BARRY BONDS DEMANDS DRUG TESTS FOR JOURNALISTS

[Brewmaniac]

The Borowitz Report: Link
March 28, 2006

BARRY BONDS DEMANDS DRUG TESTS FOR JOURNALISTS
Claims Latest Steroids Books Were Written On Steroids

San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds, who has been resolutely silent while allegations of steroid use have swirled around him, broke his silence today by demanding drug tests for all baseball journalists.

At a press conference at the Giants' spring training facility, Mr. Bonds claimed that such tests were necessary because most of the recent books about steroid use in baseball were written by journalists on steroids.

"In the 1970's there were no books about steroid use, and now a new one comes out every week," Mr. Bonds said. "The only way to explain such an extreme increase in production is that these writers are obviously juiced."

Mr. Bonds' charges drew an immediate rebuttal from Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for the Baseball Writers Association of America, who denied that baseball journalists were on steroids and instead attributed their increased production to advancements in nutrition and training.

"Having said that, it is not unusual for writers to use dietary supplements to complete manuscripts when they are under a writing deadline," Ms. Foyler said. "If some of those supplements turned out to be steroids, then journalists could have been taking steroids without even knowing it."

For his part, Mr. Bonds said that if any writers break sales records with their books while on steroids, those records should not stand.

"If any of these books make the New York Times bestseller list, they should have an asterisk after them," he said.

Elsewhere, President Bush urged legal status for 11 million illegal aliens in the hopes that some of them will approve of the job he is doing as President.

The real joke is Barry Bonds, himself!

[SirLance]

This is good, it's a reminder that there are more important things to worry about.

[maleficent]

I do love Andy...