Goodbye, uncle phil (NSFW - he would have wanted it that way)

Hi,

This is Phil's wife, Marilyn. I am not familiar with forums like this (even have trouble navigating Face Book and LinkedIn). Please bear with me and feel free to offer advice on how to post things... I appreciate cyn's help in getting me access so I can provide you with an update on Phil. I know many of you have been worried because you have not heard from Phil in a while. He does have a webpage at CaringBridge.com (which update on a regular basis). If you would like access to it, please let me know your e-mail address and I will be happy to send you an invitation.

In late August and early September Phil was hospitalized twice with "failure to thrive" syndrome. During these hospitalizations we discovered his lung cancer (which had already spread to his brain, pelvic bone and lymph system before he was diagnosed in March) had now spread to his spinal column and the nerves radiating from the lower spine. There were also 6 new lesions on his brain. These lesions were causing him so much distress (stoke like symptoms on one side of the body, loss of motor control of one leg and extreme nausea and vomiting) it was decided to abandon the abdominal radiations for the lymph node that was enlarged and putting pressure on the liver and pancreas and switch to full-brain radiation.

Phil has completed the full-brain radiation (10 daily treatments) and 10 of 15 daily abdominal radiation treatments. Now that the cancer has spread to so many places it is no longer possible to treat it aggressively. Thus, we have opted for in-home hospice where we can manage his pain and other symptoms until the cancer runs its course.

For now, Phil is on heavy pain medications and we increase them every few days as his symptoms change. Through all this he maintains his good spirits and sense of humor. He really looks forward to receiving the cards you have all been so good to send. He frequently asks me if I got the mail yet. Every day when I get the mail and bring him the card (sometimes 2 or 3 the same day) he perks up, puts on his glasses and reads the card(s). This is the only mail he is interested in reading and the only time he cares to put on his glasses. So, thank you so much for sending the cards and making his day! For a couple of weeks I thought he might perk up and get on his computer to check the TFP site, but now I doubt that will happen.

I will try to send updates in the future to keep you posted. Also, I will happily send you invitations to his CaringBridge.com webpage so you can see photos and past update on his battle with cancer.

Thanks for all you kind notes, cards, prayers and positive thoughts. When things get tough it is the support of friends like you that give us hope and strength to keep going. I can’t tell you how much this means to us both.

Marilyn

 

Hi Marilyn. Thank you very much for the update.

I have sent you a private message here in TFP. Please check your Inbox (you can find it in the top right corner of your window, next to "Alerts" and "Log Out") for my E-Mail.

My very best wishes for phil and everyone directly involved.

 

Hi Phil's Marilyn

I'll send you private message with my email.

And I'll restate in short terms what I said above:

YOU, Marilyn are part of THIS family.
We are part of what your Phil built
This place is Your Home up to and beyond the time Phil's cancer 'runs its course'
And you may continue to begin to make sense of what it's like sitting at this computer, writing text, and knowing that you are part of this living family, his living family as you are doing now, and feel this connection NOW and know it is beginning, and shall continue.

I am speaking to you as a relatively new member for whom this place has become my primary online home.
But I have walked through the weeks, hours and moment of the passing of a dear one due to cancer; in shoes not unlike your own.
And, albeit with a choke in my breathing, I wish you and him the very, very best, Marylin.

 

I sent a message with my email for access to caring bridge

Here are copies of just of the few of the pics I have of Phil

 

Those are nice pics, shani Uncle phil, I wanted to pop in and give you a bigggg virtual hug. Long time no talk, but I hope you hang in there buddy. Even though I've not been active on TFP for many years, know I always appreciated your posts and crazy ass sense of humor.

 

Good morning Phil's Marilyn and Uncle Phil

 

i'll not expand on Marilyn's gracious post but just to add this having just got off the phone with them both...

"Connie,

I am sorry Phil upset Hank on the phone yesterday. We did not expect him to say it would be his last phone call. We were all in shock and crying, except Phil, who kept saying “buck up, bucko”...

What I finally realized this morning at 3:00 AM when Phil woke me up to tell me he was dying and to give me some instructions to follow after his death is that yesterday he started to accept the fact that he is dying and is now getting things in order and saying good bye to his friends. I know this was hard for Hank, but it is a healthy sign that Phil has accepted the inevitable and is ready to move on to a better world. This will make it much easier for me as he is no longer fighting it as he was earlier. Now, he is just waiting for “it” to happen and he has no fear. He is prepared. I hope Hank will understand this is just part of the natural process and that Phil loves him enough to want to say good bye.

Love you both.

Marilyn"

these two are some of our dearest friends and the courage she is expressing should be endearing to us all... God bless that woman... i thought i'd share... fuck this shit

 

thanks, hank. this is obviously difficult for everyone really close with phil. i really appreciate the information that you all have provided. i hope someone can say hello to phil for me, send him my love.

this news is sad. like everyone else, i wish it were otherwise. but i'm really pleased to read that phil's come to a sense of peace and acceptance. i hope that the next phase is without pain. fun where it can be, tranquil when it can't.

sometimes words don't work so well...

 

I really need to stop reading this thread. I keep tearing up and my work colleagues are wondering why I am crying at my desk.

Those pictures of Phil in his toilet paper dress... that was such a great weekend. It was that weekend that Phil and I played in the first (and maybe only) TFP Open. We had a great morning knocking white balls around and laughing our asses off. I have spent way too many hours on this site and have taken a tonne of advice and shared in many laughs with him. As I've said above... Phil is one of the good ones.

 

From day 1, 8...9 years ago?...Phil picked on me and was the only one who could get away with it because it was never done with malice, only figurative hugs and giggles.
He admonished me to quit smoking because he did it and I admonished him to quit the cigars. Phil, I quit. But I started again and now know I have to stop. I have been helping my dad, who also has stage 4 lung cancer. It sucks. And yes, Phil, I am an idiot (I can heeeeeear youuuuuu)
Everyone here has already said what I thought. The Rochester GTG's brought a lot of us together for brief times of laughter. Smile with the knowledge that you made an impression that will not easily dissipate and perhaps even changed a few lives simply by being in them. Thank you. You old coot <3

 

ya know, there's not much I can say that hasn't been said already but the fact that people who I haven't seen in years (on here) are popping in to pay condolences, tributes and hope to Phil speaks volumes.

 

Hi Glory's Sun

I just read what you wrote, and it made visible a small elephant in the corner of my room.

I'm a recent member of this community, and in my brief experience, I've seen as Phil more like the "commentin' cat that is always there," rather than the "debatin' dawg that's jumping around the room"; a man who has caused, participated in and sustained many special, magic, sacred moments, whilst not being, in himself, loud.
Because of this, I'd estimated that "Getting to know you" was going to take me another two or three years.
Now that time is unlikely, and this combination of my newness and his FUCKIT premature leaving mean that I can and have always felt his presence strongly, but as an amorphous Good Guy.

"Speaks volumes", Glory. There's the nub.

Albeit too late to extend more than my farewells, these are the volumes I'm needing to hear, for they begin to paint, to fill in some of the picture of the man; and this thread has become, for me, an 11th hour introduction to a beloved member of my new family.

I, too, am cherishing each and every post.

Take care.

 

Ditto what Borla said.

Glad to see you, old man!

 

Ditto

 

Phil had a bit of energy today and logged into the TFP for the first time in a long while. I hope you all got a chance to read his postings. He had fun reading yours. Now he is sleeping. Thank you all for your postings, e-mails and cards. You are a wonderful supportive group of friends.