Australian Poem - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

astroid60 · 03-08-2011, 01:45 PM

This has something for everyone - if you know the bush, it will appeal to you, if you work in the oil industry, there is something in it for you too, if you have a sense of humour - well, it might test it a little. If you are not an Australian, then you may need an Aussie to explain it to you.

Goodbye Granddad

Poor old Granddad's passed away, cut off in his prime,

He never had a day off crook - gone before his time,

We found him in the dunny, collapsed there on the seat,

A startled look upon his face, his trousers around his feet,

The doctor said his heart was good - fit as any trout,

The Constable he had his say, 'foul play' was not ruled out.

There were theories at the inquest of snakebite without trace,
Of redbacks quietly creeping and death from outer space,

No-one had a clue at all - the judge was in some doubt,

When Dad was called to have his say as to how it came about,

'I reckon I can clear it up,' said Dad with trembling breath,

'You see it's quite a story - but it could explain his death.'

'This here exploration mob had been looking at our soil,

And they reckoned that our farm was just the place to look for oil.

So they came and put a bore down and said they'd make some trials,

They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about three miles!

Well, they never found a trace of oil and off they went, post haste.

But I couldn't see a hole like that go to flamin' waste,

So I moved the dunny over it - a real smart move I thought -

I'd never have to dig again - I'd never be 'caught short'.

The day I moved the dunny, it looked a proper sight,

But I didn't dream poor Granddad would pass away that night,

Now I reckon what has happened - poor Granddad didn't know,

The dunny was re-located when that night he had to go.

And you'll probably be wondering how poor Granddad did his dash--

Well, he always used to hold his breath

Until he heard the splash!!

uncle phil · 03-08-2011, 02:18 PM

that's funny!!!

dlish · 03-08-2011, 07:51 PM

i love aussie humour. would have loved it to be longer though.

spindles · 03-08-2011, 09:46 PM

nerd hate on - Maybe needs to be more than 3 miles deep - he only had to hold his breath for 31.2 seconds for the crap to get to the bottom + 14.1 seconds for some kind of sound to return!

ignoring the science - cool poem

dlish · 03-08-2011, 10:36 PM

is that taking into consideration that the shit hits terminal velocity spins?

id love to see the calc for it just out of curiosity. is the weight taken into consideration?

does he hold his breath from the first log or last log?

03-08-2011, 01:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
astroid60 Upright Location: Nth. Qld.Australia	Australian Poem This has something for everyone - if you know the bush, it will appeal to you, if you work in the oil industry, there is something in it for you too, if you have a sense of humour - well, it might test it a little. If you are not an Australian, then you may need an Aussie to explain it to you. Goodbye Granddad Poor old Granddad's passed away, cut off in his prime, He never had a day off crook - gone before his time, We found him in the dunny, collapsed there on the seat, A startled look upon his face, his trousers around his feet, The doctor said his heart was good - fit as any trout, The Constable he had his say, 'foul play' was not ruled out. There were theories at the inquest of snakebite without trace, Of redbacks quietly creeping and death from outer space, No-one had a clue at all - the judge was in some doubt, When Dad was called to have his say as to how it came about, 'I reckon I can clear it up,' said Dad with trembling breath, 'You see it's quite a story - but it could explain his death.' 'This here exploration mob had been looking at our soil, And they reckoned that our farm was just the place to look for oil. So they came and put a bore down and said they'd make some trials, They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about three miles! Well, they never found a trace of oil and off they went, post haste. But I couldn't see a hole like that go to flamin' waste, So I moved the dunny over it - a real smart move I thought - I'd never have to dig again - I'd never be 'caught short'. The day I moved the dunny, it looked a proper sight, But I didn't dream poor Granddad would pass away that night, Now I reckon what has happened - poor Granddad didn't know, The dunny was re-located when that night he had to go. And you'll probably be wondering how poor Granddad did his dash-- Well, he always used to hold his breath Until he heard the splash!!

03-08-2011, 02:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	that's funny!!! __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

03-08-2011, 07:51 PM	#3 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	i love aussie humour. would have loved it to be longer though. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

03-08-2011, 09:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
spindles Mine is an evil laugh Location: Sydney, Australia	nerd hate on - Maybe needs to be more than 3 miles deep - he only had to hold his breath for 31.2 seconds for the crap to get to the bottom + 14.1 seconds for some kind of sound to return! ignoring the science - cool poem __________________ who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

03-08-2011, 10:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	is that taking into consideration that the shit hits terminal velocity spins? id love to see the calc for it just out of curiosity. is the weight taken into consideration? does he hold his breath from the first log or last log? __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy