Hanxterisms...
 

(1) My wife and I divorced over religious differences. I thought I was God and she didn't!

(2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

(3) I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!

(4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

(5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

(6) Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

(7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

(8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

(9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

(10) Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

(11) I'm not a complete idiot -- some parts are missing.

(12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

(13) NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

(14) God must love stupid people; he made so many.

(15) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

(16) It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you.

(17) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

(18) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

(19) MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

(20) Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

(21) Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

(22) Procrastinate Now!

(23) My dog can lick anyone.

(24) I have a degree in liberal arts; do you want fries with that?

(25) FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.

(26) A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

(27) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

(28) STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park somewhere else!

( 29) They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

(30) He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

(31) A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

(32) HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

(33) The trouble with life is there's no background music.

(34) The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

more than three quarter of those i can TOTALLY agree with man.

thanx Hanxter

I'm gonna print that and take it to work...

(27) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

(34) The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

Enjoyed those heaps.

A list worth keeping.

those are pretty good

STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park somewhere else!

I'm printing a bunch of these to leave in my car for the perfect moment at the mall.

This is priceless. Thanks!

Most excellent, alot of those are classic though :-P