Computer Diagnosis - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

maleficent · 03-29-2006, 12:27 PM

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

LoganSnake · 03-29-2006, 03:03 PM

I've heard this one before, but I love it!

Warf Rat · 03-29-2006, 04:19 PM

comitted to memory already.

Thanks

SirLance · 03-30-2006, 06:08 AM

Now THAT'S funny!

Dilbert1234567 · 04-01-2006, 01:12 AM

thats a new one, nothing ever even comes close to that, great one.

thanks

03-29-2006, 12:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Computer Diagnosis One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. ''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better." __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

03-29-2006, 03:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
LoganSnake We work alone Location: Cake Town	I've heard this one before, but I love it! __________________ Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

03-29-2006, 04:19 PM	#3 (permalink)
Warf Rat Psycho Location: Philadelphia	comitted to memory already. Thanks __________________ A day late, and a dollar short.

03-30-2006, 06:08 AM	#4 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Now THAT'S funny! __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

04-01-2006, 01:12 AM	#5 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	thats a new one, nothing ever even comes close to that, great one. thanks __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen