Tell me what I want to hear! CONTEST!
 

It's the tell Charlatan what he wants to hear contest!!!

You post what you think I want to hear and I award points. Those who have the highest points win a fabulous prize.

Let the games begin.

/me is having trouble with the audio, but visualize, if you will, birds chirping on a cool spring morn over a babbling brook next to a sizzling pan of bacon over a campfire...

would you like fries with that?

yeah, and supersize it...

You are a real man, and a snazzy dresser! All the girls say your penis is bigger than mine. (did I win?)

hmm, does a Charlatan want to hear something silly or something sillier?

Your wisdom surpasses the other's and the rest is all a very effective act.

Uncle_phil: one point for being a smart ass, -2 for not giving me something I want to hear

Fly: +3 for recognizing my need for fries.

uncle_phil: +1 for not thinking about my waistline.

crack: -4 for pandering... you don't even know what my dick looks like. Now if you were busy servicing it, I might take you at your word.

ocm: +2 for being confusing. I have no idea what you were trying to say to me.

your wife and kids are on the plane as we speak

Charlatan, (sir), it would be easier to figure out what you want to hear in person. Be just and fear not!

Lucifer: +2 for thinking with your heart but -4 for not saying which plane (now I have visions of them flying Cuba with some crazy hijacker or crashing into the Andes where they have to eat my daughter to stay alive.

OCM: -3 for calling me sir and +2 for still not making any sense whatsoever!

(Damnit, & you warned me about the "sir" thing, too!)

Our universe is what it is and we must simply deal with the circumstances.

hey Charlie.........got a couple of Guinneys here with your name on 'em.


*that oughta jack the score up eh?*

Hmmm....I foresee you becoming the leader of a vast media empire that monopolizes all print and television in the Western Hemisphere.
But you remain humble.

The flyman and myself are planning a beautiful lovechild, and we're gonna name him 'Little Stevie'.

Might be looking for a godfather too, bro!

don't listen to him Charlie..........he's just tryin' to get his mitts on "our" Guinness.........

also, I plan on naming my next 6-pack 'Steven Charles'...........:D

/me "wonders" what sounds "little stevie" will make...

I figure he's gonna sing Motown while accompanying himself with the banjo......:D

OCM: +2 for being relatively deep, even if you are from the shallow end off the gene pool.

Fly: +4 I like a guy who thinks of my social lubrication.

hagatha: +4 for thinking big but -2 because I don't want to think about work

paddyjoe: +5 for your desire to consummate your man love with fly and +1 for the unexpected honours

fly: +2 for keeping perspective

paddyjoe: -2 for a lack of originality, quit copying off of fly's test.

unclephil: +1 for puns

paddyjoe: +3 for images of Deliverance meets the Jackson Five

I laid on my back. When you said "roll over," I said, "OK."
It might have been wrong, but pity the shallow end...

looks like i'm winning so far.......but we all know "you're" the real winner here Charlie.

and hey......i plant tulips in my spare time buddy.

you got me...i had no freakin' idea how to fit "songs in the key of life" into that...

How about "You got me, babe."?

ahahahaha....two-lips, nice man!

hey Charlie..........take the rest of the day off w/ pay buddy.


i'll cover your ass.


*quiet joe*

The world is at peace, and disease relinquished to a misty past. Humankind is on the cusp of evolving into pure energy, and God has finally shown herself....She says she does not exist at all. All children are healthy and happy, There has not been an extinction of species on the planet since the Dinosaurs, and we just colonized our seventh star system.

Oh....and you just bought the most comfortable shoes you have ever worn.

"One looked a bit like a camp follower who had once come up to Brienne to ask if she had a cunt or a cock inside her breeches." -George R. R. Martin.

charlie really wants his own two-page thread...

i'd like to help Charlie get that 2 pager too.

how, with those 2 lips?

Maybe (Xxx) would like some chocolate?

i want him to get it man.........don't wreck the joke for fuck sakes......

Ahh man, you should know by now that i'm too thick to get just about anything. You gotta spell it out for me, ya bastard.........:lol:

OCM: +3 for just being you... freak.

