Friends that are women
 

Why do all you friends have to stap you in the back????

You tell them things that bother you cause that is what friends are for. Then they turn around and use it to hurt you with the guy you were talking about. Dosen't make sense....

ok see I told you already in my "flip flop" thread about my ex boyfriend. Well we started to be friends. Well one of our friends who I thought was helping me deal with all the shit that was going down, was turning around and telling him everything. So he gets mad at me and now we are not talking at all.

So I just don't get it anymore. Who can you trust anymore who can you talk to. Maybe I should just close that chapter in my life and get all new friends.

That is a good idea but on thurs. We ALL go skating. I have gone with my sister in law cause I didn't want to hang out with the same group as him. Not being childish but I don't think I could handle it.

I dont' know what to do? I love skating and I don't want to give up something I love because of somepeople that are there.

Well, I don't think it's so much a "woman friend" thing as it is just a bad choice in a friend, period. Not all women will turn around and betray your confidence. As far as hanging out where they are, just go. It probably won't be as uncomfortable as you think. Just try to be confident and relax. Sometimes you have to confront situations head-on to dispel the inflated fears you mock up in your head. We all do it from time to time.

Exactly. This is why when you make friends, you do it incrementally. Once you think they may be a good friend, share a few things, see how it goes. There's no need to get verbal diarrhea and confess all one's sins and share every deep secret thing in one's heart right away. This takes time.

It never hurts to play your cards close to your chest. You can always say something, but you can never "un-say" something.

just because these people are going to be there.. you shouldn't worry about them being there. if skating is something that you love and you do have people worthy there with you, then that's all that matters. i've been in similar situations and i know how uncomfortable it can be, especially when the people you want to avoid are immature. whatever you do, know that you weren't wrong for anything that happened. you confided in a "friend" and that person betrayed you.

also...

there are people you can trust. i've learned this after large amounts of trial and error. a good way to start again is to do as Sultana said:

after you do something like this.. it's easy to see who you can trust.

i hope this helps :)

That's why I tend to pour my heart out to strangers on line. Less chance of it coming back to get you in the end. Too many people have their own agendas in life. Hate to sound so pessimistic but it is hard to trust anyone.

[takes notes]

Yes it does.

You know what's cool? There's an actual word for "verbal diarrhea", logorrhea.

Conversely, you don't want to overdo it in this direction, or you end up like me.

STEPHY, I can sympathize with what you're saying here. I personally have the opposite problem in that I have difficulty trusting anybody. There's nothing wrong with putting yourself and your feelings out there, sharing them with a friend to make them easier to deal with. If I didn't have my sister and my wife to do that with when things get difficult, I know I'd be in a difficult place.

You didn't do anything wrong sharing what you did with the person you thought was your friend. You made a mistake, and that's ok. You learned something about this woman you needed to know, and now you can move on. Don't give up the things you enjoy because of this. Make new friends, take Sultana's advice and move a little bit slower this time, and you'll eventually find that confidant you're looking for.

:D

I sometimes put stuff in my journal here before I've even shared it with my therapist. The anonymity of the internet does enable one to be a little more brave than in real life, which breeds jerks sometimes, but it also allows for those of us who tend to close ourselves off to open up because it's safe.

Gilda

That is cool.

Trust is best earned and not given. I have been around the block a few times and this is the best policy I have found... Ok so you wanna be friends... general convo is fine but no good gossip or secrets. In time as one proves to me they can be trusted I will loosen up a bit. Someone new comes in to work I dont care what anyone has said about you. I will make my own opinons based upon how you treat me and what I see you do.

I've never had many female friends...and the ones that I do make and keep tend to be very close, and ones that I know my secrets are safe with. I don't know why I'm like this...but I just am.

It takes a while to learn to trust someone, like previous posters have said...learn from your mistakes and go into your future friendships a bit wiser.

I know that I have friends--well, maybe just acquaintances-- that I like a lot but know that I can't really trust. I also have friends that I can trust in some ways, but not others. Example--I have one friend that I could loan $1000 and know that I would be repaid. She is 100% cash-register honest. On the other hand, you can't tell her anything in confidence. A couple of years ago, when I first met her, I happened to say in kind of an off-hand way that I was going in for a mammogram the next week. By the time it got back to me, the story was that I was having problems with my breast implants. I don't even have implants. So, she is not only a gossip, but an "embroiderer" as well.
One thing about men, for all their drawbacks, at least most of them aren't gossips.
Lindy

i share nothing with female friends. not because they are untrustworthy, but because I am uncomfortable doing so. I have never shared a private concern with a female outside of the TFP Ladies Lounge.

I share my innermost thoughts with Turbotom, his best buddy, and the folks here at the TFP. It's just more comfortable for me.

The kinds of girl friends who you can trust with your deeper secrets and know they will not betray you are rare. All the more reason to value the ones that you do find that you can trust. Friendship is built, just like any relationship, and people will hurt each other, it's part of the 'relationship' story. But some hurts will be the kind that can heal easier, those are the friends to keep. The ones that hurt you to help you.

Have you talked to your friend and asked her why she betrayed you? It could have been just the excitement of shocking your boyfriend by sharing all your dirt. OR it could have been that she didn't think you two belonged together. Now she should have told you so if that was the case and she went about it all wrong but... you could use this to teach her that she hurt you by not being worthy of your trust.

I've been hurt by friends that I trusted so well, lost good friends that way. It's made me be a tad more careful about what I share and with who. I still share too much I think at times. I've recently had friends turn on me because I've given them too much ammo. It's disappointing, frustrating, and painful. It does get better at least.

I learned from exeperience....i dont tell anything to the girlfriends that i have(not i that i have many to begin with)
I have resolved to dealing with things on my own
might be not be the best way but then again both options have risks
but its been working well for me thus far because silence is the tru friend dat neva betrays

What should we do then? Stop having friends? There are certain things you just can't talk to man and need a woman your age to understand. And you can never know which of your friend hides a b**ch...if you cant see them then just ignore them...start new relationships...maybe later you will be able to talk to them again when everything's calmed down...this has happened to me a few times in my life...but even if those people came back to me I found out I had moved on and there was no need to go back to past relationships especially if you have to start over wih the guilt they feel towards you, or you feel towards them or even worse...they want you to feel towards them.