Excerpts from a dog and cat diaries - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Jim Kata · 03-26-2004, 05:20 AM

Made me laugh

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

6:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE

6:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING IN MASTER'S BED! MY FAVORITE!

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EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY

DAY 183 OF MY CAPTIVITY

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event, however, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured, but I can wait, it's only a matter of time...

kwoodmex · 03-26-2004, 07:16 AM

Ah the life of a dog, what I wouldn't give. Especially my dog, all she does is sleep all day on a giant pillow.

I've read this before, but I always get a good chuckle.

Luki · 03-26-2004, 11:36 AM

I got this in my email about two months ago... it's great...

03-26-2004, 05:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
Jim Kata Swollen Member Location: Northern VA	Excerpts from a dog and cat diaries Made me laugh EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! 6:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE 6:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING IN MASTER'S BED! MY FAVORITE! ---------------------------------------- EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY DAY 183 OF MY CAPTIVITY My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event, however, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured, but I can wait, it's only a matter of time...

03-26-2004, 11:36 AM	#3 (permalink)
Luki Crazy Location: Central Illinois	I got this in my email about two months ago... it's great... __________________ Your part is silent you little toad - a line from the new phantom of the opera

03-26-2004, 07:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
kwoodmex Crazy	Ah the life of a dog, what I wouldn't give. Especially my dog, all she does is sleep all day on a giant pillow. I've read this before, but I always get a good chuckle.