A few mildly amusing ones [FR/EN] - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

TwoToTango · 02-27-2004, 01:05 PM

A few little jokes in French, as found, along with
my attempts at translations:

"Ho lala mon vieux, hier j'ai couché avec une femme,
j'te dis pas, elle avait le clitoris comme un cornichon!!!"

"Quoi? comme un cornichon? tu te fous de moi ou quoi ?"

"Non non, je t'assure, comme un cornichon"

"Mais enfin, c'est pas possible un clitoris gros comme
un cornichon ???!!!???"

"J'tai pas dis gros, AIGRE."

=+=+=+

"Whoo boy, my friend, yesterday I slept with a woman
-- I'm tellin' you, she had a clitoris like a pickle!"

"What? Like a pickle? Are you fuckin' with me or what?"

"No, no, I assure you: like a pickle."

"But... well... a clitoris as big as a pickle isn't
possible!"

"I didn't say big. Sour."

================================

Un type arrive en Enfer. Il voit une magnifique tablée
avec de belles femmes et de bonnes bouteilles.

Il s'asseoit et demande:

"Quelle belle fête, c'est comme cela tous les jours?"

Son voisin lui répond: "Oui, tous les jours. Mais le
problème c'est que les bouteilles ont un trou et que les
femmes n'en ont pas!"

=+=+=+

A guy arrives in Hell. He sees a magnificent display
of beatuiful women and bottles of fine liquors.

He sits down and says:

"What a great feast! Is it like this every day?"

His neighbor responds: "Yes, every day. But the problem
is: the bottles all have holes in them... and the women
don't!"

================================

Comment est-on sûr que Dieu n'était pas une femme?

"Parce que si Dieu était une femme, alors le sperme aurait
le goût du chocolat..."

=+=+=+

How can we be sure that God isn't a woman?

If God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.

=================================

C'est la première fois qu'elle va chez un psychiatre.
Elle est blonde, belle et timide.

"Racontez-moi tous vos ennuis. Étendez-vous d'abord sur
ce divan."

"J'aimerais mieux pas. C'est comme ça que tout a commencé."

=+=+=+

She goes to the psychiatrist for her first visit. She's
blonde, beautiful, and shy.

"Tell me all your troubles. But first, stretch out on
this couch."

"I'd rather not. That's how everything got started."

==================================

Une princesse se promène le long d'un étang dans les
jardins royaux, quand tout à coup en regardant par terre,
elle voit une grenouille vraiment laide. Ramassant la
grenouille, elle passe des commentaires sur l'apparence
plutôt hideuse de la créature.

La princesse: "Non, mais tu es vraiment très laide pour
une grenouille!"

La grenouille: "Je sais, je sais, j'ai reçu un mauvais sort."

La princesse: "Et bien, j'ai vu des grenouilles avec des
mauvais sorts mais aucune aussi laide que toi."

La grenouille: "Regarde, laisse-moi tranquille. Je t'ai
dit, c'est vraiment un mauvais sort."

La princesse: "Ça m'est bien égal. Donc, si je t'embrasse
est-ce que tu deviendras un prince?"

La grenouille: "Je ne sais pas, un mauvais sort comme
celui-là demandera probablement une pipe."

=+=+=+

A princess was walking by a pond in the royal gardens,
when all of a sudden she saw on the ground a truly ugly
frog. Picking up the frog, she remarked on the rather
hideous appearance of the creature.

Princess: "Oh, but you are a very ugly frog!"

Frog: "I know, I know. I'm under an evil spell."

Princess: "Well now, I've seen frogs under evil spells
before, but never one as ugly as you."

Frog: "Look, just leave me in peace. I told you, it was
truly an evil spell."

Princess: "It's all the same to me. So, if I kiss you,
would you turn into a prince?"

Frog: "I don't know. A spell this evil probably requires
a blow job."

grumpyolddude · 02-27-2004, 02:07 PM

Not bad, Tango!

I heard the pickle joke a different way, though. Y'see there's these two mortician friends talking. "I just embalmed a woman with a clitoris like a pickle...""That big?" "No, that sour!"
(Of course, it's always more humorous in french)

pinklily · 02-27-2004, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by grumpyolddude
(Of course, it's always more humorous in french)

everything is more humorous in french. I heart french jokes.

twilightfoix · 02-28-2004, 08:46 PM

damn that frog one was funny

kulrblind · 03-04-2004, 09:20 AM

Great jokes. The added bonus was that I got to practice my French, and learn some quality slang

Slacks_01 · 03-04-2004, 11:53 AM

most of them were pretty funny!

KellyC · 03-04-2004, 09:11 PM

the last one about the Fugly frog really hits me.

small one · 03-05-2004, 01:45 AM

The lsat one was best

mystmarimatt · 03-05-2004, 01:51 AM

the last one was greatt. I love a cynic.

mastboyx · 03-06-2004, 10:25 AM

hahaha the sour one, funny and gross

02-27-2004, 01:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
TwoToTango Psycho	A few mildly amusing ones [FR/EN] A few little jokes in French, as found, along with my attempts at translations: "Ho lala mon vieux, hier j'ai couché avec une femme, j'te dis pas, elle avait le clitoris comme un cornichon!!!" "Quoi? comme un cornichon? tu te fous de moi ou quoi ?" "Non non, je t'assure, comme un cornichon" "Mais enfin, c'est pas possible un clitoris gros comme un cornichon ???!!!???" "J'tai pas dis gros, AIGRE." =+=+=+ "Whoo boy, my friend, yesterday I slept with a woman -- I'm tellin' you, she had a clitoris like a pickle!" "What? Like a pickle? Are you fuckin' with me or what?" "No, no, I assure you: like a pickle." "But... well... a clitoris as big as a pickle isn't possible!" "I didn't say big. Sour." ================================ Un type arrive en Enfer. Il voit une magnifique tablée avec de belles femmes et de bonnes bouteilles. Il s'asseoit et demande: "Quelle belle fête, c'est comme cela tous les jours?" Son voisin lui répond: "Oui, tous les jours. Mais le problème c'est que les bouteilles ont un trou et que les femmes n'en ont pas!" =+=+=+ A guy arrives in Hell. He sees a magnificent display of beatuiful women and bottles of fine liquors. He sits down and says: "What a great feast! Is it like this every day?" His neighbor responds: "Yes, every day. But the problem is: the bottles all have holes in them... and the women don't!" ================================ Comment est-on sûr que Dieu n'était pas une femme? "Parce que si Dieu était une femme, alors le sperme aurait le goût du chocolat..." =+=+=+ How can we be sure that God isn't a woman? If God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate. ================================= C'est la première fois qu'elle va chez un psychiatre. Elle est blonde, belle et timide. "Racontez-moi tous vos ennuis. Étendez-vous d'abord sur ce divan." "J'aimerais mieux pas. C'est comme ça que tout a commencé." =+=+=+ She goes to the psychiatrist for her first visit. She's blonde, beautiful, and shy. "Tell me all your troubles. But first, stretch out on this couch." "I'd rather not. That's how everything got started." ================================== Une princesse se promène le long d'un étang dans les jardins royaux, quand tout à coup en regardant par terre, elle voit une grenouille vraiment laide. Ramassant la grenouille, elle passe des commentaires sur l'apparence plutôt hideuse de la créature. La princesse: "Non, mais tu es vraiment très laide pour une grenouille!" La grenouille: "Je sais, je sais, j'ai reçu un mauvais sort." La princesse: "Et bien, j'ai vu des grenouilles avec des mauvais sorts mais aucune aussi laide que toi." La grenouille: "Regarde, laisse-moi tranquille. Je t'ai dit, c'est vraiment un mauvais sort." La princesse: "Ça m'est bien égal. Donc, si je t'embrasse est-ce que tu deviendras un prince?" La grenouille: "Je ne sais pas, un mauvais sort comme celui-là demandera probablement une pipe." =+=+=+ A princess was walking by a pond in the royal gardens, when all of a sudden she saw on the ground a truly ugly frog. Picking up the frog, she remarked on the rather hideous appearance of the creature. Princess: "Oh, but you are a very ugly frog!" Frog: "I know, I know. I'm under an evil spell." Princess: "Well now, I've seen frogs under evil spells before, but never one as ugly as you." Frog: "Look, just leave me in peace. I told you, it was truly an evil spell." Princess: "It's all the same to me. So, if I kiss you, would you turn into a prince?" Frog: "I don't know. A spell this evil probably requires a blow job."

02-27-2004, 02:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
grumpyolddude Deliberately unfocused Location: Amazon.com and CDBaby	Not bad, Tango! I heard the pickle joke a different way, though. Y'see there's these two mortician friends talking. "I just embalmed a woman with a clitoris like a pickle...""That big?" "No, that sour!" (Of course, it's always more humorous in french) __________________ "Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

03-04-2004, 09:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	the last one about the Fugly frog really hits me. __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

03-05-2004, 01:51 AM	#9 (permalink)
mystmarimatt Omnipotent Ruler Of The Tiny Universe In My Mind Location: Oreegawn	the last one was greatt. I love a cynic. __________________ Words of Wisdom: If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane.

03-06-2004, 10:25 AM	#10 (permalink)
mastboyx Insane Location: Mexico	hahaha the sour one, funny and gross __________________ Ignorance Is Bliss

02-28-2004, 08:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
twilightfoix Insane Location: in the clouds ;)	damn that frog one was funny

03-04-2004, 09:20 AM	#5 (permalink)
kulrblind plays well with others Location: Canada	Great jokes. The added bonus was that I got to practice my French, and learn some quality slang

03-04-2004, 11:53 AM	#6 (permalink)
Slacks_01 Tilted	most of them were pretty funny!

03-05-2004, 01:45 AM	#8 (permalink)
small one Banned Location: York	The lsat one was best