Is there such thing as the "right one" ?
 

So on my birthday god have granted me an attractive being for me to.. pretty much enslave, do anything to my liking. It's like his main job is to satisfy me. I couldnt ask for more, but ( grr the big fucking but!) I can't have a damn orgasm! doing any sexual activities would become a chore for me ... (except I get pleasures from doing chores), why is that?! is it me?

And the poor man try every night with everything he could think of from just giving me oral for hours on end and have me do nothing in return! So I feel bad sometimes and would ask him what he wants and he would just answer "to give you the pleasure that you give me", yeah well sorry honey I'll just give the illusion of satisfaction, yep that's right faking it.

My friend say that you just need the "right one" to make it feel good, but what do you think? etc. (to my horror I'm starting to grow weary of sex altogether o.O)

OMG!!! Don't fake an orgasm. If something that he's doing/not doing isn't working, talk to him. If you keep faking, you'll just keep getting tired of sex. Why do that to yourself and your man? There are specialists, doctors and therapists that you can talk to...maybe they have an answer for you.

hmm toughie
 

Maybe your just not attracted to him sexually? He may fulfill every other desire that a woman would want in a man but sexual attraction is important. Plus if the guy feels like he isn't satisfying you that may lower his self esteem and it may manifest itself in other aspects of the relationship. Because, lets face it ladies, men take pride in their sexual prowess. If they don't think they are doing a good job insecurities may develop for every other aspect of the relationship. Do you find him sexy? Do you find him desireable? If yes great! Maybe it just may take a more emotional attachment to reach orgasm? How long have you known him? Stuff like that to think about and to take into account too :)

So are you saying you cannot have an orgasm even during masturbation?

If you can, you need to have your boyfriend emulate what you do when you are alone.

If you cannot, you need to learn to experiment to see if you can have an orgasm. Try everything--from sex toys to movies.

Personally, I think learning to give yourself an orgasm is the most important thing. You'll be the most comfortable. You won't have to fake anything. And then you will be able to articulate what you want.

I can imagine how stressful this is for you and your boyfriend. If nothing worked, would you be willing to talk to a doctor about this?

Thanks everyone, I think the specailist is the way to go, I'll probably talk to the doctor about it. I just wanted to see if anyone have experience this before, but I guess its just me >.<.

It's not just you :icare: i will share my experience:


first of all... I don't think it has to do with being with 'the right person'... not at all..

I didn't orgasm for the first 3 years of having sex, I never had masturbated before or done anything like that and just like you, i was becoming frustrated with sex with my husband, who would try everything....... and i spoke to my gyno.. about it... her advice: Get a vibrator and teach yourself how to have an orgasm... '

Do you masturbate? Have you acheived orgasm by yourself??

Well, i was a little sheepish of getting a vibrator... but i did finally get one and i set the mood for myself and starting touching my clit with the vibrator... it really got me hot and i had my first ever orgasm.... now, some years later, i reach orgasm once, twice, sometimes three times in a day, both with my husband doing oral sex on me and masturbating...

So, my advice to you would be to really focus on masturbating... and get a vibrator. As my gyno. explained, reaching orgasm is something the body needs to be taught sometimes...

I hope this all works out... be patient with yourself and try not to fake with your S.O, just be honest and open with him about your issue and maybe he can help you pick out your new vibrator :)

i hope something i said can be of help...

but don't get down on yourself... LOTS of women have this problem, trust me.

sweetpea

there is so much pressure on women, especially from women's magazines to achieve the big o that women are often made to feel like failures if the don't every time.

It's more normal to not have an orgasm every time than it is to have one... (least according to one of the last articles i read- I'm sure next month that will change too)

Orgasms are 90 percent mental and 10 percent physical _- ok so I made up the percentage - but it's more mental than physical and you might be putting too muchthought into why you aren't having one and worrying if you will rather than enjoying the process and if you have one.. well hot diggity...

I know I've had problems over the years because of my 'control freak' tendencies and not fully trusting the person I was with to really lose control...

Concentrate on foreplay... ask him to read you erotic stories, or penthouse forum letters or something along that lines... and just let your mind go... and your body...

I have found that if I'm focussed on what he's doing, nothing happens. Some things work very easily, including fantasizing while he's at work(closing my eyes and 'seeing' what's happening that way for some reason makes it hotter) or working on HIM, ie: 69 or,(this works 99,9% of the time, for me at least), giving a bj and being 'played with' as I do. Like Mal the Wise said, sex is 90% mental-let yourself go and wonderful things can happen. Too much concentration and thinking will kill it every time.

To echo what a couple of others said, I was never able to have an orgasm with a partner until I learned how by myself using a vibrator. You might want to try this both by yourself and use one as part of your foreplay.

