Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - Completely random tips for the home and what not

- Tilted Life (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-life/)

- - Completely random tips for the home and what not (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-life/149539-completely-random-tips-home-what-not.html)

Completely random tips for the home and what not

Use hot water when filling ice cube trays. Hot water freezes faster.
If you get a fly infestation in your house (like in the summer from going in and out the back door,) place a big glass of white wine in the main room where they seem to be gathering. Overnight, you'll have a glass of wine and dead flies.
Collect leftover coffee from the mornings in a pitcher in the fridge for iced coffee later in the day. **the key to good iced coffee is enough sweetener, syrup / creamer and STRONG coffee**
Don't throw out melted, morphed / old scented candles. Get a tart warmer or oil burner and place broken pieces in there to scent your home.
Pill organizers suck. Buy bead / clasp organizers over in the crafts section to keep your pills sorted and in place in their compartments.

k u go

• Remember that insulation may seem expensive at first but if you're a homeowner it's going to save you a boatload of money in the long run and increase the value of your home.
• Having a clean and uncluttered attic means that the air can flow more easily which will also reduce the cost of cooling during the summer.
• Want to cut the cost of refrigerating your food? Consider thinking of refrigeration through the lens of thermodynamics. Chest fridges that open from the top let out very little cold air when you open them because cold air drops and warm air rises. Every time you open an upright fridge, you're letting out all that cold air you paid via your electrical bill to make. Check this out: Chest fridge
• Instead of spending lots of money on an air freshener or filter, consider buying a few houseplants. A few strategically placed Feston Rose plants or some Devil's Ivy can serve to remove common pollutants and will leave your house smelling fresh and clean without having to spray chemicals everywhere or replace hepa filters every year.
• If you're having trouble with pests invading your garden and aren't interested in using chemicals, consider trying to attract local predators to deal with them. Cats deal with mice and small rodents, and many kinds of birds deal with insects. All you really need is to put out milk now and again or put in a bird bath and feeder.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs (Post 2671006)

[LIST][*]Use hot water when filling ice cube trays. Hot water freezes faster.

Not really. VERY hot water freezes faster than FAIRLY hot water, but they all freeze slower than cold water.
The Straight Dope: Which freezes faster, hot water or cold water?

I know debunking household mythology isn't the point of the thread, so sorry about that. I'll come up with some random tips and post them as quick as I can. ;)

A fruit fly trap that's more sanitary than just a glass of wine: Put some balsamic vinegar in a jar with a bit of water. Cover the jar with a piece of plastic wrap. Poke holes large enough for fruit flies to get in but not get out. Voila.

Stinky shoes? Put a 1/4 cup or so of baking soda in the center of a washcloth. Add tea tree or eucalyptus essential oil to the baking soda. Twist the washcloth so the baking soda won't get out, and tuck inside your stinky shoe. Alternately, using a clean sock and knotting it off works.

Most of my household hints come from How Clean is Your House? Thanks, Kim and Aggie!

And will, cats will also hunt spiders and flies (in addition to the usual rodents), if you have a feisty enough cat. One of ours will jump 4 feet in the air to catch a fly. Very cool to see!

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowy (Post 2671025)

Poke holes large enough for fruit flies to get in but not get out.

What?

Sorry. I mean, I know I'm now officially the Grinch who Stole This Thread, but...

What??

Do the fruit flies expand while in the jar? I'm interested in this, because I've got fruit flies like crazy in my house, but I'm having a hard time visualizing one-way fruit fly holes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid (Post 2671031)

They will fit through a smaller hole going in, but need a larger hole trying to get out, I guess. You want to make it small enough so that they'll go into the jar but not be able to escape easily. I used a finishing nail to poke holes in my plastic. Most of them will drown in the water/vinegar solution regardless.

Does that make sense? It's hot here, and I'm afraid my brain is fried. Seriously, though, this works like a charm.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willravel (Post 2671011)

• If you're having trouble with pests invading your garden and aren't interested in using chemicals, consider trying to attract local predators to deal with them. Cats deal with mice and small rodents, and many kinds of birds deal with insects. All you really need is to put out milk now and again or put in a bird bath and feeder.

-If you're going to have an outdoor cat have the common fucking decency to get it spayed/neutered so your neighbors don't have to worry about cats pissing and crying everywhere or kittens under their porches and decks. Your pets are yours alone and not 'the neigborhoods'. I get a little upset when a cat that isn't mine is in my fenced in yard, double that if they're pregnant, or if they have tags. (Can you tell I'm getting irritated with some of my neighbors)

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowy (Post 2671036)

My guess would be that they walk & drop in, but try to fly out, so a whole small enough they can fit through crawling but not fly out of would be the right size.

-Most caulking and tar (say on your roof) needs to be replaced every 5-10 years. This can be done cheaply and easily by anyone and will go a long way to preventing 'hidden' leaks.

-Plant a Garden. This is a biggie, take some of your perfectly manicured lawn or even a window flower box and plant a tomato plant, & keep adding every year till you figure out what you can use and manage. The plants cost pennies compared to what you would pay for fruit/veggies at the store and are surprising easy to grow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hektore (Post 2671067)

-If [you're] going to have an outdoor cat have the common fucking decency to get it spayed/neutered so your neighbors don't have to worry about cats pissing and crying everywhere or kittens under their porches and decks. Your pets are yours alone and not 'the neigborhoods'. I get a little upset when a cat that isn't mine is in my fenced in yard, double that if they're pregnant, or if they have tags. (Can you tell I'm getting irritated with some of my neighbors).

I'm not suggesting getting a cat, I'm suggesting attracting neighborhood cats to enjoy your yard and chase away small rodents.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willravel (Post 2671081)

I'm not suggesting getting a cat, I'm suggesting attracting neighborhood cats to enjoy your yard and chase away small rodents.

Sorry, that wasn't directed at you, I just get a little angry with people who have 'outdoor' cats, particularly in crowded neighborhoods like mine. It's like they don't realize their neighbors may not want a cat pissing all over everything and shredding their patio furniture.

For the kitchen: Print common conversions and substitutions for recipes, and tape the page to the inside of a cabinet door. We have two pages, one with substitutions and conversions, and another that's a quick reference of recipes we cook often but not often enough to memorize.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hektore (Post 2671100)

This is a good opportunity for you to try out my advice.

Buy a rottweiler. :thumbsup:

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowy (Post 2671036)

No, I thought hard about this, and I figured out this justification for it: On the way IN, the alluring scent of the bait draws them right to the teeny hole. On the attempt to get OUT, there's no such "hole here" signal, and it's harder for them to find it.

For sure I see houseflies bumping their stupid heads against my windows all day when there's a door open right next to it. Maybe "go in" is an easy concept for an insect, while "go out" is hard?

- if you have ants, find out where they are getting in and put garlic powder there to stop them, ants hate it and it's safe and non toxic.

- put your used tea bags and used coffee grounds into your plant soil.

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeeeb (Post 2671129)

- put your used tea bags and used coffee grounds into your plant soil.

Good idea!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willravel (Post 2671011)

Instead of spending lots of money on an air freshener or filter, consider buying a few houseplants.

Funny.
I recently dropped a bit of cash on about 6 large houseplants for this reason. Snake plants are supposed to be good for this, from what I understand. So I have one near an intake vent. Not sure if I see any difference but I gotta say the house looks great with some outdoorziness indoors.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid (Post 2671019)

Not really. VERY hot water freezes faster than FAIRLY hot water, but they all freeze slower than cold water...

I know debunking household mythology isn't the point of the thread, so sorry about that. I'll come up with some random tips and post them as quick as I can. ;)

:mad:

lol Actually I'm one of those people with a poor white folk refrigerator - no ice maker. I've truly seen a difference using hot water in place of cold water. I'll admit, I am a bit crazy but I swear my ice freezes faster with hot lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowy (Post 2671025)

No - not fruit flies. Black flies. My neighbors and I have a serious problem with them here. I thought it was because of my dog's poo in the backyard but neighbors with no dogs have the same issues. And oddly enough, they all migrate to the master bathroom in the front of the house.

I learned the wine glass trick by accident, if you wanna know the truth lol. Had some friends over one night and left out a glass of wine overnight in the kitchen. The next morning, the glass was full o' flies.

