Funeral Dress

[Gatorade Frost]

A friend of mine's mom passed away a few days ago and the memorial service is tomorrow evening.

Right now I don't have any clothes for it, and I don't really know what to wear to a funeral.

Would a suit, white shirt and black tie be right on for it, or the suit without the coat or what?

[maleficent]

Black is supposed to be the color of mourning... but that i think has gone the way of brides having to wear a white wedding dress.

Wear something respectful... Going to the funeral and being there to support your friend is way more important than what you wear...

However PC Maleficent says wearing shorts and flip flops isn't all that appropriate, unless of course the family is wearing that because it was the mom's favorite outfit...

If you have a suit, that's fine.. otherwise a button shirt and trousers is perfectly fine.

[CaliLivChick]

I agree with Mal, wear something respectful.

The way you've spoken about your family in chat, if your friend's family is as conservative as that, go with the suit if it fits, and if it's dark. Wear something dark for sure, if the suit doesn't fit. The white shirt is okay, as long as the pants and jacket are dark.

The dark purple pimp suit wouldn't work, but that was taken care of by the respectful part. Dark blue, brown, or black would all work (sorry, had to add a little bit of levity... funerals and talking about them make me a little nervous).

[thingstodo]

As they say, you can never be over-dressed. A suit is always perfect at a funeral unless it is a loud color. You don't need a black or navy suit, just something business-like. Even a navy blazer is fine. Viewings are usually a little more casual but again, that never over dressed thing applies.

And as someone else said, being there is absolutely the most important thing. I would rather someone talk about me being dressed poorly for a funeral than to wonder why I didn't show up!

[Gatorade Frost]

Well, I don't know this girl very well, I'm friends with her through band for two years, but she's just exceptionally nice so I thought it would be good to go to her mother's memorial service (an e-mail got sent out to a lot of people and one of the peopel asked me to go with her) so I don't know.

I'm really kinda nervous because like I said, I don't really know this girl or her family, so being at her mother's funeral is kind of akward for me.

[Psycho Dad]

We buried my mother in October. People wore everything from suits to blue jeans and I appreciated them just being there. Be it a wedding, funeral or birthday party, I’d regret not having anyone I loved or cared about not feel welcome because they worried they did not have the proper attire. If you wish to pay your respects go and do so. Unless you show up dressed for the beach, I doubt anyone in the immediate family will notice. Anyone who would take issue to what you wore within reason I would suspect a busybody.

[Charlatan]

If you have a suit and tie, I would wear it. But as Pycho Dad points out the point is to be there and show your respect.

[maleficent]

Originally Posted by Gatorade Frost

Well, I don't know this girl very well, I'm friends with her through band for two years, but she's just exceptionally nice so I thought it would be good to go to her mother's memorial service (an e-mail got sent out to a lot of people and one of the peopel asked me to go with her) so I don't know.

I'm really kinda nervous because like I said, I don't really know this girl or her family, so being at her mother's funeral is kind of akward for me.

Go... you'll be doing a good deed and showinng support for a nice person who's going thru a rough time... you don't have to say anything.. just a simple hello to the family, or an I'm sorry for your loss...
I'm sure your friend will appreciate seeing some friendly faces there...

[Gatorade Frost]

Yeah, funerals make me very uncomfortable.

I'm going, though. I think I'm going to go a little more casual since it's at a funeral home and it's going to be a memorial service (she died 10 days ago apparently) so I think khakis, brown shoes, white shirt, and tie would be good?

[ratbastid]

Originally Posted by maleficent

However PC Maleficent says wearing shorts and flip flops isn't all that appropriate, unless of course the family is wearing that because it was the mom's favorite outfit...

Wow, man... Suddenly I'm over here crying...

A few years back a good friend of mine named John died. I journaled about his life and death <a href="http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/journal.php?do=showentry&e=3359&enum=61">here</a>.

John was a sailor, had been all his life. And his trademark thing was to wear a red sock on his left foot and a green sock on his right (like the port and starboard lights on a ship).

At his funeral, every member of his family was wearing one red and one green sock. It was just about the best thing I've ever seen at a memorial service.

[maleficent]

Originally Posted by Gatorade Frost

Yeah, funerals make me very uncomfortable.

I'm going, though. I think I'm going to go a little more casual since it's at a funeral home and it's going to be a memorial service (she died 10 days ago apparently) so I think khakis, brown shoes, white shirt, and tie would be good?

I don't think anyone is good at funerals... but they aren't for the dead - they're for the ones that are left and it's nice to show up and say hello...

Your ensemble sounds fine...

Unless it's a regional thing - a memorial service is generally a lot more low key than a funeral - no casket - especially no open casket, usually a few readings and special friends sharing memories... they are usually quite lovely.

Atta boy for going... makes an old lady proud of ya son.

Originally Posted by ratbastid

Wow, man... Suddenly I'm over here crying...

A few years back a good friend of mine named John died. I journaled about his life and death <a href="http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/journal.php?do=showentry&e=3359&enum=61">here</a>.

John was a sailor, had been all his life. And his trademark thing was to wear a red sock on his left foot and a green sock on his right (like the port and starboard lights on a ship).

At his funeral, every member of his family was wearing one red and one green sock. It was just about the best thing I've ever seen at a memorial service.

About 10 years ago, a good friend of mine died and this friend was more of a die hard yankees fan than I am... No less than 1/2 the people showing up for the memorial service had on some piece of Yankees garb.. whether it be a hat, a jersey, a jacket.. soemthing said yankees... the family was unbeleivable touched that people remembered that and went to the trouble of doing it..

[Grasshopper Green]

I'm agreeing with Psycho Dad here...at my brothers memorial, there were people in jeans, women in casual slacks, and one gal even came to the service on her lunch break, wearing her uniform from the restaraunt she worked at. We didn't give a damn what people were wearing, it made us feel good that so many people came. We are a laid back family as far as things like that go though...my dad wore shorts to his wedding. Wear what makes YOU comfortable in appearing in (taking mal's advice about flip flops into consideration)...if you want to go with the khakis and white shirt, that sounds fantastic to me.