Also, experiment, get the mood right, try games and fantasies. Everyone is different; bondage works wonders for me, but does nothing for Grace.

And you know what? It's ok not to have an orgasm. They're nice, sure, but not necessary. Sex is about a lot more than that. Enjoy the sensuality, the closeness it brings without expecting more. There's nothing wrong with just enjoying the other things that sex brings.

Most of all, don't make it into a goal oriented activity, like it's a game where you win if you have an orgasm and lose if you don't. It's about connecting with someone else in a way that you can't do with any other activity, a physical, emotional, and for many, spiritual connection. Treat it like dancing, like an activity you engage in because it's fun by itself, and stop worrying about whether you win or not. It's not a competition.

Gilda

Yikes, I guess I'm the minority here, but I've never had problem having an orgasm. Of course, I began mastrubating around 13, so that probably has a lot to do with it. I knew how to please myself before I ever got involved with a guy. Now, sometimes it can difficult to have an orgasm and this goes back to the mental part of the act others have mentioned. Either I had a tough day at work or I'm just not in the mood at the time. However, that is rare.

I would strongly suggest taking time to pleasure yourself. You don't need a big toy or anything to do that either. In fact, I never had a vibrator until I was 21. Your hand and the way you move can help a lot.

Since you are in a relationship talk to your partner about what you like, you may even have to assist to lead him in the right direction. Try a variety of positions because different positions have different effects. I could go into tmi right now so I will stop there....

Anyway, experiment, relax, and have fun. That's what life is all about. :D

Oops, I forgot to answer your questions...NO there is not one 'right' guy or girl. You just need a mature guy who is patient to work with you. :)

Ah Ha! see I was appeal to him by my sex driven hormones...so there wasn't much sentimental feeling there, and that is why this is a "gift" and not a relationship.And I guess I have lots more to learn about sex -_-. Its just that I feel wierd because I always though that's what sex is all about, feeling good which is the orgasm(I kind of thought orgasm was a natural result of sex). Now I kind of feel ignorant >.<.

My first time was to the one I really felt deeply for and it was undefinable but we're over and the guy right now is just the second guy I've been with , before that I've never tried masterbating which is probably why too, I should learn more about myself before concerning about why I cant recieve get what I want from someone else when I dont even know what I want, wow! all of a sudden I feel selfish...

ahaah alright!Not only have I came to many realization, but also learn more about myself (or atleast will be), this is very educational and I have you guys to thanks :D.

Not much else to add as the other ladies have covered it all well. :) I just thought I'd add a few links that relate to your question, particularily that it's perfectly normal and fine to not have mind blowing orgasms every time you have sex! :p And also some good informative reasons as to why and what you can do to make things better for both yourself and your partner. :)

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articl...34/ai_82261855
http://www.enotalone.com/article/2286.html

I don't think there's any specific 'right one' for a person to orgasm.

Just as the others have said, try and pleasure yourself first, to see what works, without potentially killing your partner's ego. Then at least when you get him in the bedroom, it's easier to direct him. If he's going down on you, I've found that right before cumming, moving his head in a certain manners allows more stimulation on the clitoris. Sometimes, lifting your hips on a pillow helps too. Maybe you're too pressured about cumming that you can't relax.

Don't pressure yourself too much to have some major orgasm ( as Mal said ). Try and try, and hell we gotta commend the guy for continuously going at it. And hell if all that hasn't worked, maybe you just aren't sexually turned on by him...

Don't feel ignorant, isn't that why we're all here? To share our own knowledge and experiences--(regardless of how they're perceived). Congrats on at least knowing what the issue might be.

I've already recommended Rachel Swift's How to have an orgasm as often as you want book about orgasms some time ago as it is such a frequent subject to be discussed here.

"Editorial Reviews
Book Description
It’s a simple and pleasant experience that millions of women struggle with on a regular basis: having an orgasm. After years of frustrating, orgasmless sex, Rachel Swift chose to confront the problem. She devised a remarkable plan to teach herself to have an orgasm—as often as she wanted. How to Have an Orgasm ... As Often as You Want is her bestselling courageous, witty, and controversial guide that has successfully helped women throughout the world better understand how orgasms work and how to have more enjoyable, fulfilling sexual experiences—with or without the full cooperation of their partners. In clear, honest language focused on realities, not ideals, Swift covers all of the emotional and physical aspects involved in mastering the female orgasm, and offers straightforward steps for achieving it. This is essential reading for every woman who’s ever had trouble reaching orgasm and wants to find out how to transform her sex life forever"

It really is a brilliant and intelligent book and I highly recommend it if you want to master the big O.

You can take a sneak peak of the book here :)

Hmmmm that sounds mighty interesting.................

Interesting indeed