I have a dog and 2 cats so I prefer not to use chemical sprays. I keep a strip of fly paper in the master bath all the time as I don't do this wine dealie often unless I have swarms of the fuckers which does happen every so often. Plus I have to admit, there's this horribly, evil part of me that enjoys watching them struggle in the glue of the trap. But because of the animals, I don't want fly paper all over the house fearing one falls down and gets tangled up in their fur lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hektore (Post 2671067)

-If you're going to have an outdoor cat have the common fucking decency to get it spayed/neutered...

http://img17.imageshack.us/img17/3640/5starsx.gif

Keep bottled water in your car at all times for drinking. Just do it. There will be a time you're stranded either with car problems or in traffic when you will feel like ripping the head off a puppy for a drink of water.
Probably mainly for the womenz, but I highly recommend keeping a little bit of everything, medicine-wise, in your purse at all times. It's always when you don't have Gas-X or Midol or something when you seriously need it. Men, you can keep your Tums or Viagra or whatever in your briefcase.
Old cd's scare away birds from your garden. Hang 1 or 2 like windchimes. I currently have a 'Stop Smoking' cd outside that I've never listened to. :o

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs (Post 2671195)

Keep bottled water in your car at all times for drinking. Just do it. There will be a time you're stranded either with car problems or in traffic when you will feel like ripping the head off a puppy for a drink of water.

Depends on your climate. I've read that bottles of water that are always changing temperatures (especially if they get hot) release some nasty chemicals from the plastic into the water.

Now, leaving the house with a bottle of water makes sense. But I've found that I save a ton of money by buying a Brita faucet filter. I bought one for $18 on sale at Target 8 months ago, and replace the filters every 3 months - they're very inexpensive buying by the 2-pack ($16) at Amazon.com. I just re-use Gatorade bottles to carry it around, or chill in the fridge. Compare that to buying 6 cases of water a month at $5 per case.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hektore (Post 2671100)

They realize it - they just choose to accept it as a better option to buying and cleaning a litter box. I have no use for any cat that uses my yard as its toilet. Or for neighbors who allow it, for that matter. A few years ago I also had to throw out some wicker patio furniture because the next door neighbor's cat used it as a scratching post.

If you're having a problem with bees or wasps, a 1/4-full bottle of cola will act as a good trap - they come in for the sweet smell, and drown. And it's cheaper than wine!

To keep lint and dust off glass top tables, wash them in a solution of warm water and fabric softener (one tablespoon of fabric softener to one quart of warm water). The fabric softener will clean the glass and will help keep dust from gathering on the glass. Also great for older glass TV and computer screens.

For cleaning your garbage disposal, use ice cubes. Grease will stick to the ice and wash away. Follow up with a few lemon peels if you have any.

Got a lot of nail holes in your walls? Fill them with toothpaste and wipe smooth with a damp rag or sponge.

I learned this one when I lived in Houston, where it seems that rain on weekends is mandatory - if you absolutely, positively have to mow your lawn when the grass is wet, spray the blades and insides with a vegetable oil spray. It'll keep the grass from clumping on the blades and mower.

Got a bee sting? Mix the contents of a couple Benadryl capsules and the same amount of baking soda. Add just enough water to make a thick paste, and apply. The baking soda will neutralize the formic acid in the venom; the Benadryl will slow the allergic reaction and swelling.

This one is specific to desert-dwellers - ever bump into a cactus and get dozens (or hundreds) of tiny hair-like needles in your skin? Don't waste your time with tweezers - Apply a generous amount of Elmer's Glue to the area. Let it dry, then peel it away.

^^GOOD ones!

I'm so damn proud of myself with this one...

Someone on the forum mentioned Lush girly products, which reminded me I've been meaning to try them. Months ago, another girl on a different forum told me she orders from the UK to save $. Didn't make sense to me until now ---

USA total w/shipping = $69.58
UK total w/shipping = $30.81

So I'll have to wait longer to receive my products but fuck me! Talk about savings w00t! I'm thinking this little method should apply to various other items as well?

Not only do I re-use water bottles, I mix Crystal Light of different flavors and sometimes add a bit of OJ to the lemon ones - for a great low cal drink that I take everywhere.

It cuts down on recycling soda pop bottles (and saves lots of $). Plus these taste good!

