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11-15-2003, 09:42 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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pinche vato
Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
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Preacher jokes
The local baptist preacher has all the faith in the world when the river going through town suddenly overflows its banks one day. He finds himself standing on the second-floor balcony when a rowboat comes down his street.
A man in the boat calls out, "Preacher, please get in the boat. The water is rising fast and you don't have much time. We'll save you." The preacher does not move and calls back, "No, you don't understand. I have faith in the Lord, and the Lord will provide for me. I don't need you." And the rowboat goes away without him. After an hour has passed, the preacher is clinging to his roof when another rowboat comes down the street. A man in the boat calls out, "Preacher, please get in the boat. The water is rising fast and you don't have much time. We'll save you." The preacher does not move and calls back, "No, you don't understand. I have faith in the Lord, and the Lord will provide for me. I don't need you." And the second rowboat goes away without him. After another hour, the preacher is clinging to his chimney when a helicopter flies overhead. A man in the helicopter calls out, "Preacher, please grab ahold of this rope. The water is rising fast and you don't have much time. We'll save you." The preacher does not move and calls back, "No, you don't understand. I have faith in the Lord, and the Lord will provide for me. I don't need you." And the helicopter goes away without him. After another hour, the preacher is violently swept off his roof by the rushing waters and he is instantly drowned. Soon, he realizes that he is dead and is standing outside the Pearly Gates when St. Peter walks up. St. Peter says, "What are you doing here? This is not your time." The preacher explains, "Well, I'm a little confused about that, too. I had faith in the Lord and he was supposed to provide for me." St. Peter exclaims, "Well, he sent you two rowboats and helicopter. What more did you want?"
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Living is easy with eyes closed. |
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11-15-2003, 09:54 PM
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#2 (permalink) |
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pinche vato
Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
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Three preachers (a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist) and their wives are all together for an extended vacation, but the RV they've rented gets involved in a horrible wreck and all six are killed.
As soon as they appear at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter walks out and asks if they need help. The Presbyterian minister steps forward and declares, "I am a Presbyterian minister, and my wife and I would like to get into heaven." St. Peter stops him and says, "I'm sorry, but you have committed a mortal sin. According to the Great Book, you spent your whole life lusting for money. Although you never really made any money, you still lusted for it in your heart, and that's just as bad. It even says here that you lusted for money so bad that you wouldn't even get married until you met a woman named 'Penny.'" As the Presbyterian walks away dejectedly, the Methodist steps up and asks for admission to heaven. St. Peter stops him and says, "I'm sorry, but you have committed a mortal sin. According to the Great Book, you spent your whole life lusting for alcohol. Although you never drank a single drop, you still lusted for it in your heart, and that's just as bad. It even says here that you lusted for alcohol so bad that you wouldn't even get married until you met a woman named 'Sherry.'" As the Methodist walks away dejectedly, the Baptist turns to his wife and says, "Come on, Fanny. You and I might as well get out of here."
__________________
Living is easy with eyes closed. |
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