Settling in your life...

[analog]

At what point do you look at where you are and what you have, and stop settling for what you have? When do you strike that hot iron rather than letting it cool because you're just settling for what you've got?

Are you like a friend of mine who settles for his "meh" relationship, even though there is a female friend of his with whom he really clicks, simply because he's already in a relationship? At what point do YOU stop settling for what life brings you, what life thrusts upon you, what stagnant realities in which you live, and grab the reigns back from fate to make change for yourself?

My friend is settling. He's happy enough, I guess, but takes opportunities to fill up his time with his chick with forced-closeness activities. It almost seems like he's intentionally trying to keep the thing going when he's really pretty sure it just isn't working anymore. Meanwhile, the chick he talks with is stuck liking a guy in a relationship, feeling guilty (I know both of them, and thankfully she's pretty comfortable with talking to me) because she likes a guy who's with someone, but at the same time missing him. He tells her he misses her, but I can't imagine how it makes her feel to see him say that but have absolutely no interest whatsoever in doing anything about it.

The hardest thing, she told me once, was having to hear him say it's bad timing. He even said something to the effect of, "maybe in another life". So not only is he settling for what he has, but he's making every reason not to accept that sometimes people click, and not every relationship stands the test of time, simply because they've already been together for a few years.

So... how much do you settle, and how much of your life is the way it is because you've settled rather than taken action?

[Estevez]

The moment you settle, you are dooming yourself to a life of regret and remorse. And, spending everyday wondering what could have been and wasn't because of apathy, fear, or a thousand other reasons.

Originally Posted by analog

So... how much do you settle, and how much of your life is the way it is because you've settled rather than taken action?

For me, I've gone from being a pre-med student to a college dropout living with his parents, so I've done a little bit of settling. Thanks for asking

[FoolThemAll]

Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. Whether you marry or you do not marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. Whether you laugh at the stupidities of the world or you weep over them, you will regret it either way. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Whether you trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Hang yourself, and you will regret it. Do not hang yourself, and you will also regret it. Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way. Whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way.

- Diapsalmata, Kierkegaard

His aethete characters were a ray of sunshine, weren't they?

Oh, as for me, I haven't settled. But I act as though I have, and actions speak louder than words. The big roadblock is always that first interview, because I suck at self-promotion and I despise it as well.

[Charlatan]

I try not to settle on any part of my life... there are times where I have compromised but I have never settled.

The trick is to recognize that you don't have to have what you want right away... sometimes you just need to take the long view of things.

[dirtyrascal7]

Sometimes you have to give up something good in order to get something great.

I think some people are just so risk averse that they would rather settle for the "meh" life because they're afraid to go for their dreams and end up falling short of them. Personally, I'd rather achieve 80% of my dreams with a whole string of failures to my name than achieve 20% of them and only a few failures.

[Supple Cow]

Yep, you have to do it now. It's always now.

I think the things that have settled into my life were more because I wasn't paying enough attention, and when I was younger, because I was too afraid of risk.

[Jinn]

Or maybe he likes his girlfriend more than he's letting on to you (or her?) Male machismo is pretty ridiculous sometimes, and I've had friends stupid enough to pretend they didn't like their girlfriends that much, just because they thought it was cool. It wasn't.

There's something to be said for the grass-is-greener phenomenon, and perhaps he only "clicks" with this girl because he can't have her (or she can't have him). Maybe "clicking" isn't enough?

It's really difficult to monday-morning quarterback someone else's relationship, as it's hard to know what goes on behind closed doors. I've had moments and people that have made me question my relationship, as I "clicked" with them. But ultimately it was fleeting.. the next times I saw them it was less-than-magical, and I realized exactly what I'd be missing.

If we all jumped at the first sign of "clicking," there'd be no long-term relationships. There are a lot of great things that come with being for someone for a while, things you can't just pick up with a new relationship.

I've always been one for making sure the risk is really worth the reward, and it certainly wasn't in my case. Maybe it's not for him, either.

[Cynthetiq]

there are many things I can pick at with my wife in comparison to other girls that I "fit" better with... but truth be told, my wife is what is best for me.

So for the few hours or maybe days that another I "clicked" with, doesn't compare to the times when my wife has stood beside me in times of dire need, the of the wedding vows that didn't sound so great but people say okay to them because they think they will never happen.