Good tips, here are some more and some alternates to some posted.

For cactus, fiber glass or any other prickly situation use tape to extract the irritants. I start with masking tape and if that doesn't do the trick, move to duct tape.

For bee stings, pack mud on the wound (the more clay the better) it'll extract the venom and the stinger.

Tampons! Oh the many uses, my fav is for sealing gun shot wounds after those late night trips to the hood. (really, I have a friend who's a former Marshall that keeps a box in his ready kit in the truck of his car).

Water bottles leach all kinds of nasty chemicals into the water when re-used. Instead buy a filter for your faucet and some Nalgene water bottles. Nalgene doesn't leach and most counter top filter will give you cleaner water than what you can buy pre-bottled (and far cheaper .03 cents a gallon vs over a dollar). Read the label on the next bottle of water you buy. Most are bottled in major US cities where what was flushed down the toilet last week is coming out of the faucet today.

Coffee, who can live without it? Try cold brewing coffee. You can store it in the fridge for up to a week and mix a cup to your taste, from high test caffeine nirvana to a nice light brew. Unless you drink the whole pot every time you brew, this will save you a lot of coffee too. Oh and it's far less bitter and acidic than hot brewed coffee.
Here's my method: 6 cups of coffee grounds (approx 1 lb use a coarse grind for a drip brew or french press) and 9 cups of water in a gallon jug (I cut 1/4 of the top off of a Costco milk jug, the square ones, for easy access). I alternate water and coffee a cup at a time going in so it's well mixed, then top off with the remainder of the water and push down with a spoon so all the grounds are soaked. Cover with a towel and let sit 12-24hrs at room temp. Then pour through a gold filter (the washable kind, doesn't have to be gold) into a 1 gallon sun tea jar (I like the ones with the spout on the bottom for easy dispensing) and store in the fridge. To make a cup adjust the ratio to you liking, but start with 4 parts water to 1 part coffee concentrate. Heated water for hot coffee, cold water for iced coffee. (Works for tea too) No more wasted coffee and if you have an electric kettle, coffee is never more than 5 minutes away. WOOHOO!

Super glue, hands down the best way to seal a cut or a wound short of requiring stitches. Just apply a small amount of super glue to the wound and hold shut for several seconds. Seals instantly and usually heals with no scare.

B

Good point about reusing plastic bottles because of BPA - I limit my refills to about 5 per bottle, then they go into the recycling bin. But I buy a couple bottles of Gatorade a week anyway, so that keeps me in pretty constant supply. My wife drinks a lot of water because she takes a lot of medications, so even with the filter, we buy a case of water every other month to keep up a fresh bottle supply.

I used to get tired of always running the dishwasher (I hate to waste water!!) every other day -- until I started using a full second set of dishes during in my household.

We are just two people, both working & using the extra dish set cuts back on unfull loads and my time putting them all back on the shelves. Makes life so much easeir.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs (Post 2671006)

..........If you get a fly infestation in your house ....... place a big glass of white wine in the main room where they seem to be gathering. Overnight, you'll have a glass of wine and dead flies..........

black flies in your chardonnay? isn't that ironic?

---------- Post added at 06:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:11 PM ----------

i don't know how often you kill people in your living room, but meat tenderizer gets blood stains out pretty effectively, especially if you put it on a fresh stain.

cat litter is great to clean up the oil spills and gas spills in your driveway from your shitty leaking car.

For paper wasps or pretty much any wasps- A teaspoon or two of dishwashing detergent in a gallon of water in a garden pump-up sprayer works as well as the high priced wasp killer. Stops them dead in their tracks. (sorry, their flight)
Same mixture with water works great for fleas on your pets. (use lemon or citrus detergent)
Tobacco works well for bee stings. (just rub it on)

Saved my best for last. When you leave the gas in your small engine, lawn mower, chain saw, weed eater etc, all winter and it won't start in the spring, try adding 1 cap full of gas treatment in the tank and spraying starting fluid in the air cleaner or carb. When the engine starts the gas treatment (STP etc) will raise the octane, keep it running and usually clean the carb out and save you about 45 bucks. If it doesn't start you probably have no spark and need to clean or replace the spark plug. This has saved me many a trip to the repair shop because of my own negligence. Easy to avoid by running all fuel out of your small engines by running all the gas out in the Fall. Easy to avoid but hard to remember.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hunnychile (Post 2671264)

Not only do I re-use water bottles, I mix Crystal Light of different flavors and sometimes add a bit of OJ to the lemon ones - for a great low cal drink that I take everywhere.

