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Do you find your friendships forged here meaningful?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by genuinemommy, Aug 3, 2016.

  1. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    I have grown to depend on the collective conscious here quite a bit over the past decade. I see us as a community, and thanks to various meet-ups, I view some specific people here as true friends.

    But recently someone told me that they don't understand how anyone could have real, meaningful friendships with people they met online.

    I'd like to chalk that up to ignorance on their part, but the words were from a source that I consider reputable enough that I believe it is worth debating, internally and on here.

    For instance, when I look at cutting out @cynthetic or @Snowy from my list of dear friends, I am left with an overwhelming feeling of disconnect. No. I know them. Thoroughly and completely. We have shared a window to our lives and to our souls through this space. They are truly my friends. Sure, they didn't attend my wedding or my daughters' first birthday parties. But... their importance in my life cannot be discounted simply because I met them through the TFP.

    I'm not sure where to go with this... but rather than making this a blog entry, I'd like to leave this open to others to comment and share their thoughts on the topic.
     
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  2. martian

    martian Server Monkey Staff Member

    Location:
    Mars
    I think that's a very old school way of thinking. People make friends online. People fall in love online. It's not weird anymore, it's just part of this interconnected existence we all share.

    Why couldn't you make friends online? You interact with people. You share parts of yourself. You entertain and are entertained. What else is required of a friend? What aspect of friendship requires physical interaction?

    It's funny because I remember asking myself questions like this a decade ago when I was attending my first meetups. As I recall Charlatan was there, along with amonkie, and I think aberkok as well. cellophanedeity too, though she doesn't come around here much anymore. I decided to just roll with it at the time, and I'm glad I did really.

    A bunch of you have slept on my floor. I mean, that's evidence of friendship, but you know what else is? That I invited a bunch of people I only knew on the internet to come sleep on my floor. I don't really feel like I have to justify those relationships. You're all my friends, whether I've met you in meatspace or not, and that's good enough for me.
     
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  3. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    @Martian has a comfortable futon, and @kramus is a gracious host. @amonkie officiated my wedding. You, @genuinemommy has been there for me, and I hope I have been there for you. @Baraka_Guru and I exchange random messages on a regular basis because there are just some things in life other people don't or won't get. And that is just a smattering of the beauty I have experienced due to these friendships. Part of what was gratifying about the Great Toronto Meetup of 2013 was getting to meet some of my oldest friends.

    To me, these things are evidence of true and lasting friendships. I talk about all of you with my husband and others with no need to mention that you are "Internet friends" because, to me, that's a dumb qualifier, and I guarantee that if you talk to someone below the age of 25, they could give a crap. Plus, many of these friendships have since stretched beyond the place where they were first made, and I love that.
     
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  4. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member



    For me, a friendship would need to eventually advance beyond JUST online interaction at some point. But to dismiss everyone you ever "met online" from the possibility of true friendship seems a bit extreme. Years ago there was a guy from another space who I first got to know online. Eventually it got to where we'd chat on the phone most days on my drive home, which coincided with his west coast lunch break. That went on for years. We grew very close, and eventually got to hang out multiple times. I do think the natural progression is to expand beyond online interaction for those that you truly become meaningful friends with. But there are lots of occasions where the online contact continues to be the vast majority of the interaction.
     
  5. martian

    martian Server Monkey Staff Member

    Location:
    Mars
    Eh. @snowy is a pretty close friend for me and it took us years to get around to IRL hangouts. We're close enough that she was one of the first people I told when I found out I'm going to be a daddy.

    But I live a largely digital life to begin with so maybe my perspective is skewed.
     
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  6. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    If you are referencing my comment, IMO what you described between yourself and @snowy fits what I was saying. Eventually, at some point, the progression of most (not all) people with deep meaningful relationships that span many years probably is that they find a way to meet IRL. Due to geography, life, and/or whatever else, they may only meet once, twice, or a handful of times. For sure there are outliers. And maybe my definition of a meaningful friendship is more strict than some other peoples (past experience says it may be). But if most people here make a list of the top 2-3 friends that they met online, I'll bet they've met them IRL at least once?
     
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  7. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    I've been really fortunate to meet most of the people I consider close friends that I met via the Internet.
     
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  8. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    Yes. Been there, and then some. Thank you for your insight and friendship.
     
