absolute class. thanks. i almost pissed myself reading that.

haha thanks for the other too, they're all great :D

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

Quite possibly the funniest stuff I have read on TFP. I think a couple of my friends and I might now have a new hobby.

funniest thing I've ever read on the net...and I read alot!

That is the best topic Ive ever seen.
There aint nothing more serious than a rhinocerous charging your ass line made me spit out my drink. Thanks for the great post.

Mwa ha ha ha ha! these are some great ones. Remember my friend talking about some of these...

that's the funniest damn thing i've ever heard

lol, twas very good.

was all that stuff from albino blacksheep?
thats where i have seen it before. Theres some other little goodies there aswell.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/
and thats juts the text section

That nearly made me piss my pants! Oh my God. Those were good!

that shit is hilarious had me on the floor whew boy

Not sure if i have some not posted here, but i do have a small 'collection' :
http://www.moentrix.info/cybersex.txt

Thanks, I needed a laugh.

I can't stop laughing. That is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. Good work!

DAmn, that;s some funny shit!

bwaaahahha good thread :)

hahah! Man, i haven't laughed out loud like that in a while.

lmao hilarious

Hahah OMG thats soo funny

Ho man! That was absolutley hilarious! If you got more plz plz pretty plz post them.. Thanx for the great joke!

lol, i do the same thing sometimes. I go on chat, and i say anyone wanna cyber, then i ask if they wanna roleplay, most of the time they say yeah, and then I just make believe its D&D

I haven't laughed this hard in weeks! Esp. the thing about the pizza!

You guys should try baiting.org

omg those are the funniest things i ever read, i couldnt stop laughing:D:D

Ah - wonderful compendium... Man I read these at work - and I have to talk to customers on the phone... I was laughing so hard it's a wonder I didn't get fired.

That turkey one is a riot. Great stuff.

this shit had me pissing myself. great stuff

that was fucking halarious

I just keep coming back to read these... must find more...

Damn that shit is great. That wizard hat line really got me going, that's genius.

I think we need to make new tfp shirts w/ the logo on one side and a wizard hat on the other.

that shit is funny, lol I can't believe that. I've never laughed so hard.

good one :)

bloodninja is my new hero! Cauliflower... I mean I'm a pretty sick fuck but this guy elevates it to the next level! If you can find more please post them!

Wally Tries Cybersex

An Instant Message appears across the screen of Wally's computer:

Angel4: Hi. How R U?

Wally: Huh? Who is this?

Angel4: My name's Angel....how r u?

Wally: HEY! I know who this is..one of those hackers trying to get my credit card. Stop Thief! Help!

Angel4: For heaven's sake, I'm not a hacker...

Wally: Oh, sorry. Anyway, I was smart enough after the last time I was ripped off to change my Visa Card number from 6278178965781117 to 6382900986228211

Angel4: Ummmm, okay.................I'm just a girl looking 4 a good time. My name is Angel.

Wally: Angle, that's a pretty name.

Angel4: Thank you..but it's Angel. I like your profile.

Wally: Hey, how can you see my profile. I'm not even turning sideways..HEY! can you see me with one of those sex cams???

Angel4: No, Wally. Not if you don't own one. Um..is Wally your real name, and.. are you over 18?

Wally: I'm 31 (mmpft) but I won't tell you my real name.

Angel4: Why?

Wally: The last woman I chatted with was a psycho and started sending me death threats in the mail.

Angel4: Oh my, that's awful. Is she still stalking you?

Wally: No. Luckily she found someone else with a better credit card rating.

Angel4: Haven't seen u here before. Do u want to get to know me better? I'm 5'5, 120 lbs, 34/24/34.

Wally: What are all those numbers, your phone number??? I'm in Canada - we just have seven digits.

Angel4: Um, no. Those are my measurements. I'm a dancer/actress/model and I work out 4 hours a day.

Wally: You work out? I mostly work inside. I'm a heart surgeon. (mmpft) Don't you sometimes get too cold working outside so much?

Angel4: No, silly! I mean I EXERCISE MY BODY.

Wally: Why don't you get a job loading trucks? It's exercise, and they give you money.

Angel4: Uh... Forget it...So, what do you look like?

Wally: I've been told I look like a cross between Jim Nabors and the guy who lives across the street from my aunt's house.

Angel4: Just a minute, it's very hot in here. Do you mind if I slip off these panties and get more comfortable?

Wally: Ok. I have to go feed my dog while you do that.

Angel4: Sheesh.

Wally: OK I'm back. Sorry I took so long. Hey, what's this file in my computer. HEY, ARE YOU SENDING ME A VIRUS, ANGLE?

Angel4: Calm down, Wally. That's a picture of me. Open it up. It's safe. And my name's Angel.