My new favorite flavor. Plus it has CAFFEINE yay!

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...A280_SH20_.jpg

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeeeb (Post 2671476)

black flies in your chardonnay? isn't that ironic?

aaaha!

That never even dawned on me lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hektore (Post 2671100)

good lead in for my tip...

If you want to keep cats away from something put orange peels by it... cats dont like the citrus smell... I got tired of my cats knocking over my potted plants, so now I put any orange peels next to the pots and the cats leave them alone....

Cool, I never knew this. One of mine has been snacking on my greens. Yes I know certain plants are poisonous, etc.

Use Miracle-Gro.
Make it a habit to scandisk and defrag at least once / month.
Always trim the wicks on candles - new and old. I had a fire once from a wick that was too long that fell over in the melted wax, creating two huge flames. Keep them short before lighting.
Watch cartoons http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8966/icon11.png.
Have at least one very expensive decorative item (depending on what you can afford,) in every room of your home. Good vibes every time you look at it.
Before reversing the rotation of your ceiling fans at the start of colder / warmer seasons, clean the blades. Trust me on this lol.

Don't touch your eyes after handling tomato plants.

:(

One thing nobody mentioned for the don'ts part....

Never mix bleach and ammonia.

On the do's, keep a old toothbrush next to the kitchen sink. Never know when there's something small that you just can't get to.

Cat litter. You don't have to buy the expensive kind. I've found a bottle of stuff that you can shake into your box that neutralizes the smell and it's lavender. I like lavander lol

Lighter fluid is good at removing those stupid stickers they put on the bottom of pots and pans. You're going to be washing the thing anyway, might as well make it easier to get the sticker off. Alcohol will always work. I've heard nail polish remover does, but I don't have nails long enough to polish.

If you have room in your car, put a pillow and blanket. Doesn't have to be large ones, but sometimes someone in the car will be too cold from the A/C. And help full if you want a nap when on long trips and stopping at a rest stop on the highway.

If your cat will let you, mine won't, latex gloves no powder, will help remove the hair. Also works good on clothes and furniture if you can't find your lint brush.

And I've probably mentioned the most silliest things I've come up with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suzz04 (Post 2688887)

If your cat will let you, mine won't, latex gloves no powder, will help remove the hair. Also works good on clothes and furniture if you can't find your lint brush.

I have a pair of Playtex gloves just for removing cat hair from my furniture :) What I like to do is use the gloves then go over it with the lint roller. Makes the roller more efficient.

If you use Glade Plug-Ins or what not, make sure you pull them out of the wall when the oil's dried up. Some friends of my parents recently had a fire in their home when one overheated. I couldn't believe it. Never thought something like that could be so dangerous.

ooh glad i don't use the plug in stuff. i bought one of those misting types. set it for the highest amount of time. was the only one i found a scent that kill me and cause me to close up on breathing.

now if the kid would just stop using perfume. this has been a on going argument for years. but it finally got settled to her putting it on at the downstairs door so it'd not be in the apartment. i like breathing. it helps me live. :rolleyes:

At least take the time to do a quick Google search of '[product name] reviews' before you buy something. Don't let confirmation bias sneak in and convince you to believe the one guy who gave it five stars when 65 gave it one, he's either a troll or someone the manufacturer sent out to give their product good reviews. Multiple identical reviews are marketing people or bots.

College students: If you don't think your dorm room smells funny, you are the smell.

Infomercial and As Seen on TV product sales people will not pick up a product and sell it unless they feel they can sell a minimum of 10,000 units, and the typical markup is over 500%. You can get something just as good as most of them for a lot cheaper, and the ones that you can't are probably so crappy that nobody bothered to copy them. Billy Mays would never sell you a product he wouldn't buy himself, but you can get cheap versions of stuff like Oxy Clean at any discount store.

