Do you care about the size of your balls?

Dammit, cynthetiq stole the joke I was setting up. Which once again proves that he's the balls of the organization and I'm just the asshole, located close to the balls but not really getting nearly as much attention or having nearly as much fun. Although I suppose that fucking with me is naughty and taboo. And I'm definitely both stinky and necessary.

 

the_jazz,

Does that make Martian the 'taint?

 

Barely noticed but easily irritated? I think so.

 

Um, I've already had them replaced with a box Willy Wonka Gobstoppers. You may notice your partner enjoying the added Ooomph! from your beanbag-like satchel pommeling her clitoris during what some call the "TeeVee Tray" position. Gobstoppers: They're everlasting, even if you aren't.

Best part? I had a small zipper installed so you can remove one if you're hankering for some hard candy.

You can thank me later.

 

Congratulations. You've officially become an Oompah-Loompah.

doopity doo​

 

Normally, I don't think the size of balls matter to guys...

...except maybe in these two particular instances, where the guys wished the balls were a bit smaller.





WAY smaller.

 

When I was getting my degree in theater, I had an accents and dialects coach who, for prepping us in posh "public school" English accents, would have us say elocution exercises he'd make up, and it was always stuff like "Paul's balls are rather small. Some say he has no balls at all. But Paul has balls, they're simply quite small."

 

I haven't done anything terribly special. Honestly, I don't use condoms as often as I probably ought. In fact, I only wear them if I'm worried about herpes, but not enough to just not fuck the girl at all. Whether I have the rubber on or not, I use the tried and true Pull-Out Method...

I have a hard time chalking it up to dumb luck because I've had sex literally thousands of times in my life and the only time I've had a kid was when I said, "Hey, I'm ready to place a parasite in this girl and watch it grow. Onward, Army of Manhood!" Those are some heavy odds.

My point was simply that I have made my choices in life and so far the patterns working for me, so I don't see a need to shrink my balls.
--- merged: Aug 22, 2012 5:30 AM ---
Oh, yeah. Another tactic I use is to only fuck girls who fit into one of two categories:

I could see spawning a child with her being a pleasant experience.

She's pro-choice.

Typically they fit into the latter category, though I've yet to have to use the option.

 

I'm glad this is working for you, but it's terrible advice. All of it.

Plus, being pro-choice doesn't mean that an abortion is a cakewalk for you. If the attitude is: we can fuck without bc because if I get pregnant, I'll just have an abortion...then I'd have to say that's a pretty ignorant attitude.

 

I'm not giving advice, I'm answering a question.

Ignorant of what, exactly? If I'm aware of the consequences of my actions, she's aware of the consequences of her actions, and we make a mutual decision with that knowledge, I'm having a hard time seeing the ignorance of the situation...

 

I love my balls. Do I care about the size? Of course I do. I want them to remain exactly how they are now. I have this fear of having old man balls that sag to my knees. Ridiculous I know. It probably stems from a Jackass episode I saw I long ime ago.

 

Because abortions are a medical procedure that can easily be avoided. Like all invasive medical procedures there is an element of risk. And like all medical procedures that involve dilating your cervix and sticking a vacuum aspirator inside your uterus, there is a measure of pain and subsequent discomfort afterwards. Not to mention the cost. Abortions can be easily avoided. Just use birth control.

 

Even with birth control, there's a chance of pregnancy. Therefore, even with birth control, I'm only fucking her if she's willing to go through everything you described in the event. That's a choice she makes, and since I don't fuck those that are incapable of consenting, I'm ensured to not fuck somebody who's incapable of making her own decisions. Plus, it's not like I say, "No way! That thin coating of rubber is a deal breaker!" She asks, I put the rubber on. If it's there and convenient I put the rubber on. If I'm not worried about it then I'm not worried about it.

I still don't see where the ignorance comes to play. I'm well aware of all the things you've pointed out. I'm well aware that my practices could lead to another child. If I somehow end up with another child, I'm well aware that I'd be just fine raising it.

That extra measure that still doesn't guarantee 100% that I will not have a child is just not worth shrinking my testicles...

 

It may be odd, but I never really think about my ball unless they hit toilet water (and as I get older that seems to be happening more and more).

Not too worried about birth control these days. A vasectomy took care of that about 10 years ago.

 

I don't know. Maybe it's just that I am from another generation. Being willing to have an abortion if one winds up with an unwanted pregnancy does not (for me) imply a laissez-faire attitude towards having an abortion. I have had an abortion. They suck, no pun intended. They are painful, expensive and demoralizing. Not to mention, if the religious cuckoo's nest set get their way (and I've no reason to believe they won't) they might soon be a whole lot harder to get. I suppose that is where the ignorance seems to be spiraling out for me. I can't imagine anyone who has ever had an abortion being casual about the need for birth control. Although, I suppose those people do exist. To me, it seems ignorant. Sorry.

 

I see where you're coming from. I just don't see how this is perceived as ignorant. I'm not ignorant of any of the consequences or the seriousness of the situation...

If you were calling me selfish or reckless, while I would disagree, I could see why you feel the way you feel. Maybe I'm just playing a game of semantics, but I just don't see ignorance as an accurate description of what I have said.

 

You don't call yourself reckless?
Fucking thousands of times and hardly using a rubber... you shouldn't care about children or herpes, but fucking aids...
You should kiss your both balls that you're still alive, that's my point of view reading your "non ignorant replies"