Wally: No, I better go ask my wife first. I'm not allowed to download anything without her permission..be right back-

Angel4: NO, WALLY! Um..there's no need to show your wife this picture...Just calm down and open it.

Wally: WOW!! WOW!! WOW!!! You look EXACTLY like an old poster I had for years!!!! I swear you look just like Farah Facet Majors without the wrinkles. Did you pose for a poster too???

Angel4: Um.. no, that's just a photo I had taken last week. That's really me, honest... Now will you tell me your real name?

Wally: Well.. um.. I-I-

Angel4: Fine. I'll just start chatting with InTooDeep then..

Wally: WAIT! As long as you are not a stalker. I'm Wally Eastwood and I live at 56 Crown St. in Toronto Canada, Postal Code K6V IV4. But maybe I shouldn't tell you that.

Angel4: Oh, don't worry...you can trust me. I'm taking my silk blouse off, Wally..

Wally: Aren't you worried you'll catch a cold?

Angel4. Well, if you saw me topless right now you would know it's a bit chilly here..

Wally: It gets cold here too at night. My wife won't turn the heater up past 62 degrees and-

Angel4: I'm getting really hot, Wally.

Wally: Make up your mind, you just said you were cold.

Angel4: Tell me what you are wearing.

Wally: I'm wearing blue boxer shorts and a Bart Simpson Tee Shirt.

Angel4: Why don't you take off your shirt for me, Wally..

Wally: WHY? It's a really funny one with Bart and this really fat woman and it says "Purple Crack Kills".. Have you seen it? (long, long, pause from Angel4)

Angel4: You know, to tell you the truth I'm a bit busy right now and-

Wally: Did I mention I'm 6' 3" 200 lbs and can bench press 300 pounds? (mmpft)

Angel4: *Perking*

Wally: What.. you're having coffee at this hour????

Angel4: No.. I mean..*wow* meaning.. that sounds just.. mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Wally: OH my God! You spilt your coffee on the keyboard, didn't you? Now your m key is sticking!

Angel4: NO, Wally, for crissakes I'm not having any coffee! I mean MMMMMMMMMM..Like.."I'M EXCITED"..do you get it? Can you possibly freaking keep up here, you putz?

Wally: OH! I GET IT! It's those EMOTICONS! I bought that book INTERNET for MORONS to learn those, but I forgot where I put it-

Angel4: I think I'm getting a migraine.

Wally:But I remember some of them...Let's see: I forget.

Angel4: You have a great sense of humour... Now I'm really getting hot...can u call me, Wally?

Wally: Why would I call you my own name?

Angel4: No...u know.. CALL me..on the phone..

Wally: No, I can't, I'm trying to cut back on my phone bill..but..HEY..WAIT you mean call you for phonesex????

Angel4:: Yeah..It's only $3.99 a minute and I'll bet you have a sexy voice, Wally.

Wally: I tried that phone sex once but I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do with the receiver.

Angel4: *Sigh* Wally, do you want to get off with me or not!?

Wally: Get off? Angle, I just signed on and I have 5 more free hours!! I got this great deal through my phone company and a free phone card and-

Angel4: I MEAN CYBERSEX!!!!

Wally: Wow!!! My wife just left the house,too! I'd like to try that stuff out.

Angel4: Finally!.. Here's a free sample. Now listen carefully.. when you start to get turned on, you type "oooooooooooooo", get it? I'm completely naked now, Wally, and I'm starting to-

Wally: 00000000000000000000000000000000000000

Angel4: This isn't the time to be cracking jokes.

Wally: I'm done. That was great.

Angel4: Are you SERIOUS???

Wally: I get excited easily. I'm sorry, Angle.

Angel4: Jesus, what schmuck. And it's ANGEL, you jerk!!

USER ANGEL14 is no longer online

Wally: Hello? ::clicking keyboard:: HELLO, ANGLE? It says you are no longer online. Tell me if this is true. Hello?

hilarious

Heh, yeah I read these in a CS forum somewhere...

omg that shit was funny as hell

ehh scary yet funny ;)

That was so FUNNY!

I had to bite a pillow just so I wouldn’t wake up half the neighborhood.

Oh…that was so good…oh god damn it I have hiccups now… :D

thats the funniest thing i have read in a long ass time thanks soo much for those

:lol: :lol: :lol:
better be careful then

Yeah -- I remember these from TFP v.3.

thats some great stuff

I, for one, am inspired to delve into a new frontier of mental battle. This person is good. Nice set up, solid punch, Bam! TYFP

What a classic....

omgggggg... i am fuckn crying i am laughing so harddd..


HHHAAAARRRR!

