advice needed...relationship - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Martian · 07-12-2008, 10:22 PM

First of all, you're an idiot. Don't worry, it isn't terminal.

If there's been no sex, no sloppy makeouts and no formal Declaration of Intent, you are not dating this girl. Period. Exclamation point. End of story.

Also, physically close means different things to different people and is a vague term. Are we talking in the same room? Sharing a sofa? Sharing a loveseat? A recliner? Dry humping? This is an important distinction since she'll interpret the cues differently in different situations (and in the latter case you may need therapy).

Whether it's one-sided or not is entirely dependent on your perspective. You have no idea what she's getting out of the relationship. Perhaps she enjoys your company and doesn't consider it one-sided in the least. Shocking idea, I know. I'm guessing you haven't discussed the issue with her and so you have no idea what's going through that pretty little head of hers.

So here's what you do. Kiss her. Man up. If you can't work up the necessary intestinal fortitude to do that, at least ask her out on a date (and make it clear that's what it is). As a rule, women are more perceptive about these things than men and chances are she already knows your interested and has made her decision anyway. You have absolutely nothing to gain by putting things off at this point, so just fucking do it. I promise the world won't end if she rejects you. In all probability not even your friendship will, so long as you're not weird about it afterwards (I am friends with several ladies who have either rejected me or been rejected by me). Once you have an answer you can stop obsessing about it, and if the answer's no you can cross that particular option off your mental list and get on with your life. So be Nike and Just Do It.

To my readership (and particularly a certain snowy owl) -- I know, pot and kettle. Cut me some slack here, I'm an emotional trainwreck. It's a requirement for membership in the musician club, and we get such spiffy jackets.

World's King · 07-12-2008, 11:04 PM

Nothing of what you've said here makes sense. Thanks for that.

Stare At The Sun · 07-12-2008, 11:11 PM

Just ask her out.

Seems simple enough to me?

But your post is rather confusing.

Pholeus · 07-14-2008, 12:54 PM

From what you've described, it sounds like you're still at the friends stage with her, not dating. You haven't even kissed her.

Ask her out. Make your intentions clear. You never know what might happen.

shesus · 07-14-2008, 01:38 PM

This is quite a vague entry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkmilk

this is my first 'venture' into something like this

what is 'this' exactly? first time dating, first girlfriend, first time moving from friendship to girlfriend?

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkmilk

The whole dating thing seems a bit one sided - but i guess, give more expect less is on the agenda?

Who's giving more? You said she was supporting you through your crisis. I'm not sure what's being given and who is doing the expecting.

However, those points mean nothing until you do what the others here have said. Ask her our and clear this issue up. It sounds like you're in a hazy mess and that is no place to be.

Jozen-Bo · 07-14-2008, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkmilk

Hi all, sorry if this is the wrong forum to post this stuff in.

I've been 'dating' this girl I like very much for a while now and I am not so sure how to progress further in this relationship.

A while back my life got turned into absolute shite, and that's about the period where her and me got close. She was supporting me the whole way kind of thing.

The whole dating thing seems a bit one sided - but i guess, give more expect less is on the agenda?

We do get quite close (physically) at times, in private - no kiss/sex

Officially, I haven't asked her out yet.

this is my first 'venture' into something like this...i dont want to stuff it up.

any hints? sorry if i am vague..

There is no formula for success with relationships, each individual is just that. Go with your gut feelings...unless they make you so nervous that you fall apart...but if she is the same way it should work out.

Good Luck!!!

milkmilk · 07-17-2008, 04:15 AM

dlish · 07-17-2008, 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by World's King

Nothing of what you've said here makes sense. Thanks for that.

great, he'll fit right in then!

seriously though, i feel like im back in high school reading your post...

07-12-2008, 09:44 PM	#1 (permalink)
milkmilk Upright	advice needed...relationship .. Last edited by milkmilk; 02-17-2011 at 04:35 AM..

07-12-2008, 10:22 PM	#2 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	First of all, you're an idiot. Don't worry, it isn't terminal. If there's been no sex, no sloppy makeouts and no formal Declaration of Intent, you are not dating this girl. Period. Exclamation point. End of story. Also, physically close means different things to different people and is a vague term. Are we talking in the same room? Sharing a sofa? Sharing a loveseat? A recliner? Dry humping? This is an important distinction since she'll interpret the cues differently in different situations (and in the latter case you may need therapy). Whether it's one-sided or not is entirely dependent on your perspective. You have no idea what she's getting out of the relationship. Perhaps she enjoys your company and doesn't consider it one-sided in the least. Shocking idea, I know. I'm guessing you haven't discussed the issue with her and so you have no idea what's going through that pretty little head of hers. So here's what you do. Kiss her. Man up. If you can't work up the necessary intestinal fortitude to do that, at least ask her out on a date (and make it clear that's what it is). As a rule, women are more perceptive about these things than men and chances are she already knows your interested and has made her decision anyway. You have absolutely nothing to gain by putting things off at this point, so just fucking do it. I promise the world won't end if she rejects you. In all probability not even your friendship will, so long as you're not weird about it afterwards (I am friends with several ladies who have either rejected me or been rejected by me). Once you have an answer you can stop obsessing about it, and if the answer's no you can cross that particular option off your mental list and get on with your life. So be Nike and Just Do It. To my readership (and particularly a certain snowy owl) -- I know, pot and kettle. Cut me some slack here, I'm an emotional trainwreck. It's a requirement for membership in the musician club, and we get such spiffy jackets. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

07-12-2008, 11:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Nothing of what you've said here makes sense. Thanks for that. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

07-17-2008, 04:15 AM	#8 (permalink)
milkmilk Upright	.. Last edited by milkmilk; 02-17-2011 at 04:34 AM..

07-12-2008, 11:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
Stare At The Sun Eh? Location: Somewhere over the rainbow	Just ask her out. Seems simple enough to me? But your post is rather confusing.

07-14-2008, 12:54 PM	#5 (permalink)
Pholeus Upright Location: Irvine, CA	From what you've described, it sounds like you're still at the friends stage with her, not dating. You haven't even kissed her. Ask her out. Make your intentions clear. You never know what might happen.