Fly: Sweet jesus fly... if I am reading between line you just offered me a lot more than a reach around. +5 :lol:

Unclephil: +1 for banter

OCM: -2 no so much.

paddyjoe: +2 for your (man)love of fly

fly: +2 for the kind offer, -3 for watching my ass (how are you going to watch my ass while planting tulips?) :lol:

Chimera: +3 for whatever it is you are smoking and +2 for comfortable shoes... I like me some comfortable shoes.

OCM: +1 for effort, -1 for too much and -1 the cunt thread is slimshaydee's turf.

Unclephil: +2 for telling it like it is

fly and paddyjoe: +3 for doing that thing you two do (you decide how to split it 'cause I am not giving your three points each).

OCM: +1 for chocolate -2 for making me think of that film with Vin Diesel

Paddyjoe and Fly: -3 just to even it so you don't have to fight over the shared points when I know you two want to be making sweet love.

I think I know what Charlie needs.......


MONTY PYTHON

Quote:

The Argument Sketch from Monty Python Live at City Center **** A man walks into an office. Man: Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please. Receptionist: Certainly, sir. Have you been here before? Man: No, this is my first time. Receptionist: I see, well we'll see who's free at the moment. Mr. Bakely's free, but he's a little bit concilliatory. No. Try Mr. Barnhart, room 12. Man: Thank you. He enters room 12. Angry man: WHADDAYOU WANT? Man: Well, Well, I was told outside that... Angry man: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS! Man: What? A: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS STUFFY-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!! M: Yes, but I came here for an argument!! A: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse! M: Oh! Oh I see! A: Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door. M: Oh...Sorry... A: Not at all! A: (under his breath) stupid git. The man goes into room 12A. Another man is sitting behind a desk. Man: Is this the right room for an argument? Other Man: (pause) I've told you once. Man: No you haven't! Other Man: Yes I have. M: When? O: Just now. M: No you didn't! O: Yes I did! M: You didn't! O: I did! M: You didn't! O: I'm telling you, I did! M: You didn't! O: (breaking into the developing argument) Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour? M: Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the five minutes. O: Just the five minutes. Thank you. Anyway, I did. M: You most certainly did not! O: Now let's get one thing perfectly clear: I most definitely told you! M: Oh no you didn't! O: Oh yes I did! ___ M: Oh no you didn't! \ O: Oh yes I did! \ M: Oh no you didn't! \ O: Oh yes I did! \ M: Oh no you didn't! \ O: Oh yes I did! \ M: Oh no you didn't! \ O: Oh yes I did! > very fast M: Oh no you didn't! / O: Oh yes I did! / M: No you DIDN'T! / O: Oh yes I did! / M: No you DIDN'T! / O: Oh yes I did! / M: No you DIDN'T! / O: Oh yes I did! ___/ M: Oh look, this isn't an argument! (pause) O: Yes it is! M: No it isn't! (pause) M: It's just contradiction! O: No it isn't! M: It IS! O: It is NOT! M: You just contradicted me! O: No I didn't! M: You DID! O: No no no! M: You did just then! O: Nonsense! M: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!! (pause) O: No it isn't! M: Yes it is! (pause) I came here for a good argument! O: AH, no you didn't, you came here for an *argument*! M: An argument isn't just contradiction. O: Well! it CAN be! M: No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statement intended to establish a proposition. O: No it isn't! M: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction. O: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position! M: Yes but it isn't just saying "no it isn't". O: Yes it is! M: No it isn't! O: Yes it is! M: No it isn't! O: Yes it is! M: No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says. O: It is NOT! M: It is! O: Not at all! M: It is! >DING!< The Arguer hits a bell on his desk and stops. O: Thank you, that's it. M: (stunned) What? O: That's it. Good morning. M: But I was just getting interested! O: I'm sorry, the five minutes is up. M: That was never five minutes!! O: I'm afraid it was. M: (leading on) No it wasn't..... (pause) O: (dirty look) I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more. M: WHAT?? O: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes. M: But that was never five minutes just now! (pause... the Other Man raises his eyebrows) Oh Come on! Oh this is... This is ridiculous! O: I told you... I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you PAY! M: Oh all right. (takes out his wallet and pays again.) There you are. O: Thank you. M: (clears throat) Well... O: Well WHAT? M: That was never five minutes just now. O: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid! M: Well I just paid! O: No you didn't! M: I DID!!! O: YOU didn't! M: I DID!!! O: YOU didn't! M: I DID!!! O: YOU didn't! M: I DID!!! O: YOU didn't! M: (unable to talk straight he's so mad) I don't want to argue about it! O: Well I'm very sorry but you didn't pay! M: Ah HAH!! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing??? Ah HAAAAAAHHH! Gotcha! O: (pause) No you haven't! M: Yes I have! If you're arguing, I must have paid. O: Not necessarily. I *could* be arguing in my spare time.

i'm not here just for the points bro..........:thumbsup:


*blushes*

jeezus....what a freak.......:lol:

you freaks are really trying to give him what he wants...another freakin' page...