Meh, the sweet17 one was just mean - the others were funny, though. Sounds like something lowtax would do... (www.somethingawful.com)

Dude, those logs are absolutely hilarious. First time I have gotten tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. If anyone finds more of these then please post!

heh that was enjoyable

whahahaha!!!

Why, oh why, won't this stupid post GO AWAY?!? Fade into oblivion, for the love of God...it was funny, yes, but not that funny...

Haha these are gold. Whoever made these are a genius.

These are freakin' funny! I was cackling madly while reading them. I hoe they never go away.

This made me spurt cola out of my nose, and for that, i thank you :D

I laughed a little bit too loud...some funny ass stuff you guys got there :lol: :thumbsup:

btw here is the complete list of it i think


http://ender.tog.net/x10/funny/cyber.txt

The one with the fat girl is too harsh for my tastes. But the pizza one made me literally LAUGH OUT LOUD.

Keep these comming! Man, I also like the chats where they find horny 40 year olds who want to cyber with 14 year olds, sure it sounds gross but when the 14 year old girl turns out to be a 20 year old guy... well that spells classic right there!

rofl.. funny shit

LOL I read that in the IGN board.

The "I put on my robe and wizard hat." part is hilarious.

Simply priceless.

That Wally one was very obviously fake.

Always a good one

LOL! VERY FUNNY :D

OMG!!! OMG.......that is the funniest shit I have heard in a long time......I woke my kids up from laughing so loud. Thanks....I needed that!

funny shit....love a good laugh first thing in the morning....

Godly.

always good for a laugh. heh

Laughing so hard I can barely hit the right keys...

bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.

That made me real hard for a couple minutes.

Hahahaha, that is classic.

That is the funniest shit I have read in a long time.

Here is another that I found.

Bigbenny02: hi, a/s/l?
kwazyfwies: hiya 18/f/usa u?
Bigbenny02: wow, 18/m/usa
Bigbenny02: want to cyber?
kwazyfwies: yes
kwazyfwies: you start ok?
Bigbenny02: ok then
Bigbenny02: I slowly advanced towards you, my breathing quickens
kwazyfwies: I'm laying on my bed with just my blouse and nikers on
Bigbenny02: I growl like a sexualy frustrated beast!
kwazyfwies: lol, I ask you to come closer
Bigbenny02: I run across the room and jump on top of you...
kwazyfwies: easy big boy
Bigbenny02: i turn you over, and rub your back slowly
kwazyfwies: mmmm thats nice
Bigbenny02: I pin you down and let loose an evil hissing sound
kwazyfwies: wtf?
Bigbenny02: Surprise! muhahahahahaha, i'm a vampire, and i vant to suck your blood!
kwazyfwies: forget it physco
Bigbenny02: don't you like it like that babyface?
kwazyfwies: no
Bigbenny02: i was only joking! sorry, let me try again
kwazyfwies: ok
Bigbenny02: I gently caress your tender bottem.
kwazyfwies: I moan softly
Bigbenny02: All of a suden I scream loudly, pull apart your arse cheeks, burry my face in the dingle berry encrusted hair mass, and inhale deeply through my nose
kwazyfwies: you sick fuck
Bigbenny02: you smell bad baby, do you wash?
kwazyfwies: bye looser.
Bigbenny02: sorry, its my bad sense of humor, Most people i say it to find it funny?
kwazyfwies: ...i don't
Bigbenny02: I turn you over, and pull out my purple headed warrior
kwazyfwies: its not very big
Bigbenny02: you won't be saying that when it infiltrates your poop tube and rips apart your colon!!!
Bigbenny02: I thrust my pocket rocket at you, and begin humping your leg like a powerful german shepard!
kwazyfwies: don't talk to me ever again
Bigbenny02: I move my hands down to your black triangle of love, somehow managing to wade through the jungle of pubic hair, i find a pink patch...
Bigbenny02: omg. hidden in the hair is a small penis!
kwazyfwies: i'm reporting you...
Bigbenny02: I squeel like a freshly wounded pig at the sight of it.
Bigbenny02: "so thats your dark secret!" i scream, "you sick twisted bitch!"
Bigbenny02: u run away, into the night, crying, the cold wind whipps your naked flesh, i chase after you
Bigbenny02: i drop kick you, and rip off your left leg leaving a small bloody stump. "you aint pretty no more!!!"
kwazyfwies: blocked. looza
Bigbenny02: bye sweet stuff


[update]
Another one.


J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the fuck are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.

hahah Thats hilarious.

LMAO Hilarious as hell

:D

Jdogg:Hey
QT-Pie:Hey
Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

When I read that I laughed so hard I peed a little.

read it before, but it's worth reading again

Reading this is the best thing I've done in my entire life. I might as well just die now.

OMG that is gold!