratulations for being clean for so long. You're obviously really enthusiastic about staying clean for your own reasons, not like some people who grudgingly go along with it because they're told to stay clean. You've shown willpower and enthusiasm and a strong desire to change things around and you should be really proud.

I think your number one priority right now is to get an interesting job, or even two if you have the time. I know it's hard to find work (I know as well as anyone how hard and depressing and disillusioning it is) but I also believe that things come good in the end. Get a kickass job and then do what others have suggested and take some classes for fun. The more things you do to keep your mind off being depressed the more opportunities are going to open up to you!

OR how about an option C on that?

Get out more, meet real people, do stuff. I spend a lot of time on AIM and enjoy it, the trick is to balance that with other things too so it doesnt become an obsession.

A few years back I was in a pretty bad car wreck. I had just started chatting here and there a few weeks before online. After the wreck I couldn't really do much beyond sitting around the house and healing. So I sat myself in front of my computer and chatted for hours on end. Literally 6+ hours a day. Looking back, it was both good and bad. I met some great people, and they really helped me recover in a way. But I didn't hang out with my friends much. It took me awhile to stop going to chat rooms, but I was glad when I did. Now I message people occassionally. I only talk to one person from those days and he is a very dear friend to me.

Anyway, enough of my story. Like tekaweni said, you have to watch your AIM usage. Don't get sucked in. Make sure to spend time during the day doing things you enjoy.

It sounds like you're trying to make some changes in your life and I konw that is not easy. Congrats on how far you've come so far. Focus on the recovery to your addictions. Once you think you are ready, look for a job. The car will come, as will the other perks in life. Thing is, you have to make an effort. Things won't just land in your lap.

Life sometimes is a struggle, and you've just got to kick its ass :)

Good luck!

It's really great that you recognize the immaturity of your past behavior and are trying to make things right, and that you see the danger of falling in with friends who aren't committed to your recovery.

I second what Phred (and others) have said:

C. get out and meet new people

Find a support group, volunteer somewhere, read to poor kids at the public library, whatever. Go do something that makes you feel good and surrounds you with real, live people. There's nothing wrong with having good friends made on AIM or elsewhere, but there are few substitutes for a flesh-and-blood buddy who can be there for you physically when you need a ride or a hug or a good smack upside the head. So, continue to interact with your AIM friends but expand your world to include people who can be there to support you through what you're going through and help keep you on the path you've chosen.

I agree with all those above except the ones who said to completely quit AIM. Use it like the tool it is. Apparently you have found people you enjoy conversing with so keep at it. I agree that anything can be taken to extremes so set limit sfor yourself.

Find places you can go that are drug free. Get away from the PC everyday. If nothing else take a walk. Get outside, its amazing what being outdoors can accomplish.

people.. face to face... gotta go with the rest of the group on that one...

i like that c option