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  9. omega

    omega Very Tilted

    My girlfriend's son is flying out to north of Detroit right before college starts to hang out with an online friend from his mine craft group. Last year another kid in college was offering for him to come out during the summer while he was in highschool. He would have been hanging out with college kids that were friends from minecraft. I used to think it strange that he very rarely got together with other kids but then I realized that he plays all of these collaborative games like overwatch, payday, and gta5. In his mind, he is probably socializing all the time. When he was building his computer, he had his phone on and was listening to two friends playing some game. He wasn't even talking to them but was privy to their conversation.
    I look at the relationships that started here and ended up in real relationships. I have seen several in the ten years or so I have been active. So it's definitely real. I met my girlfriend online, but not through here. And there are a few people I wouldn't mind meeting in real life.
     
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  10. Charlatan

    Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage

    Location:
    Temasek
    I have been coming here for over ten years and consider quite a few people here to be friends, some close friends.

    The Internet has meant that our social circles are not limited to face to face. People who can't see that, or don't understand how it can be so, are simply not using that aspect of the Internet, or don't recognize it when they see it.
     
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  11. Stan

    Stan Resident Dumbass

    Location:
    Colorado
    I have friends that I go skiing with, friends that share a similar taste in music, friends that ride motorcycles, and friends here and elsewhere that I met on the internet.

    I go 6 months without talking to my ski buddies, skiing is really all we have in common; but damn, are they good skiers and it's really a hoot to ski steep stupid stuff with folks that have the same taste.
    It's similar with my motorcycle buddies, geezers my age that want to ride canyons a bit too fast are hard to come by. Just stfu about politics and we'll get along fine.

    It's much the same with internet friends. I'm not opposed to meeting folks, though it generally involves a business trip somewhere for me or a vacation in CO for them.
     
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  12. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    Short answer: Yes, definitely.



    Slightly longer answer: It continues to be an honor to interact with many of you here. When members have reason to celebrate, it puts me in a good mood. When members have cause for sorrow, I grieve too.

    The few I have been privileged to meet in person are just as impressive as their online counterparts.

    If the plug here ever gets pulled, it won't be an easy thing to get over.
     
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  13. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Many
    @redravin was my groomsman, I was his.
    Sagas, traumas, griefs, life events, fun, games... (with a variety of people)
    Sometimes drinks (like @uncle_phil sometimes when he could come down)
    Sometimes events (like @damnitall recently)
    Even loves & flings

    I've traveled near & far to see them (like @*nikki*) , even flew some to me. (like @halx)
    A few were unreal IRL...most were real, genuine, wysiwyg
    I've invested myself in the friends here as much as IRL.

    It's about if you're sincere and not wear a mask.
    Not so much your face or name, but what's in your heart. (revealing sometimes more than what you can or allow IRL)

    What you give is what you get.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2016
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  14. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Location:
    North
    I have a really long post to do on this but I'll put this here as a place holder.
    Online relationships are what you make of them.
    I made a marriage and some some very good friends.
     
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  15. amonkie

    amonkie Very Tilted

    Location:
    Windy City
    When I first joined TFP, I was at a stage in my life that I had the freedom and financial means to travel the USA, Canada, and Mexico on a rather frequent basis. Over the course of my travels, I made it a point to connect and seek out quite a few TFP folks, and have many solid relationships to thank for it. At this point, I know many of these folks by their IRL name and barely remember their Internet handle.

    I think you will get out of these relationships what you put in. I have laughed, loved, experienced heartbreak, moved 3,000 miles across the country, mourned, and celebrated life for over a decade within this group. TFP became embedded in the fabric of my life and what has actually made me, me. A Big thank you to those who were and are a part of that.
     
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  16. Fangirl

    Fangirl Very Tilted

    Location:
    Arizona
    Well yeah, of course. The TFP is unique in my life. The only internet people that I've trusted enough to hang with offline have been from the TFP. I'm not really good with humans. I sometimes stutter and don't always finish my sentences. That doesn't matter here, nor has it mattered when I met y'all in meatspace. There's a degree of trust (here) that made it much more comfortable for me to connect than it is otherwise when meeting people.
     
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  17. Chris Noyb

    Chris Noyb Get in, buckle up, hang on, & be quiet.

    Location:
    Large City, TX
    Many of the people here on TFP have helped me hold on to my sanity several times and in many ways.

    The sad news is I haven't been in the position to travel for leisure in quite a few years. That could be a good thing, otherwise folks might find out just how boring my existence truly is :eek:; the few interesting parts of my life are now mentioned in the past tense.

    But I have no excuse :( for not yet meeting the one TFPer who lives roughly 30 miles away.
     
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  18. Daniel_

    Daniel_ The devil made me do it...

    I've not met you, but yes, several of you are real friends who's insight and friendship I value.
     
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  19. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    :) :) :)
     
  20. POPEYE

    POPEYE Very Tilted

    Location:
    Tulsa
    This is my first and only forum here on The TFP. I feel like everyone here is a friend to me as I learn how to be one on line.
     
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