The bear & the atheist - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

powerclown · 08-17-2010, 11:09 AM

An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees!"
"What powerful rivers!"
"What beautiful animals!"
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very Well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

Xerxys · 08-17-2010, 11:54 AM

I tell this joke differently and whoever I tell it to simply dies of laughter but the point is, I never thought it was funny. And I do, in fact, count myself as the few that appreciate irony, but this joke just isn't.

levite · 08-17-2010, 12:01 PM

Excellent. I heard the same joke slightly differently worded, as a Jewish joke. Worked great then, too.

powerclown · 08-17-2010, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xerxys

I tell this joke differently and whoever I tell it to simply dies of laughter but the point is, I never thought it was funny. And I do, in fact, count myself as the few that appreciate irony, but this joke just isn't.

Xerxys: you are not allowed to find this joke unfunny. This is considered treason against JokeState. You are in violation of Bureaucratic Penal Code 32.3.44.65x.6pp, section 17R, verse 5. Please report to your nearest party disintegration machine for processing.

Willravel · 08-17-2010, 07:05 PM

Reminds me a bit of this.

Plan9 · 08-17-2010, 11:25 PM

Law books having verses... now that's funny.

08-17-2010, 11:09 AM	#1 (permalink)
powerclown Junkie Location: Detroit, MI	The bear & the atheist An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees!" "What powerful rivers!" "What beautiful animals!" He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!" Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very Well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

08-17-2010, 12:01 PM	#3 (permalink)
levite Minion of Joss Location: The Windy City	Excellent. I heard the same joke slightly differently worded, as a Jewish joke. Worked great then, too. __________________ Dull sublunary lovers love, Whose soul is sense, cannot admit Absence, because it doth remove That thing which elemented it. (From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

08-17-2010, 07:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Reminds me a bit of this. Last edited by Willravel; 08-17-2010 at 11:45 PM..

08-17-2010, 11:25 PM	#6 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Law books having verses... now that's funny. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

08-17-2010, 11:54 AM	#2 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	I tell this joke differently and whoever I tell it to simply dies of laughter but the point is, I never thought it was funny. And I do, in fact, count myself as the few that appreciate irony, but this joke just isn't.