:orly:


yeah right..........coming from you,like that really hurts.


all i gotta say joe is..........like a lollipop bro.:D

:surprised: <--- Holding that O! :devious:

I hear on the news tonight that the "Cool-Dry Season" is about to start in Singapore.

Pan!: +5 for reading my mind (my son just did this sketch with me on Skype - how's that for weird and geeky?)

fly: -1 for blushing...

paddyjoe: +1 for sour grapes

uncle phil: +3 for being the voice of reason -1 for your slice

fly and joe: +1 for your shared love of lollipops.

Angel: +2 for just showing up

Lucifer: +4 for something I want to hear but -2 for that long-haired freaky avatar you had the other day... I think I hurt my eyes on that mane of hair!

I'm tall, blonde, with a body made for dirty dirty things. I don't know you, but I feel the need to spend the rest of my days (or at least until you tire of me and need to find something new) as your slave.

There has to be another freaking page, and so there is...

maybe...Godiva chocolate?

charlie, shoulda seen my slice today...

...shoulda seen my slice today.

/me can't believe charlie started his OWN multi-page thread...

With friends like he has? While unlikely to rival word association.....:thumbsup:

i can.


the man's an icon in these parts.

Icons roll,
though largely useless,
meaningful?

Hi, Im your official mold getterridofer, where shall I derobe?

Hi-ho.
...(minus points for this, I'm sure) Charlatan's vision, outdistanced in his mind,
yields multiple hallucinations, and there are points.

/me has begun to get the sense that he might think he's becoming a legend in his own mind...

More pages for sure.

nah phil......he's just a crazy fuckin' Canadian that's all.

:thumbsup:

Tigerlily: +4 for what I want to hear but -4 for exacerbating my existing issues
OCM: +1 for chocolate
unclephil: +1 for the slice and +1 for un souçon of self deprication
OCM: -2 for copying
unclephil: +1 for telling it like it is
OCM: -1 for confusion
fly: -2 for flattery
OCM: +1 for confusion
Shanifaye: +3 for bringing the demold magic
OCM: +1 for confusion
unclephil: +3 for sticking a fork in my ass
OCM: -1 for confusion
fly: +2 for bringing the Maple Leaf into it...

damn..........i even knew flattery would get me no where.

the fuck was i thinking?

*don't even bother joe......i know you got somethin' to say*

no sir! it's lay off the fly day here in western new york. I do wish you were here charlie. I know you miss this snow and cold........:)

well that's pretty fucking boring........

at least call me an asshat or somethin'.

i'll call you somethin', you...you...you...SOMETHIN'!!!

...was all dressed up with no place to go when the phone rang. It was the beloved, calling from another reality, with a 'passport'.

Oh, i'll get you tomorrow, Richard.



haha wait, that's something....:lol:

...when I told them the password was "dick" they washed my mouth out. It didn't taste like soap...

I came back for you Charli.

the next time you eat in my restaurant, the meal is on me!

confusion, plus or minus heh

fly: +1 for learning from your mistakes
paddyjoe: +2 for the good wishes and thoughts of snow, -1 for reminding me
fly: +1 for using the word asshat
unclephil: no points awarded or taken away
OCM: +5 for using the word of the day
paddyjoe: +2 for Richard. As tricky as always.
OCM: -2 for images of you getting your mouth washed out with dick.
Astro: +2 for just coming back
JBW: +2 for the invite (and there's more where that came from if you tell me where your restaurant is located)
OCM: no points award or taken away...

you always learn from your mistakes.('cept for that bastard joe)..........(i know he's up to something)

oh yeah.......yesterday is gone.........tomorrow is not here yet and,.........i'm not done with today........

Languidly charming,
the thing laid on its cushions
and offered more stuff.

