Mobo123

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals.
Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
---Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me
than a French one behind me."
--- General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting
without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf >

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
---- Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
---Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is
when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--- Regis Philbin

Dyze

France is one of the greatest countries in the world. Don't say anything else without ever having been there. But when the monkey says it's bad, then it has to be...

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inkriminator

c'mon, this is in the humor section

Mobo123

Lighten up Dyze. if you get so offended, dont venture in here. and yes, i have been there. Rude Parisians, baguettes under their armpits, beautiful museums and a country that has now become a cauldron of discontent. so lighten up bud. france sucks, bush sucks, everybody sucks. (except my wife unfortunately)

la petite moi

Mobo, Paris isn't all of France. Don't dis it until you've REALLY been there. And Dyze, I agree with you.

And yeah, this is the humour section, not the 'let's bash other countries' section.

PS: It's 'vive', not 'viva'...that's Spanish.

hawkeye

Nice set, I like the Schwartzkopf one.

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You're just a giant ball
of love, covered in anger.

Irishsean

Bah, Fuck france!

Pansy little ankle-biters!

=P


Seriously lighten up people, its just jokes.

__________________
There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances.
Leon Trotsky

Delvid

Please no Rush Limbaugh comments ever. Hates Limbaugh.

the_marq

Actually this was said by Jed Babin.

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The Truth:

Johnny Cash could have kicked Bruce Lee's ass if he wanted to.

#3 in a series

CSflim

I hear the new French tank has fourteen gears. Thirteen of them are reverse. The other is for when they are attacked from behind.

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sob

Raise your hand if you like France.

If you ARE French, raise both hands!

sob

<img src=http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0UwAHA60a34rmrC9YXt08!BABCG3XPrZ8HZ8vY2vqqL*lWkktxXxNjEq8vPrBZmyYiJS6AJw6SuZlQMb9Bk3mAp91DX8Sb0DBek2JN2aGsHlzmSWA3zoKNolaqHT*bFTm/FrenchArmyKnife.jpg?dc=4675502342401911593></img>

biznatch

hah. hah. forget about the help the french gave the US for their freedom? yeah, that small quarrel that made America a country...
And about "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France..... he's right. war is always a failure..its the bad way out. its the unhappy ending. And as much as you may say "its the real world, we can't always have happy endings", that may be true, but France at least tries to solve problems without war.
The whole "Frenchmen are pussies" thing started when France refused to participate in a war they didin't believe in. What? now we're cowards because we won't fight for America's oil...
man please...ease the french hate a bit.
And the way you talk, it seems all you've in the parisian streets are men with baguettes under their armpits ...Maybe three people out of 500 happen to walk while holding their bread under their arm. And I don't know more french assholes than I know American ones (and I live in NYC).
whatever, mate.

Zephyr66

jeez people, lighten up, every country's gonna have jokes bashing them, i should know, I'm Canadian

Stick

...and in Oz we've got Steve Irwin. Now there's a joke!

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Menacing; threatening. Of or being an omen, especially an evil one.

Irishsean

French people have been pussies for far longer than this latest conflict...

I seem to remember some german guys eating croissants in paris at one time...

__________________
There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances.
Leon Trotsky

biznatch

World war 2 and the "ligne Maginot" was horrible strategy.
But that has nothing with frenchmen being pussies; I know you know the French army was no longer able to fight, but many french civilians gave their lives to their country in "La resistance", blowing up german trains, etc.
So the failure of an army has nothing to do with the courage of the people.
Why don't you go to a small decrepit bar and say in France and say "Les francais sont des tapettes!" If you do, please post pics of yourself fter the incident.

fatbob

i don't see how being seen as a peace loving (or at least peace prefering) country can be a bad thing!
i don't get the whole american thing of "you, like, so don't want to fight an illegal war and kill loads of innocent people so that our mega-rich elite families and companies can control the world's oil, you pussies, you! yeah go and read some book or something! yeah USA USA!"
fuck sakes if you are going to slag off france take the piss out of their nuclear testing or their dubious running of their 'empire' not their not wanting to fight or their crap taste in casual clothing, or the way that they can't queue...it is the same as using 'liberal' as an insult?!!? what the fuck is that all about?

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change happens when those who don't normally speak get heard by those who don't normally listen.

sob

No shit. I thought this was the humor board, but it's turned into the politics board.

The Complete Military History of France

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."

sob

War never solved anything. That's why we still have so much trouble with Nazis.

Lak

And us kiwis just like to keep loads and loads of sheep, for no apparent reason....

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ignorance really is bliss.

Dyze

World politics is simply much more difficult than Bush tries to tell the US. But he probably does not know better. People are still laughing about the childish "if you are not with us, you are against us" claim. All the countries that blindly followed Bush have to admit now that the war was wrong and surely not the "war on terror". Sadly enough, they have to pay the price now. I never respected Bush but he could gain a little if he admitted that he does not give a shit about OBL and he lied to the world to justify his assault on foreign oir reservoirs.

__________________
Knowing is not enough, we must apply.
Willing is not enough, we must do.

fatbob

the american constitution had only been around for just over 100 years at this point...not really much of a bloodline...

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change happens when those who don't normally speak get heard by those who don't normally listen.

cyrnel

Isn't that the point? To add further insult with the suggestion a mutt pedigree could improve France's "miniature poodle"?

Harsh.

biznatch

"improvement in the french bloodline" ? now that sounds kind of like Hitler when he wanted to "improve the world" by killing all non-Aryans. What kind of an asshole comment is that..on someone's bloodline? I'm very offended.
But as I said before, you judge a country by its military history, and not its cultural values.
I don't appreciate France for its army, I couldn't give three shits. I like because of its culture.

Fohur2

When people on this board are from France,I guess your asking to get told with you weak history report.

Irishsean

Even I'll admit, the French countryside is pretty cool, but as for its cities, they're horrible. Pig shit smells better than Paris, and while the normal people might be pretty tough, its the panty-waists in charge that give everyone the bad impressions.

__________________
There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances.
Leon Trotsky

outdoor

google- "french military victories" then hit I feel lucky

cyrnel

Oh, man. I thought you were joking...

--- I'm feeling lucky... ---
Did you mean: french military defeats

No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - french military victories - did not match any documents.
---

I'm rolling... cheeks hurt...

outdoor

Yeah there are a few more google searches that bring back good answers...I'll start a new thread about those if I can find them

Gatorade Frost

Nevermind.

hosti|e

Yea i was so just thinking that. Given that post above however, mabye we should start a petition for NZ to start a war on France. Given historical precedent we may just have a chance.

Mobo123

geez, i just started this thread as light humour. I didnt realise it would take such a radical turn. but what the hell

Latch

hehe the debate is almost as funny as the original jokes.

Nachtschleicher

Man, this is HECK of funny! I really like the Mark Twain quote and what CSflim said about the French Tanks. LOL!

biznatch

Well, I just think its more country bashing than actual humor...
I came to the TFP for tolerance, and calling french people pussies isn't really tolerant...I personally think its a little too far. I dont mind some jokes on our food (even if I've never eaten frog legs, horses OR snails) but this is kinda racist.

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Mobo123

I dont think any of the comments i posted can be classified as rascist. I think they speak more of opinions based upon verifiable fact. As for the others, i cant nor will i speak for them.

Rdr4evr

I normally don't check the humor threads, but I noticed this one had quite a bit of replies, now I know why!

For what its worth, I'm with Dyze and Biznatch 100%. At least someone has the sense to realize that war is failure.

biznatch

Thanks for the support.

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Shade

put miserable failure into google
or weapons of mass destruction