your bubble gum fortune...
 

David Hasslehoff hides in your closet at night and sneaks out at night while you are sleeping. He puts bologna slices on your bare bottom and puts clothespins on his nipples. He spins around three times while simulating masturbation on your teddy bear. Then he goes back to the closet where he remains until your alarm clock goes off. Then he vanishes into thin air back to whence he came.

I realize this is nonsense -- but WHAT???