It wasn't useful
or even informative;
exported haiku!:shakehead:

fly: +2 for learning and +2 for just being deep
OCM: -2 for haiku

Oops! (Ignorance is not the same as ignoring.)

There loomed a presence, behind us and all around: One cannot help it!
Give me another chance, Xxx!

/me waits for a real "singapore sling..."

Who's the Canuck private dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
Charlatan!
Ya damn right!

Who is the man that would risk his neck
For his Fly man?
Charlatan!
Can you dig it?

Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's nonsense all about?
Charlatan!
Right On!

They say this cat Charlatan is a bad mother--
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
But I'm talkin' 'bout Charlatan.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!

He's a complicated man
But no one understands him but his woman
Charlatan!

I nominate Astrocloud for president of the universe!

but.........you're a fucking wingnut joe.

......and astroglide ain't too far behind you either.

but you like it that way right?

Charlatan skipped down the path into the meadow. Butterflies swarmed into the air, making small fluttering noises. Quite alert all of a sudden, Charlatan avoided the sheep dip and kept his toes clean.

no "six month" period?

phil, is that what all your dates used to tell you they had.......:no:

uh-huh, pot....kettle....black

man..........i can kick myself in the teeth.........that one was for you.:thumbsup:


and you better take it like a man too............hhmmmmmmmm


however that may be my friend.........is up to you.


:D

Oh Charlatan...My halo is tilted ever so prominently! ;)

Onto the third page, good job Charlatan!

OCM: +1 for being the hardest working man in Nonsense
uncle_phil: +1 for a reference to Singapore Sling
Astro: +3, can you dig it?
Paddyjoe: +1 for playing with fire
fly: +.5 for the pun
OCM: +1 for sheep dip
uncle_phil: 0 points. Clarify.
paddyjoe: +2 for a relatively competent burn. You can do better my friend!
fly: +2 for consistency and lots of lube
angel: +2 for the angle of your glowing donut
OCM: -2 I have my settings set for 100 posts per page, this is still page one.

I miss you in black and white :(

/me will give you three strokes next time...

(charlie, you know what i mean...)

one on the round of golf, right phil. umm, what are the other two for?!?!

This point system reminds me of my first paycheck.

yeah......he's been suckin' hind tit lately.........i know the bastard can do better too.



hey Charlie.........you and the missus wanna go for a horse ride?


*man......i can see the points adding up now*

Alright, I'll finally confess it, Charlie.
I haven't read Dune.

"Hey, honey! I've got a teaching job in Singapore!!! Paid move and everything! See ya in about a week!!!"

shanifaye: +3 for nostalgia
uncle_phil: +2 for being so kinky and right after shani's post too...
paddyjoe: +1 one for thinking like me
astro: +2 for nostalgia and -1 just to revel in it.
fly: +3 for the use of "hind tit" and +1 for the horse you rode in on
fremen: +5 for being honest, but tell me something I don't already know -2 :lol:
uncle_phil: +2 for the last part. Part one and two already happened -- teaching job and paid move secured!

well, I can understand sucking, and being called on it by the powers that be, and when I do suck I will man-up and be the first to admit it, BUT, then to be piled on and watch as points are awarded to the freaking *bastard* who piled on.........



all I can say...........SWEET! good move ass-man, I woulda hammered you too......:thumbsup:

woulda.:rolleyes:

coulda.:oogle:

........and shoulda my friend.:orly:

it's okay joe........good things come to those who wait.

....it is "all about the ass" too joe.....:thumbsup:

Little Sally skipped through the woods, marvelling at the disorder it seemed to be, and leaving a trail of bread crumbs which quickly disappeared behind her.

...just saw your ass again on a different thread, sir! Everytime it appears it's like it was the first time: Amazing!

All clams are born as males.

Your avatar kind of creeps me out, Charlatan.

"Good idea God!"
"Of course it's a good idea!"

yeah..........it must be the beer out this way


:D

yeah, just like your favorite goddam nightmare!

The male part of a clam is called the clitoris

I just posted something similar about his avatar in the rate thread. (twilight zoneish)

Now about that male part of a clam being called a clitoris... I'm intregued (sp?) can you pierce the hood?? :orly: What do ya think Charlatan, are ya up for some clam clitoris hood piercing??? Tee hee hee