The Sham Wow is just a chamois. You can get the same thing at Wal Mart for $7 because you're not paying for Vince's meth addiction. Yes, it does work, the reason yours didn't is because you didn't wet it and wring it out first. Also, don't put it in the dryer.

Hydrogen peroxide gets wet or dry blood stains out. Test it on an inconspicuous area first. No, under the couch is not an inconspicuous area, your wife will eventually rearrange the furniture.

When you get new carpeting installed, ask the installer for a few remnant scraps so you can have an inconspicuous area to test cleaners on when someone spills something.

To clean your microwave, put half a cup of baking soda in a cup of water, microwave it until it boils over, and sue the hot gritty residue to scrub off all the hardened on food. Then use the rest to clean laminate countertops. Do not use it to clean stone countertops.

When baking soda just doesn't take care of the stench coming from your shoes, fill a spray bottle with rubbing alcohol and soak the insides. Let them air dry and the bacteria will all be dead.

Your feet will smell a lot better if you use the hairdryer on them for a minute after you towel dry them.

If you are out of college, don't hang posters on your walls unless they're autographed originals or you worked on the movie and have them in your office. In that case, they should be in a tasteful frame.

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowy (Post 2671036)

The fruit fly trap I use is vinegar with a paper cone taped in so they can go down the cone but have a hard time finding the way out. Apple cider vinegar worked well for me, we had an infestation, and I was literally pouring out a sludge of dead fruit flies every morning.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs (Post 2671195)

lol Actually I'm one of those people with a poor white folk refrigerator - no ice maker. I've truly seen a difference using hot water in place of cold water. I'll admit, I am a bit crazy but I swear my ice freezes faster with hot lol.

Hot water freezes faster in some circumstances, but the likely reason in most household freezers is that the low temperature and humidity lowers the vapor pressure of water enough that a significant amount evaporates.

Quote:

Originally Posted by yournamehere (Post 2671249)

Depends on your climate. I've read that bottles of water that are always changing temperatures (especially if they get hot) release some nasty chemicals from the plastic into the water.

This is mostly a myth, but Nalgene bottles have been BPA-free for a while now, and combining one of those with a filter filtered pitcher is a lot more environmentally friendly and cheaper.

Speaking of Brita pitchers, put it under the faucet and set it to a trickle while you do something else. Come back in 5 minutes and it will be full instead of filling the top, letting it fill halfway, refilling the top, waiting again, and refilling the top once more before putting it in the fridge.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs (Post 2688458)

Don't touch your eyes after handling tomato plants.

:(

Don't touch your face or genitals for at least an hour after cutting peppers. Don't touch anyone else's either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suzz04 (Post 2688887)

One thing nobody mentioned for the don'ts part....

Never mix bleach and ammonia.

More general than that, just don't mix any household cleaners. Even if it's safe, if they didn't work, people wouldn't buy them, and if a combination product worked better, their teams of industrial chemists and professional testers would have figured it out and sold it to you in a new and improved form that costs more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs (Post 2671195)

No - not fruit flies. Black flies.

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flies.png

oh my dear god.... it is not good to almost die of laughter with the household asleep at 6am. that strip just .... it's just one those "how many times did mother say this .. or that?" i told my daughter for years she was going break something.. a arm.. leg.. well... i shut up and quit saying stop doing that you're gonna break something. she falls rollerskating and breaks her arm *rolleyes*

back to op, did anyone mention using newspapers to clean car windows?

Don't think so - but I've heard of that before.

Here you go:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Viz Comic

Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater.

Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

Buy a television set exactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.

MOTORISTS. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off.

Cheer loudly at 8.00pm each Saturday to fool the neighbours into thinking you have won the Lottery.

Girls. Next time you feel like throwing a ball over-arm, don't, because you can't and it just looks silly. Just throw it girlie under-arm style, and no-one will laugh at you, or get hurt.

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.

Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.

Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y,

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

Pass yourself off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails and talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly, or set fire to someone else's house.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead

When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead General Infirmary

Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.

Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.

A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.

Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.

Deter goldfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any that you catch in the act.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. Sister S., Berwick

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower. - B. Johnson, Canada

Sweetcorn fans. Save money on loo paper by simply pouring the stuff straight down the pan.

Pretend you`re a giant panda by giving yourself two black eyes, eating only bamboo shoots and refusing to have sex with the missus.

Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.

Manchester United fans. Avoid an asymetrical bulge in your right arm by masturbating furiously with your left arm too.

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.

Weedy fellas. Develop a right forearm like Arnold Schwarzeneggar by buying one of those Cindy Crawford workout videos.

Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one.

Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they`re always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc `tastes exactly like the real thing`, they won`t know any difference.

Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you`d no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of `rodeo sex`. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her jugs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can `stay mounted` for.

Drivers. Pressing the headlight switch for a second time dips the buggers.

HGV drivers. When climbing a long hill at 20 mph, the lane to drive in is the LEFT fucking one.

FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the kerb.

DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

BOMB disposal experts' wives. Keep hubby on his toes by packing his lunchbox with plasticine and an old alarm clock.

SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.

AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.

DON'T INVITE DRUG ADDICTS round for a meal on boxing day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

WHEN reading a book try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity.

BUS DRIVERS. Pretend you're an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus chatting casually to the passengers.

SAVE petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.

LOSE weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

WHEN throwing someone a sharp instrument such as a Stanley knife, or bread knife, always throw it blade first as they invariably tend to turn whilst in the air.

AVOID being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the boot until you return.

SMELL gas? Locate the suspected leak by striking an ordinary match in every room in the house until a loud explosion reveals the source of the escaping gas.

TAXI drivers. Why not pop into the garage and ask them to fix your indicators lights for you so that other motorists know where the heck you're going.

PENSIONERS. Try sitting on a pile of encyclopedias next time you go for a drive in your car. That way you will be able to see out of the front window.

OLD contact lenses make ideal 'portholes' for small model boats.

INCREASE the life of your carpets by rolling them up and keeping them in the garage.

TAKE your dustbin to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of.

MAKE shopkeepers feel like criminals and con men by carefully checking their change and holding bank notes up to the light before accepting them.

SAVE on charity donations by spending a pound on clothes at a charity shop, then selling them for 50p to another charity shop. This way you can give twice as much, at half the cost. I think.

NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

EXPENSIVE hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.

APPLY red nail varnish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting varnish should be selected).

PUTTING just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.

Dyslexics. Try deliberately spelling words wrongly. This way at least you have a chance of spelling them correctly.

Bearded men can obtain the appearance of an upper class Arctic explorer by simply applying Tippex to their beards, painting their noses blue, and cutting off a couple of toes. It never fails to impress the girls.

Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend's arse, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.

Pretend to be Welsh by putting coal dust behind your ears, talking gibberish and singing all the time.

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

Make people think you have an expensive car phone by calling them, asking them to repeat everything they say and then hanging up half way through their reply.

Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on boxing day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

Make bathtimes as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.

Make guests believe your home might be bugged by running your hands under tables and inside lampshades, then turning the shower on every time you want to speak.

Increase blind people's electricity bills by switching all their lights on when their guide dog isn't looking.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

Make your girlfriend cry when you're having sex by phoning her up and telling her.

Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a sand pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

Bus drivers. Pretend you're an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus chatting casually to the passengers.

International master criminals. Tell your guards to shoot James Bond in the head at the first opportunity. Under no circumstances give him a guided tour of your base, or leave him in the custody of attractive women in bikinis.

KING-sized Mars bars make ideal normal-sized Mars bars, for giants. NORMAL-sized Mars bars make ideal king-sized Mars bars for dwarfs, as well as fun-sized ones for giants.

FUN-sized Mars Bars make ideal normal sized Mars Bars for midgets.

PEOPLE whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name plaque for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job.

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeeeb (Post 2671129)

put your used tea bags and used coffee grounds into your plant soil.

and pretty much anything else organise that comes out of the kitchen (potato peels, etc.). All this can/should be composted and shouldn't go into the garbage.

Your dishwasher is great for sanitizing beer bottles. And if you put your bottling bucket on the cabinet above the dishwasher, you can fill the bottles on the lid making cleanup easier.

Never let a single dish / bowl / spoon collect in your sink. Just put it right in the dishwasher. I'll never understand how people always end up with a sink full of dishes at the day's end (unless there was a party or something.)