How does one build an identity?

Question: why settle on one identity?

It may be subtly or astoundingly different, but I would suggest we are legion, we contain multitudes.

There are subtle differences to how we present and appear to various people. It isn't always intentional.

 

The same but different.

Multitudes.

 

My latest decisions which have affected my identity have been to start aiming for 3 hours of practice a day, and to delete the Facebook app off of my iPhone. As a result of this I've had to face my own self much more. I can't distract myself with the FB app when I'm out of the house. Things are quieter in the mind but "problems" are more evident, and so I can get to solving them.

These problems include musical ones and life ones. Nothing big, just things any person in their 30s ought to be thinking of. Wow what a loaded sentence. Anyways... the result of all this must be my identity? I think I'm aware of what I project but I prefer spending time on the roots of things rather than the leaves. And sometimes, maybe I fool myself, but I use the outward projection to inform the work on the roots. I.E. "Ali you are a musician with a bit of rep and in an advanced degree that is funded. Shouldn't you put down PvZ2 and practice those chords a few more times??"

 

This is amazing, isn't it? The internet has been a big component in my trouble with identifying the boundaries of my self and the rest of the world. I've heard more and more people talking about this lately. I think a lot to the analogy of the frog in water--increase the heat slowly, and it will hardly notice until it's boiled. I feel as if parts of me have fallen further and further into the background as I've let myself spend more and more idle time browsing. Without the discipline of intent and control over my attention, I forgot who I was. 2 months ago, things got to such a state that I wasn't able to pay for basic things I needed for my survival anymore. The phone and internet were wrapped up in that. It wasn't until I lost my sources of distraction and comfort that I realized what a terrible state my life was in--and I've spent most of the summer just tackling each problem that comes up so that I can get to the real business of developing my skills. I think your last line about the outward projection is a very effective motivator. Often times, I've looked around and reminded myself of opportunities I've lost and the potential that I have. That I really owe it to myself to dig deep and do something with all of that potential rather than letting it stagnate.

 

I don't think of them as separate identities, but I certainly have an edited demeanor that I use for work and in other similar situations that require a certain decorum. But all of my impulses are bubbling just beneath the surface. I've gotten pretty good at gauging situations quickly and knowing what and how much I can reveal and at what speed. The older I get, the more I prefer to maintain a certain level of candor at all times. This definitely helps with nursing because much of the time people don't want a 'professional' caring for them - they want someone who makes them feel comfortable. And I can't do that if I'm pretending to be someone else.

Rather than identities, I think it is layers that we have. All part of the same personality.

 

I started to think about it that way, but I am not so sure it's layer as much different faces we use for different situation. To me, layers implies there is a true core over which we keep piling more. I think there is a core but it's always beneath a mask and we have different masks for different people and situations.

Ah heck, they are all just analogies to describe the same thing.

 

I think so.

 

This is all so fascinating I can hardly contain myself.

I felt guilty this weekend because I hadn't yet replied to Lirpa, as I had promised early last week. I consoled myself by regarding the guilt as vanity.

I'm going to do what I promised! But it's clear that Lirpa has things well in hand. Lirpa, you express that you knew what you had to do and you did it.

A book title from The Sixties—a title actually worth the entire book (it didn't have a lot of insight, if I recall)—was Been Down So Long, Looks Like Up To Me.

 

Hmmm I have been working on losing my identity for a while now ....
Looks like when I finish coming the full circle I will get there....

 

Snowy, I am really taken aback you discussed this poem in your class. I felt a lump while reading the fourth line.
How big are these kids?

 

Wow, yea that's quite a poem